So I'm sitting at work when I get word over the Telegraph that I get to go to lunch at 12:45 today. I begin thinking of what boring food I could go pick up to eat in my boring breakroom at my boring job (you starting to see a trend here?). Then I remember, I didn't take my leftover Dewey's Pizza home last week! So at this point, I'm up 2 points, and the day isn't starting to look that bad anymore... Then, I remember the single most important thing of lunches at 12:45... Can you say JUDGEMENT HOUR?!?!? Yes my fellow readers, it's that block in the day that TV is at it's finest... When all of the Degenerates of the world crawl out of Kentucky and onto the air of the Television waves. So at this point, I'm now 102 points up, and today is looking stellar. So I post up in my little cubby called our break room, and bust out the remote, pop the pizza in the microwave (that later singed off approximately 93% of my tastebuds), and sat down to enjoy a nice hour block of good ole' fashioned Judgement Hour. My favoriete being, of course, Judge Alex (because he was a Cop, A Trial Lawyer, and now a Criminal Court Judge, so you know he's seen everything under the sun). So I'm sitting there, mashing through this pizza, slamming down our good old Ice Mountain water, and then the commercials come.
I'm not usually too bitter of a person, although many that know me would say that is truly the most false statement I could ever say, but who cares, what else are friends for than to disagree with? So like I said, the onslaught of commercials come on, and I realize how much some of these characters on the commercials just make my blood boil, and I'm going to examine exactly how and why, and what they do to make me want to stab the 2 real ones in the throat and the one drawn up one, well, I would just erase him... Let's venture out shall we???
Chad (Alltels wonderful spokeman): First off, I hate him. Not only does he make my network always feel like crap, but he also just has that, I'm so nice, that I can see right through him. His commercials suck, he sucks, and well, quite frankly, I don't know anyone that has Alltel, so I'm guessing Alltel SUCKS!!! I hate his hair, his style of dress, and basically when I see or hear him, I just want to throw my remote through the television screen. In fact, I heard that he was actually a homosexual, which to me, would explain a lot... Anyways, just so you know, he's made my "I Hate You A Lot" List... Congratulations Chad, you put the A in GAY!!! Ya Fag...
Ahhhh, my second least favorite character in the world of commercials, The General... I don't even know where to begin with this animated 1 1/2 foot tall Halloween Costume with Peg Legs... I don't exactly know what inantimate detail he possesses that upsets me more, or the most for that matter. Lets start with his whole physique to begin with. Why is he only 1 1/2 feet tall? Generals aren't stereotyped for being short, or dumb, or having raspy voices... Historically, they are like 6'5, ginormous men with really deep voices, so really, "The General" does not fit that equation, you know, plus the fact that's a FICTIONAL CHARACTER!!! Pluls, the way the commercial starts with him like, "THE GENERAL SPEAKING..." I will delete him so quick it would make his fictional head spin... Plus, the people on those commercials are just as dumb, or high, or drunk, I don't know... They call up to an insurance company and ask for a fictional character, but worst of all, HE ACTUALLY TALKS TO THEM!!! Don't ask me, but he puts the A in FAKE!!! I hate him, I hope he gets deleted soon, knock knock, who's there? We'll See Ya!!!
Great, finish off with "that guy..." This guy has cursed not only the commercials, but my monthly statements, my online bill pay, etc with his "can you hear me now???" No, I can't, in fact, if I could hear you now, you'd be hearing me... You'd hear the clicking noise of my 9mm loaded and the firing of it at your face!!! Don't get me wrong, I love verizon, I love everything about verizon, but there's places I've been that no, I don't hear you now, and I don't like that... Because they claim to be the best of the best, the farthest reaching, go anywhere in the world and you'll have signal there... Guess what, Brazenhead basement, Great Smoky Mountains, Petaluma California, and my sisters apartment in Florida... Guess what bro? DIDN'T HEAR ANYTHING BECAUSE I WAS IN A DEAD ZONE!!! You heard me!!! There was no scratchy towels, no crab grass, nothing, just NO RECEPTION!!! Plus, his nerdy, I work at the apple store attire and attitude just upset me even more... That just gave me another idea for a blog, and since I'm dead, come back in an hour and you'll probably see my thoughts on Apple, and the Apple Store... But anways, just in case you didn't really get the reason for this article, I was up 102 points until all 3 of these jackknobs brought me down 1043 points... Great, now it's back to work... I hate my life... We'll See Ya
-104,306 Emo girls think the Verizon Wireless guy is hotter than Chad because of the way he dresses after reading this...
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