Today, we're going to take a good look into the life of the Jonas Brothers... I got this idea sitting here at work as they're all over the news, as the new "hottest thing." If that's the case, I'm going to take this time to dissect why I think they're "America's Next Hottest Boy Group." Let me just state now for the record that this will be completely offensive (unlike the 2008 Cincinnati Bengals) and it will reference homosexuality... A LOT!!! Therefore, come with me, as we explore the world of the Jonas Brothers.First off, let me just begin by saying, I have no prior knowledge of these clown shoes, and I am strictly going off of what I see from the above image, and from Amber sitting next to me. Since I don't know them, I'm going to go from left to right, leaving them nameless and as gay as they were when they entered this world.
Ok, let's begin. Far left: I can see popularity streaming from this wanna-be guitarist. See the assumption already, he's defintiely not the front man guessing by the haircut. The hair first, really, with the part down the side, and the curls? Wow, homosexuality called and they said they miss you since you stole their style. The solid black silk tie too with the pinstripe shirt? I can't really knock on him too much for that because I probably have the same shirt and tie combo (thanks TJ Maxx) but I'm sure, since we can't see his pants, that he's wearing camo shorts, and we all know shirts, tie's, and camo shorts, what's up chomo?!?!? Enough with this sheisty character, time to move on...
Second Runner Up, second from right: Ahhhhh, there he is, trying to be the heart-throb, with all the style and flare of a complete douche. Oh my God, where to start??? Let's start up and slowly work our way down... First, the hair. I thought it was the Jonas Brothers? This looks like the usure of what I am sister! I've dated girls that would kill to have that haircut, but wow! I mean, it's so feathered and perfect... I thought men go to Barbers, and women go to sylists and all that crap. I don't know a man that would let another man leave a barber shop with hair looking like that. I was going to give them props on the fact that at least their all clean shaven, but I forgot, they're what, 8??? Ok, on to the clothes, oh God, this could take awhile... Ok, first, the coat. It looks like a dark table cloth pattern, but I do have to say I'm amazed that only the one button is buttoned, because that's how men are supposed to wear their coats, weird. Maybe that's his cover up to look straight and mingle among us real men! Sorry, you didn't fool us with the hair QUEER!!! Next, the white shirt unbuttoned with a tie? Did you just get off work after a hard day? No, and by the way, YOUR TIE IS UNDERNEATH YOUR SHIRT RETARD!!! That's not style, and it's not straight! Quite possibly the gayest one in the group, from head to toe, clearly loves to blow!
Third Runner Up, third from left: Here we are again, the drummer trying to push his passion for drums and horrible sense of style down the throats of young America. Nice hair, looks like a 70's porn star gave you a trim job, looks like they missed a big chunk of it. As for the shirt and everything, I don't even know what the crap is going on? Is that a shirt wrapped around his neck? Was he just not feeling the double shirt idea at the time, and forgot to take it off? Is it like a Throw-back jersey thing? Or is it just his homoesque flaring up? I don't know, but his attempt at a necklace + the pullover shirt = FAGGOT!!!
Ahhhh, too bad, we're down to the last one, Far Right: First, let's start with the fact that he thinks he's Hawaiian. You're not Dog the Bounty Hunter, and you're not cool, quit throwing up the international hello signal. Second, do you part your hair that way because your gay bass guitar playing brother goes the other way, and you thought you'd look like him, fat chance jackknob, you're both equally gay. Are you getting married? Why the vest? To quote Evan from Superbad, "take off the vest, you look like Aladdin..." And we all know one thing for sure, Aladdin's gay, and so are you...
I've never even heard a song of theirs, but if it's anything like their style, I'm sure I'll want to stab myself in the ear with a letter opener until I can't possibly hear anything ever again... Let me just say for the record, they're not cool, and they never will be. Why their such a hit I will never, ever, ever to the 1,000,000 power understand why? Unless that whole, my boyfriend is gay and I'm ok with that theory is making its way around. These kids are out blowing all of their money, and they have no idea... You better save up one hit wonders... That money won't last forever... Haven't you ever watched VH1 behind the music, you're gonna be smoking crack in like 6 weeks... You want to take a lesson in being rich and famous, look at Bill Gates. He makes $10,000,000,000 an hour, and he dresses like a shoe salesman... Cut it out Queers, and get a 9 - 5 at Kings Island... You upset me...
-605,439 high school emo girls just realized that the Jonas Brothers are gay, and now think they're even hotter after reading this...
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