Quick One Liners of Things I've Learned In Life...

-No matter how hard you try, your life will suck at some point...
-No matter what college you went to, or who you know, you'll hate your job...
-Put the seat down on the toilet if you are in the presence of a lady, or you have to pay $5...
-Friends are always right, even if we don't listen to them...
-Follow your instincts, they may let you down, but at least you're true to yourself...
-Always believe you're destined to do something great in life...
-Everything you need to know in your job, will come from your job, not college...
-Your parents only want what's best for you, even if it comes out as bitching at you...
-The Banking business sucks, it always has, and it always will...
-Girlfriends/Boyfriends may come and go, but true friends are always down to ride...
-You can't date your friends ex's if they dated for more than 6 months or more, no matter what...
-Always have your friends back's, even if they're terribly, terribly wrong...
-You're going to look stupid many times in life, just get used to it, and make a joke out of it...
-Enjoy the moments you'll never remember with the friends you'll never forget...
-Drink up, be merry!
-Here's to the bee's and the bull's!
-When you're arguing with your girlfriend/wife, just say "Honey, you're right, and I'm sorry," and at the same time, in your head, say "yeah right you're right, I'm right, and I'm always right because I'm a man," that's all the reassurance a man needs, and it's easier to cope with...
-George's basement is still the original man cave and the best place to watch the games on Sunday...
-Always find the people that have the same personality as you to have as your best friends...
-Gas prices are high, get over it!
-Contrary to popular belief, comic books are still cool, however, Magic Cards and people that have Magic Cards are not...
-POGS is still the coolest game around, it just needs to make a comeback...
-No one likes a kiss ass or a brown noser, except your boss...
-Miller Lite is better than Bud Lite, hands down...
-When you're too tired to drink, take a couple of JagerBombs... Trust me...
-Bar's ARE NOT good places to find future girlfriends/boyfriends...
-Bar's ARE great places to meet one night stands...
-Hoffbrahaus (sp) although a drive, a great time with the right friends...
-Money can't buy happiness, but it makes a pretty damn good down payment...
-350Z's driven wrecklessly are the most fun you could have without getting a ticket...
-I will probably never drive anything other than a 2 door Honda Civic...
-Wedding receptions (wedding after parties) are fun, even more fun when they're not for anyone you know at all...
-Sand volleyball on Tuesday nights during the summer brings a group of people that may not have known each other that well, so much closer together that it's scary...
-Some people really look forward to the day before Thanksgiving than others, I wonder why that is??? Weird...
-Blogging, although seems gay at first, and a waste of time, gives you one heck of a way to vent on things you really hate, and have other people laugh at it...
-Everlong is quite possibly the greatest song ever...
-Your friends have porn all over their computers, they will just never admit it...
-Star Wars is quite possibly the best movie of anyone's life time...
-Michael J. Fox still looks 12, and so do I...
-Slap braclets would still be "in" if they weren't banned by law...
-Chipotle tastes good anytime...
-White Castle is never a good idea, but it so is... For some odd reason...
-Mind Thy Fulcrum...
-Beer Pong will some day get us through the hardest times in our lives...
-Al Gore created the internet, which got everyone's computer's up and running all of the time, which later caused houses to heat up, which led to everyone opening their windows, which let the heat out, which the heat rose up, and the heat tore up our atmosphere, therefore, according to the Transitive Property Al Gore + Inventing the Internet = Created Global Warming... I hate you Al Gore...
-President Clinton was the only Black President the United States will ever have...
-The Bengals suck, get rid of Mike Brown and Lewis, and we're set, easy concept, tough task...
-The Steelers cheated, I'm not saying we would have gone all the way, but close!
-When you hit rock bottom, there's no place to go but REHAB, whoever says up, sucks...
-Fight Breast Cancer any way possible, even if you can't/don't have it...
-"The answer to your question is yes" is an appropriate answer for post-farting before your friends ask...
-We'll See Ya

-405 people realized that I really am 123% amazing, 143% beast, 187% awesome, and .010% serious after reading this...