I know I talk a lot about how much I hate my job, and how every day that I
a.) have to go into work.
b.) walk into work.
c.) sit in my chair at work.
d.) leave for lunch at work.
e.) come back from lunch to work.
f.) sit in my chair from coming back from lunch to work.
I think you get the point. But on a serious note, I really don't know if I can do this job much longer, because I'm starting to feel like I've never actually gone home, gone to bed and get up and go to work again, I think I just leave and come back shortly after. I've begun to realize that this downward spiral that I call my everyday life is beginning to kill me, in many different ways. I feel that deep down, my passion for drinking and my constant nag for a cigarette are direct contributions from work... When I'm at work, of course I have a smile on my face, I'm a kind, caring individual because we're not just a bank, we're National City Bank (insert puke in throat). I think in some crazy, misunderstood, very backward way, my life has become that of Tyler Durden. Let me explain.
In my past job experiences, I have had to be so nice to everyone, and care about every Benin, innate detail of their stupid, pathetic messed up lives, that I finally got so sick of it that I created this alter-ego that I have come to enjoy and hate at the same time. The one that you all have come to know as Hoopes. Now Hoopes and Ryan are greatly different mentally, and emotionally. Physically, you're right, we do look the same, and in fact, have some of the same mannerisms... Although I think the nice guy, petty BS crap that I have put up with for so long finally made me mold myself into my own Tyler Durden (Hoopes)... Now don't get me wrong, I like Hoopes, and he's a good time and all, but when he's done partying Friday night, all he does is leave me for Saturday morning all by myself, where I'm left to clean up all that he put me through Friday night. This character, Hoopes, if he were to ever come out at work, would be a mass destruction of everything that Ryan has built over the long span of work he's done on his resume. The mere fact that I'm even writing this blog right now hints on the tipping of that very door being unlocked to release this heinous beast among these very customers and co-workers that have taken my kindness for weakness. Trust me my friends, you would not want Hoopes to come out at work...
I have put up with so much bitch work over such an elongated period of time that I don't even know how to say no to anything anymore. Everyone just assumes that I will say yes, and they give me the work to do. If Hoopes were here and they just set this immense pile of what I call Bitch Detail on my desk, I would hate to see the psychotic reaction that would soon entail. I don't even know if Ryan would have time to even attempt to harness back the very crazy that is Hoopes. I think about what Tyler Durden said in "Fight Club," and it made me realize something important. He said "You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your (F'ing) khakis. You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world." Basically, what's he's saying is, everything you've ever known about yourself, means nothing to anyone but you... You're basically everyone's bitch, and that's all you can do in life... Well, Hoopes and I were talking as he was drunk last weekend, and he kind of convinced me of something. It's time that Ryan steps up for himself, and takes a stand against bitch detail... I just need to tell them that I'm an equal, not just someone to turn to when they are too lazy to do their own work... It's time to man up and show them I'm not their all singing, all dancing crap of the world...
I realized soon after thinking this, that maybe we come up with these characters when we think of saying no to someone in our head, because we walk away thinking of what we really wanted to say, but don't, because we think in retrospect, we would get fired, or reprimanded if we said that? But I'm tired of always walking away, shoulders slouched, feeling like a pussy because I remained speechless and didn't stick up for myself... But what if we didn't get fired? What if we're too valuable of an aspect in a failing economy that they couldn't fire us for speaking our minds? What if they need us so bad, and the one day we self destruct and say what we've been meaning to say for days, months, years, decades, comes out and we take them by complete surprise? Would it be something like the United States bombing Japan in World War II? Would we hit so hard, and so covertly that they wouldn't have any choice but to surrender with their tail between their legs? Would we be able to watch as our predator becomes our prey? Could we watch that look of terror smear across their face as we unload years of frustrations off of my chest and onto theirs? More importantly, would the self gratification of the very pistol slinging entourage of words be enough to put that shocking face onto them? You know, that look of dismay, and anger, and fear, and all other emotions that we get when someone takes us by complete surprise... I may not have an answer for that yet, but I can guarantee with the rate my job hatred is going, I should be there shortly, and you will see... Could end up either way, but all I'm hoping is that it happens soon, because too much more of this, and I will be that guy at the top of the page...
WARNING:
As I do not condone the use of gun's and/or violence to solve work related issues, this blog is not to be taken as serious as the picture placed above. I, said blogger, have never been to the point of the picture placed above, however, the point does feel close... I know many people have problems at work, and feel they are worthless to their company, but this is not a way to solve the problem. Please take this into consideration when thinking about your job, and thinking about the picture above. If at any time you do get to the point of the said picture, please take time to email me ryan.hoopes@nationalcity.com or feel free to call or text me at (513) 502 - 4786.
We'll See Ya
-450,341,256 people just realized they feel the exact same way as I do, but are crazy enough to do this after reading this...
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