ABC's Of My Work Day...

A is for Acetaminophen which is what I need after being here for more than 8 hours a day...
B is for Bitching which is what I have to listen to all day from customers...
C is for Crap which is what my life is turning into because of this job situation...
D is for Delirious which is due to my nightmares of me still being at work while sleeping...
E is for Effortless which is what I am at work... No really, ask my boss, the numbers show it!
F is for Flat-line which is what my heartbeat does when an overdrawn customer comes in to talk...
G is for Gripe which is pretty much all I do while I'm at work...
H is for Hope which is what I do to pray the day is almost over...
I is for Intelligence which is what my customers have a serious lack of...
J is for Joy which is what I feel when I get off of work...
K is for Knock-Out which is want I want to do to customers that B is for Bitch at me...
L is for Lunch, my favorite part of my day... Next to going home...
M is for Maggot which is my level of classification here at work...
N is for Noose which is what I wish we had here at work, because then I wouldn't be here at work...
O is for Offend which is what I do to my fellow employee's when I make fun of them...
P is for Procrastinate which is what I do with all my training that I'm supposed to do...
Q is for Queasy which is what I am in the morning knowing I have to go to work...
R is for Redundant which is what every day is for me...
S is for Sanity which is what I have none of from working here for 2 years...
T is for Temper which mine is short from working here... Ask my friends...
U is for Unconscious which is what I am at work, at least that's what I've heard, I wouldn't know...
V is for Visitation which is what my friends are going to have to come to if I have to work here another year...
W is for Whatever which is what I'd rather be doing than be here at work any day...
X is for Xi which is for the 14th letter of the Greek Alphabet, see you learned something from my blogs...
Y is for Yawn which is what I do here a lot because I'm so bored with this job...
Z is for Zero which is the potential I have to move up at my current place of employment...

There you have it folks, the ABC's of my work day...

I HATE CINCINNATI!!!! HERE'S WHY:

I was reading the Enquirer today, or should I say "Biased Cincinnati Newspaper." All of the headlines just make our city sound so great! Let me give you a few examples of the one's that I saw that piss me off:

-Griffey a Red again?

-Watson Forgotten But Not Gone...

-Black Cats Need Homes...

-Quit Stealing My Signs!

-Safety Jackson Out For Season...

Let's take a look at the good and bad out of these stories:

Griffey a Red again? Please God NO! He talked about how happy he was to leave and get to play for a competitive team! Good, congratulations, but did you forget that they actually have to pick you up and want you to play for them? Minor details apparently to you... You're old, you're dried up, no one wants you... But please God, do not pick up Griffey again! He is completely worthless, and basically the worst thing to happen to Cincinnati, and the Reds... I would almost, ALMOST (clarification for everyone) rather have Obama in the office than Griffey back in Cincinnati... PLEASE NO!

Watson Forgotten But Not Gone... That's only because we can't get rid of him, our whole roster is pretty much screwed! Everyone's hurt! They keep showing Watson running the ball into the pack and getting pushed back for yards... He's horrible, worthless, pretty comparable to Griffey actually now that I think of it... He's been worthless ever since he got here... I say, let's forget about him, and get rid of him... But then we'll just draft another punter, so regardless, let's get a lesser player, for lesser pay...

Black Cats Need Homes... Really? I'm sure there's plenty of other cats that need homes too, why should we segregate only black cats? What about white cats? White cats have problems finding housing too, this isn't a racial problem. I heard Sarah McLaughlin trying to pawn off these poor dogs and cats on me for a free t-shirt the other day, so what about dogs too? Dogs and Cats need homes regardless of their race, gender... So the title should be Cats AND DOGS need homes! Good story enquirer, F FOR EFFORT!!!

Quit Stealing My Signs! Apparently Peter Frampton has a big problem in his Indian Hills neighborhood. Apparently these teens keep stealing his McCain/Palin yard signs! Really? How big of a problem is this? In Sharonville, I have to worry about not getting shanked by a homeless mexican walking the streets early in the mornings, but Peter Frampton, Mr. Bow Wow WooooooooooooooooW guitar man has SERIOUS problems! THEIR FREE SIGNS! You want people to know you're voting for him, then after you do vote, leave the election office screaming I VOTED MCCAIN/PALIN!!! Seriously, can't the news just talk about how our homicide rate currently is much higher than last years? THANKS AVONDALE!!! Seriously, if that's our biggest problem in Cincinnati!!!

Safety Jackson Out For Season... Really? I thought he was out already... The way he plays, I God honestly thought he was out already! This isn't news, Dexter is never IN so what's the difference! I'm surprised that Dexter Jackson wasn't over with Johnathan Joseph playing Patty Cake Powderpuff, because usually he's the last one to the tackle, and yes, still the first to celebrate... I'm surprised he hasn't been called for a late hit yet, the play's usually over when he's making his "tackle" attempt... Pansy...

So that's our news... Most cities have good things going on around them, like new city buildings, or updates to their beautiful parks or something like that... We have murders, black cats in need of housing, and Bengals players on and off parole or out on injury... Yay for Cincinnati!!! Get me out of this place... We'll See Ya

8,452 people realized how much they hate Cincinnati too, but will never leave here...

The Fallacies In Bengaldom... A History Of Losing...

There is no better team in the NFL than the Bengals... At losing... They're so good at losing in fact, that I think 0 - 16 is not only possible, but maybe a statement of fact! This picture of Marvin is from his first year joining the Bengals as head coach. Notice a difference in this picture compared to maybe one from his "apology to the fans" speeches? This could also be a picture from this year, just botoxed up so he doesn't show that face he always has on the sidelines... It's amazing that a guy that is 0 - 16 (yes, I know know it's only 0 - 8 right now, but again, this is so I don't have to write another one in December) and has only had one winning season in God knows how many years still has a job! If I did my job as crappy as these coaches and players did, I wouldn't even get a second chance to even explain myself, I'd be gone, and back in the unemployment line. When you get this bad at losing, your hopes for even a high school coaching job or peewee league are shot. However, before I take anymore cheap shots at Marvin, let me further explain.

I cannot put all of the blame on this poor guy that took a salary blow to head coach a prison league professional (although highly unprofessional) football team. It took a lot of guts to step up to a plate that is too big for even a guy like Bill Cowher to step up to... But really, I want to blame on Mr. Brown. Mike Brown is without a doubt, the worse owner of any sports team, and I'm pretty sure he's never owned a successful career in anything other than hiding from the public. Since Marvin has been here, I haven't seen the guy once in a press release, or anything. Of course, if I was this bad of an owner, you're right, I wouldn't show my face either, but come on. Quit making Marvin apologize, I want to hear it from you asshole! At this point in my Bengals career, I wouldn't even accept free Box tickets or front row 50 yard line seats! I'm so fed up with the lack of drive, lack of emotion, and lack of skill that these "players" have on and off the field... Mr. Brown needs to come out and explain this "method of madness" he has for the Bengals... I mean, did he talk to them and tell them to do the worst they could possibly do? That would explain a lot for me, and I'd probably be less frustrated!

First Fallacy: Bengals offseason - The offseason was filled with trials and tribulations all over the place. Whether it was Marvin saying that in no way, shape or form is Chris Henry coming back to Chad Johnson saying he's not going to play wah wah wah! The fact that Mike Brown went around Marvin Lewis' decision to not bring Henry back is a total lack of respect for your coach, and that will make the players question their coach, and not want to play all out for him. As for Chris Henry, just go, you deserve to be in Prison, but I guess you're a cat with 100 lives, because you've already used up more than 9... Chad Johnson, who should be a leader to rally up the troops to make them want to play, is bi-polar on and off the field. One minute he laughs when Houston says their going to cover him man to man, and how many receptions for how many yards did he have? Who's laughing now Chad? 30 what to 6? Exactly! Chad should not be allowed to say anything until he breaks over 150 yards in a game, otherwise they should fine him.

Second Fallacy: Bengals Offense - So lets see, instead of wanting to keep our veterans on the line, and have a strong chance of leadership on the line, we'd rather get rid of them, shift people over to positions they've never played, and then, expect them to perform! Good Plan! Somehow, TJ has made himself the second best receiver in the league, so that either means that every other receiver in the NFL is that bad, or I just don't watch TJ as closely as I should. Like I said before, Chris Henry is as worthless as can be, dropping every pass that comes his way! Carson, can't hate him, actually, I only feel bad for him that he can't display his talent for a good team! Chad, just read above. Chad went from being my favorite receiver to being a no ball pussy loser faster than the beginning of Flight of Fear at Kings Island! No cuts inside, no amazing catches that take the team up the field, and just no heart left in him! Hell, I think there's some players at Lakota East and West that we could draft that would be better! Props to Carson and Housh for sticking it out out on the field. Chris Perry, keep him benched, he's worthless too! He fumbles almost every ball he touches with his 1.7 yard run. Cedric Benson, I have to give you props, for just getting here, and getting more yards than Perry EVERY CARRY and holding on to the ball, you get my game ball every time! Offensive Line, lets just work on not collapsing when we call hike. Give Fitzpatrick a chance for some pocket time! And Fitzpatrick, well, not much to say here, he didn't really know he'd be shoved into this position so early, but guess what bro, time to play! Suck it up, hold on to the ball and take the hit, or scramble and make plays! I do have to say that more and more, he is doing much better, for a second string quarterback...

Third Fallacy: Bengals Defense - Tough to call, they got rid of the heart of the line, only to move people around that have to learn all new moves! The Bengals defense is great, the only problem is they play more than 3/4's of the game because our offense blows that much! The Defense looks crappy because our offense is wearing them down... I have to give props to the Defense for doing what they can, we know it's tough for you, and I still respect you...

Little did I know after hearing Marvin's comments yesterday, I'm starting to think he's right, but a little confused... Let's take a look:

"We don't have many options," he said. "We have to find a way to get these players better."

-Yea, it's called offseason, pre-season, etc... How much time do you need? Every other team doesn't seem to have a problem "getting their players better..."

"We all have to find a way collectively to flip our psyche."

-Flip our psyche? What the crap does that mean? I think I have the answer for that... GROW A PAIR AND STAND UP TO YOUR OWNER! Let him know that on that field and during the draft, YOU RUN THE SHOW! At least if he says, ok, you're fired! The Bengals fans will at least see that you care and will respect you! He can't fire you! We're mid-season, an 0 - 8 season at that! Stand up to him, and make sure he knows who's the boss on the field!

"We have a couple of areas that we need some work in..."

-If by a couple areas you mean Offense, Defense, and Special Teams, then yes, we do have a couple of areas to work on... However, in each of those folders, there are 1000's of sub-folders, and those all need work, so therefore your "some work" becomes "a lot" of work... Some work is a phrase that maybe a team like, the Titans, could use, you know, after their game with Indy... Yes, their offense could use "some work" but not as much as the Bengals need... Actually, come to think of it, then Bengals don't need work, they need a restructuring, or a restart, that's how terrible we are...

Conclusion: Give up on them, don't attend the games, let Mike Brown suffer financially, and then let him take this team elsewhere... I heard somewhere that they would possibly sell PBS to a soccer team that would play internationally! Soccer games are awesome in professional sports, and I'm pretty sure that'd be pretty cool! I'm tired of the Bengals anyways, always drafting "project players..." They don't even need to draft project players, our stadium is surrounded by projects, just give them 500 bucks a game, and someone to pass their drug tests and we're set... Those guys can catch a 250 pound television thrown by their buddy from a third story window... Trust me, a football would be no problem... Bengals, just go away, don't make this more difficult than it has to be... We'll See Ya

851,265 people just realized that the projects joke was a play on words...

My Weekend (Using Paint Program, You're Welcome Visual Learners)...

I recently was introduced to a new comedian that I had never heard of before. His name is Demetri Martin. He is a very bland, but very hilarious younger guy. He uses drawings, that I'm thinking he probably does draw himself on a large pad of paper, titled "Large Pad." I found myself unable to control my laughing, because yes, the pictures are funny, but how he explains them is even funnier. Therefore, I've decided to try a new approach, and I'm going to do something similar, however, mine are hand drawn "technologically advanced" pictures... Ok, let's embark on the journey that is "My Weekend, By Paint, By Me..."

1.) After 24 years of dedicated fanness (I know it's not a word, but guess what, bite me), I have officially given up on the Cincinnati Bengals for the remainder of the 2008 season. I know many of you out there are going to consider this "fairweather fanness" but it's not... I don't respect the organization because they're not about football, they're only about money. When you look at organizations like the Steelers or Colts, there's teams that care about football, and love the game, and love and respect the fans. Therefore, my 2 new teams to watch are the above mentioned. As for my feelings of the Bengals, when Mike Brown is no longer the owner, then I will consider putting more time and effort into them again. Therefore, that's me dumping my Bengals stuff down the toilet, because that's where this season and well, a good portion of the last 24 years is going/has gone... (That's not me crying either, I just had something in my eye, well both eyes)...

2.) Ahhhhh, the first annual Halloween Bash at our house this past Saturday! Oh man, was that a good time or what?!? We had quite a few people at the house, and there was definitely a lot of drinking, a lot of laughs, and a lot of good friends! The party started with a Jack and Coke, and ended on about that same note!!! I am, proud to say, that I am the defending reigning Champion of Beer Pong after more than I should have played games that night! If you feel that you are "worthy" enough to take me on, then we are there almost every saturday night playing, so ring in, and let's see what you got, but yes, that will definitely be the new annual HallowPong Fest!
3.) Friday morning... The day of devestation as I came to see it... When I first arrive to work at roughly 8:45am, I get word that PNC has bought National City. This makes my job very unnerving be it that there's a PNC Bank in our parking lot practically. Therefore, the predicament lies in should I apply at PNC and secure a job there now, or should I wait it out and see if I still have a job within the next year or so? But yes, it was a very busy day of thinking what I should do...

So that's my weekend at a glance. I'm not sure how I feel about the Paint Program lifestyle, so leave me your feedback and tell me what you think!

8,405 people have started working on their paint program skills to make their blog like mine after reading this...

And you thought bank tellers and managers were so nice...

So today at work my branch manager, for reasons of animosity we'll call him Carson Palomalou, comes out of his office for the brief 2 minutes that he usually does, and makes a comment to our office manager, again for reasons of animosity, we'll call him Odell Holt, and makes the statement that we are no longer handling customers with overdraft fee refunds. I found this quite hilarious because we are not usually a branch to even consider returning it unless of course it was a bank error, but apparently during the course of this month, we have returned more than normal, which I'm guessing, is anything over 1, because that's how much of a cheapskate (TMNT) he is. Therefore, I found it hilarious and kind of chuckled when he said it. Then all of a sudden, a heated debate on the best way to deal with customers that want fee's returned erupted like a Hawiian volcano. I can't make these up folks, but this is literally exorts from idea's that the people that I work with were throwing out on how to deal with these customers, and after they did throw these out there, I further thought about them in my head and will further explain them later on:

-A button located at all teller and manager desks that can open the floor to a great white shark tank.

-A machine gun turret located above the doors at the exit that is available to all tellers and managers via buttons at desk locations.

-A rocket propelled grenade launcher also located at the doors that is also available to all tellers and management via buttons at desk locations.

-The ability of those lawfully carrying CCW licenses to carry weapons into branch and at the point at which a customer mentions the refunding of fee's, we shoot to kill.

-Locking exit door mechanism via buttons at all desks that locks the customer in between the doors of the exit to which we can seal the exit, and pour in any amount of gases or liquids depending on how distraught we are.

However, these means may also be used in the case of robberies as well... Now, lets take an in depth look at these, and I'm going to rate them from 1 - 5, 1 being my favorite, and 5 being my least favorite...

5.) Rocket Propelled Grenade launcher turret. That's just not a good idea, ever seen what a rocket can do in a small, contained area? That's just not good, you'll burn down the building and everything inside of it, and not to mention the fact that there will be shratnal and all that crap and glass, basically, NOT A GOOD IDEA, but I still laughed...

4.) Machine Gun turret. What happens in an electric power out? What if those things go haywire? Are they going to accidentally unload on me? I'm not sure how I feel about getting shot up when I did nothing wrong... Again, not a good idea... Still chuckled though...

3.) Locking door mechanisms in the doors that lock them in and have the ability to gas or liquid them to death. Again, seems cool, has cool intentions, but seriously, what about when I have to leave? Is there still gas just seeping around in there? It only takes a little bit of that stuff to kill you... So you have to have one hell of ventilation system, otherwise, it's all over for you...

2.) Shark Tank in the floor... Really? Who's going to feed it? Although, I mean, depending on size and everything, with the amount of people bitching about fee refunds, it would balance to where we have leftovers, but either way, still... That's a lot of maintenence and extra work, so on and so forth, and if it's anything like that shark from Deep Blue Sea, it could eventually break through the floor, and I don't think I could take that kind of pressure, but would be fun to see once or twice just for kicks...

1.) Allowing those licensed for CCW's to carry at work. It works, it's like pilots getting guns on the planes. We can have them for any case. No misfires, clean and clear situations, and not an overuse of power. It's basically just an awesome option, and it also gives us good target practice with real life tactical situations. Therefore, that gets my number 1 vote!!! I don't really know the reason for this blog, but I wanted to write something and give you insight into what these people I work with actually think about during the course of the day... We'll See Ya

54,320 people now understand why I'm crazy, and are officially ok with it now after reading this... Hope it made you chuckle inside at most...

I'M DRUNK, WHAT'S TO EAT!?!?!?

This is a dedication to those that go out, get drunk, and spend the rest of the wee hours of the morning trying to figure out where the heck to go to eat... I understand your pain, so let's examine the different restaurants that are open at these hours of the morning...

If you drink heavily and get the munchies around 1:15am, here's your choices:
-Wendy's
-Burger King
-McDonald's
-White Castle
-Taco Bell

However, if you aren't drunk that early, then you hit the 2 am mark, here's your choices:
-McDonald's (granted you have 24 hour service)
-White Castle
-Taco Bell

Now, lets take a look at the satisfaction level of each of these:

Pro:
Wendy's - Fast service, fresh burgers, great nuggets, great prices.
McDonald's - Fast service, delicious drunk burgers, great drunk nuggets, decent prices.
Taco Bell - Fast service, lots of choices, great prices, filling food.
Burger King - Fast service, great drunk fries, good burgers.
White Castle - Great prices, lots of combinations, open 24 hours, always satisfying, good options.

Con:
Wendy's - Tough to find one that doesn't close a little before 2, hard to find in some places.
McDonald's - tough to find 24 hour drive thru, run out of stuff, can get caught between breakfast and dinner switch if you're too late.
Taco Bell - Tough to catch late, sometimes a little spicier than normal, the next day gives you upset stomach.
Burger King - always closes before they're supposed to, won't make food close to closing.
White Castle - tastes so good you can't stop, and therefore leads you to a lot of runny toilet time which makes the next day or day after that much more terrible.

After reviewing the play, the winner is a draw between Taco Bell and White Castle both scoring an 86% in all categories. This is because sometimes you just don't want a burger, and sometimes you just don't want a taco, so it's much better to switch! We'll See ya


687,543 college kids just woke up from a drunken slumber in a pile of empty white castle burger boxes and now have to drop a heinous deuce...

METROSEXUAL'S ATTACK!!!!! You're just gay and in denial, and that's NOT the river in Egypt...

Today, I was confronted by the heathens that I work with about a paper that one has to write. It's for a class called Men and Masculinity. Where was that class when I was stuck in Women's Studies with all these other heathens talking about how I'm so lucky I can't get raped, and pregnant, and blah blah blah... I would have loved to hear about all the great stuff men do, and actually probably would have payed attention better in that class. But instead, like I said, I was the scum of the earth in the back of the classroom, but oh well, that's done and over. Back to the point here, she has to write a paper, and her topic that she chose is "questioning the masculinity of metrosexuals." Good call, but where do you research something that plainly doesn't exist? Metrosexuals are gays in denial. They just haven't found the right guy yet, or they're not fully out of the closet, etc... First, let's examine what "metrosexuality" is.


Main Entry: metrosexual
Part of Speech: n, adj
Definition: a heterosexual male who has a strong aesthetic sense and inordinate interest in appearance and style, similar to that of homosexual males
Etymology: 1994; blend of metropolitan + heterosexual
Usage: informal


Now that we have accomplished, let's examine further... Look at the definition, it says "heterosexual male" with a "sense in appearance and style..." That right there is a fluke in itself... There's no such thing as a male with style, because a male that does have "style" has that because HIS GIRLFRIEND bought him that stuff! But the end however, where it says "similar to that of homosexual males." Exactly, right there at this point, it shows you the obvious point that metrosexuals and homosexuals are in direct relation of one another. Homosexuals, no doubt, have "a sense of fashion." We've all seen it before, and if you haven't, you might want to get checked out for a serious case of "OH NO, I'M GAY MYSELF!" Therefore, the point I'm trying to push here is that metrosexuals are really just homosexuals in true denial of their feelings...


Ask any real man, any man that doesn't have a sense of style if there's a difference between metrosexuals and homosexuals, and there is, without a doubt, no difference, it's just a euphamism if you must. (euphamism - a word that is more pleasantly put than that of using a more inappropriate word. Example: "I have to take a crap" instead you would say "I have to use the restroom"). Just the use of the word metrosexual just upsets me, because it's just not a true statement. There's no such thing. There's nothing masculine about a guy that has a sense of fashion that slightly resembles a homosexual, because that's like saying a homosexual is still a man... NO HE'S NOT!!! He might be the man in the relationship, but one of the two is the bitch, but he is not considered "still a man," because that's just man law.

Point of today's lesson is that Metrosexuals are just homosexuals in denial. They can be in denial for many reasons, and reasons that of which, I honestly don't care, at all... But regardless, metrosexuals are not masculine, and are not straight. Point in turn, they're gay...

65,504 people just realized that they're gay after reading this and checking their current fashion sense after reading this...

I'VE HIT 50 HITS!!! ARE YOU GUYS THAT BORED?!?!

I'd just like to take this time out to say thank you for checking out the blog and reading around... I hope that the 58 of you that have read these have at least enjoyed 1 or 2 of them, if not all, but I have read back through them, and there's some that I don't even like, so if you say you love them all, then you're lying to me... Over the past month of so of writing these blogs, I have had some interesting thoughts and idea's for other blogs, but I'm always willling to try new ideas, so if you have anything that you would like me to blog about, just throw them out there or email me at ryan.hoopes@nationalcity.com !!! Other than that, I'd just like to say thanks again for checking out the site, and hopefully you'll always enjoy a good laugh during the day!!! Stay tuned for more! We'll See Ya

58 people now feel greatly appreciated and have a higher self-worth now because I personally thanked them for reading these blogs...

Breaking News Alert: Cincinnati Mayor Mark Mallory Commits Political Suicide...

And in other breaking news: Cincinnati Mayor, Mark Mallory committed political suicide this morning when he asked the great people of the Queen City of Cincinnati to support, yes SUPPORT the Cincinnati Bengals as they go ass to head with the Pittsburgh Steelers this coming Sunday afternoon. He is quoted as saying that "we need to support the Bengals as they go head to head with our biggest rival..." He also stated that there is "no room for negotiations..." Mark Mallory made it clear that he will be down tailgating for the game this Sunday, but slowly realized, he will be the only Bengals supporter that will be attending. According to Stubhub reporting, currently there are over 4,100 tickets available online for purchase for this weekends game, and ticket prices have dramatically dropped to an all-time low as the 0 - 6 (soon to be 0 - 16) Bengals take on the Steelers that are currently 4 - 1 after a bye week. It is reported that injury wise, the Steelers will have their front of injured players back on the field just in time to kick the Bengals monkey asses up, and down the field...

Fans are wondering how and why Mark Mallory decided to step behind the support of Mike Brown and the Bengals, wondering if he is truly trying not to get re-elected to the Mayor's office. Mallory says "but now is the time when the community's support matters the most..." He also wanted Bengals fans to know that "it is very important that we continue to support the Bengals, even when they are having tough times," he said. This is a very true statement, because if the Cincinnatians don't pay to go watch the games, then Mike Brown loses money, and Mallory has to hear an ear full. (Mallory, "tough times" are going 2 years with an 8 - 8 record, these aren't tough times, this is the Great Depression times World War IV...)

A reporter pointed out to Mallory that there will probably be more Steelers fans than Bengals fans at PBS, Mallory fired back by saying "You know what? What did you just say?" said Mallory. "You said there will probably be more Pittsburgh Steelers fans at the game than Bengals fans. What does that say? It says that Pittsburgh fans continue to support their team. We've got to support our team. We absolutely have to support our team. There is just no doubt in my mind about that. No room for negotiation as far as I'm concerned."

An unknown source is quoted as talking to Mallory after the press conference and said that when he returned to his office, he had a memo on his desk that was not there before the press conference, and he would like to change what he had previously stated to the media... His revised statement is as follows:

"You know what? What did you just say?" said Mallory. "You said there will probably be more Pittsburgh Steelers fans at the game than Bengals fans. What does that say? It says that Pittsburgh fans continue to support their team. Because the Steelers players and coaches and owners actually give a damn about winning, and the fans, and the city itself... That is, unlike Mike Brown and the Bungles, I'm sorry Bengals... We just want to rip off the Cincinnatians as much as possible, and see how much money we can actually get from you morons... Oh uh, I mean, great people of the Queen City..."

Apparently Mark Mallory has been the mayor of a different city... He has such great ideas: The Underground Museum (of wasted money), The Streetcars (through the projects where we'll inevitably get robbed easier), The Banks Projects (wasted funds that will never be as good as Newport), Paul Brown Stadium (that has seen better performances with high school football teams from the state), etc... Get this clown out of office before we lose all of our money... I'm starting to really think that having a Cincinnati Pro-Soccer team would be awesome, you know since the Bengals don't obviously want to play there, let's let someone or something that does play instead... We'll See Ya

-24,208 people just decided not to vote for Mallory in the next election...

LOOK, THE BENGALS ARE COMING TO TOWN!!!

COMING! COMING! SUNDAY'S! SUNDAYS!

-Live at Paul Brown Stadium and other select cities!!

-Special Appearances by Marvin Lewis, Mike Brown, and the Cincinnati Bengals!!!

-Times are usually 1:15 pm or 4:15 pm depending on select city!!!!

I think if the Bengals used this marketing and poster, created by your's truly, then they would definitely sell more. People would much rather see this circus than the one we're seeing every weekend at PBS... It's gotten to be so bad now that I actually cheer when we screw up and boo when we complete plays! I may be the only one, but I really doubt it, that I want the Bengals to go 0 - 16, because then we get several perks. Let's make a short list of those shall we:

-Marvin Lewis will indefinitely be terminated after this great season of Bengals football.

-Mike Brown is seeing a very great drop in demand and price of tickets, maybe he'll get a clue.

-Mike Brown may realize we hate him and PBS will become a soccer stadium.

-The Bengal Players that are of worth and value will go to teams where they can show their potential skills.

-And many, many more!

More importantly, let me show you some of the things that have been brought to my attention thanks to our lovely coach, players, and news media. This is more or less a "quote section" of my favorite things I've heard from Marvin Lewis, and some Bengals Players this season:

Ben Utecht talking about the Bengals and Colts differences... "Colts head coach Tony Dungy has full control. General manager Bill Polian gets Dungy the players and Dungy coaches them. Owner Jim Irsay writes the checks. An owner who owns. What a concept. It's a very good organization." (Very interesting concept if you ask me)

Lewis said Monday that "he feels 100 percent responsible for the fans' frustrations. But be patient," he asked. "Better times are coming." (Oh really? Where are they right now? Out of town?)

"Everybody wants to win, and I'm sorry they're disappointed," Lewis said. "So am I. But unfortunately, that's where we are right now. But hang on; you're going to see something special here." (We already have seen something special, it's called the last 20 years, that was very special... Special Education!)

It's amazing that as much as Marvin Lewis and the Players of the Cincinnati Bengals still think that something is going to happen that's so great this season... When was the last time an NFL team went to the playoffs, or won a Super Bowl after starting 0 - 6? Let me answer that, NEVER, so put your hopes back down where they belong... The Bengals are truly a home town circus now. We can't expect them to do anything better than 0 - 16, and I'm thinking there's a VERY good chance that we will in fact do that, and I'm truly hoping for it!

Here's my prediction: The Bengals will finish 0 - 16 for the season, and we will obviously get the first round draft pick, because we will be indisputably the WORST team in the NFL to date! However, with this first round draft pick, we will pick up Carson Palmer's little sister or mother as back up quarterback, or we will pick up Shane Graham's girlfriend as back up kicker. Both very good positions that we need filled, especially with both of them having very "hush hush" injuries... Don't lie to us Marvin, just tell us Carson is done, and we'll call it a season, then you guys can have the time off, just no call, no show, leave the field open during the games and let drunk tailgaters on the field to show you how real football is played! Other than that, that's all I can bitch about on this sour topic... We'll See Ya

-4,105 people just sold their season tickets after reading this article...

How A Game Of Volleyball Changed acquaintances To The Best Of Friends...

Let's all take a trip shall we? Into the lives of a group of 10 - 12 people that started a friendly game of volleyball, and it turned into something far far greater than any one's expectations... A group of acquaintances that met every Tuesday during the summer for a friendly game of volleyball. The days seemed endless as we would eagerly await Tuesday night, but during that Tuesday at work, everyone always felt the same way, even though we all worked at different jobs. The Tuesday work day would drag on for what seemed like a week in itself. Although when the quitting whistle sounded, we were all bats out of hell to get to the McCauly apartments to start that Tuesday's round of games. You would pull off of Fields Ertel road into the apartments, always around 5:45 or 6 o' clock, and as soon as you pull in, you could see the bodies massing on the volleyball court, and the coolers open, and the smell of cigarette's burning like you had lived there and done this your entire life... You'd park the car, get out and you'd get your complimentary "what's up son?!?!" As you progress up the small hill to the court, you join in the group discussion, more or less an argument of who's going to be team captains until eventually someone gives in to save some of the sun that was slowly burning down...

Once team's were picked, we would grab one last sip of our now empty beers, take one last puff of the cigarette, and hustle to the court. On first introduction to the regular volleyball night, there was originally 6 or 8 people, but once more of us started inviting people, it grew like Fight Club. We would all come in, eyes wide and bushy tailed, and we eventually had 10 - 15 people that wanted to play. At this time, there was people that you had maybe seen at a party before that maybe you saw one to three times a year, and maybe had just said hello to once or twice, but when you were here, it was like you had known all of these people your whole life. We were just acquaintances off in our regular lives, but when we played volleyball, we were the best of friends... That slowly matriculated off the court toward the end of summer. Once we got done playing volleyball, and the night was in full swing, we all went home, showered up, and got dressed to hit up McCauly's Pub, and since that started, we have all become the best of friends, that with no doubt, will never be broken apart. Although some of it's original players have moved on, or have to work, or have other's in their lives that require more attention than volleyball can, we are all still out there... Every Tuesday night... Burning the midnight oil...

When I look back, when I'm much much older, sitting on my patio drinking an ice cold miller lite, thinking about when I was younger, those are the days that I'm going to sit and tell my grand kids about... About how something as simple as a weekly volleyball game, made a group of people that were just acquaintances into something far greater, a group of friends that will always be there for one another no matter what the outcome or odds... This group has inspired me to share this with everyone because I think everyone should get out there and find their own "volleyball game..." We'll See Ya

-8,401 people took up the sport of volleyball not knowing it was a metaphor after reading this...

Part Minivan, Part Airport Lounge, ALL BULLSHIT!!!

So during Sunday's slaughter, and the onslaught of stupid commercials for Viagra (which John Madden obviously needs for Brett Favre), and other stupid car companies, I came across this commercial for the new Chrysler Town and Country. I was partly intrigued, and found out something that I had been wondering for so long. Why are kids these days so messed up in the head? I don't know about you, but when I was growing up, and we took family road trips, we always sat and talked, and played stupid license plate ABC's and crap like that, which you know, brought us together as a family, we didn't have portable video games and crap like that to tone down our parents constant bitching. But now, look at this all knowing, all crappy space ship looking vehicle... Now and days, you don't even have to face your parents anymore... You get a nice circular tray table, and comfy wrap around leather seats... TV's that cover every square inch of the interior, so now you don't have to see, listen to, or recognize your parents in the vehicle...

The one thing that perturbs me about this van's commercial, is at one point, when they show how the seats swivel, and this tables comes out of the floor, they show something that I find incredibly hard to believe... They show the kids playing a game a Jenga, while the car is in motion. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but I can't even play this game in a room, with nothing on, no television, no stereo, nothing, but this van is so gentle, and so sturdy that you can play a game of Jenga in it? BULLSHIT!!!! That's like saying the Bengals are going to win the Superbowl this year! (And if that happens, then I will, I swear on my life, purchase this van, and I will rob a bank to pay for it in all cash!!!)

You can't honestly expect anyone to believe that you can play a game of Jenga in this vehicle, while in motion... No one has the skills, or the steady hands to perform a procedure like that so HA!!! You lose mobile Jenga machine of the future... Hoopes 2 points, Chrysler NONE!!!

Also, another thing about mini-vans that I later saw on a commercial that day. Volkswagen is int icing it's customers women base to get pregnant so that they will by the new (minivan that I can't pronounce). Brooke Shields, spokeswoman for this new minivan concept actually issues a warning to women not to just get pregnant so they go out and buy one of these... Can you believe that this is what this world is coming to?!?! Now maybe if they showed me a van that made me a hot sub, didn't talk, and only had room enough for me and not my constantly nagging and bitching wife, then I'd probably take that vehicle, and maybe it if had free NFL ticket or something... Now that's my kind of car... But as for vans that you feel you want to get pregnant just to get one, and one that they say you can play Jenga in while driving, GM is so full of crap they don't even know! I bet their next van recreates the Jurassic Period too, or God comes with every model... Give me a break Chrysler... We'll See Ya

-3,401,253 soccer moms decided to stop reading my blog after realizing they're horrible parents after reading this...

Love Life Live Love... What The Hell Does That Mean?

Not that in any way, shape or form do I want to bring up, quote, or logically think about the Haddaway song "What is love," but I pretty much have to for this stupid blog, because for once I'm going to talk about something, that yes, a lot of you are not going to believe I'm talking about, but it's true. I want to talk about "love" because apparently the very word "love" get's thrown around more than "would you like to make that a value meal for just .35$ more?" or even "I don't know my account number, can you tell me what it is?" This is a very disturbing thing for me. Recently, as you all know, I was in a pretty serious relationship, I know, hard for even myself to believe, but it's true. This relationship, that only lasted maybe 5 months was actually pretty long, and pretty serious for me. Well, she decided one day that she didn't want to be together for reasons I'm still not completely clear about yet, but you know, girls do that from time to time, and ladies, I'm sure guys do it to, just not as often. Regardless, we were in that stage of telling each other we love one another, and it really did feel right. After breaking up, we still talked after that initial shock of being broken up set in, and she told me she loved me still, and I told her to stop telling me that, because it's screwing with me. She obviously doesn't if she is not with me anymore. Well, we talked, and she wanted to take things slow again, and I was all for it, but now, I don't know. Let me lay the ground work for you, then you can decide:

We broke up in late September, and right before she was going on a trip to Tennessee for her friends wedding. We talked after breaking up about getting back together when she got back, she just wanted time to think. She came back, told me she missed me, loved me, and wants to work things out and that we would hang out the day she gets back. Time passes, she comes back, and she comes home around 10ish from Gatlinburg, after originally telling me it would be around 6 when she gets back, and tells me it's too late for her to come over, so maybe next week. Whatever, no big deal for me. I'm not going to lie, I was alittle hurt, because I was pretty stoked to see her. Then, time comes again, and she comes to see me on my lunch, and we're talking, and we kiss before I go back to work, and everything seems to be falling into place again, and I feel great. So she tells me, granted this was tuesday afternoon, that she will come over thursday night when I get off from work, be there around 6ish... So time passes, and it's thursday... So thursday comes and goes, I'm excited, and she sends me a text and says it might be alittle later because her parents took her boys to the pet store, so she'll come when they get back, which yea, I was bummed, because I'm starting to slowly realize, it's not going to happen now. So I wait and wait, and around 7:15, she tells me they just got back, I reply ok... Some more time passes, and it's 7:45, and she says it's too late she thinks, so now I'm left in a predicament. We also talked on tuesday and I told her since we're off Monday, we should take the boys somewhere and hang out... But after these 2 incidents, what do I do???

I realize this is really a small example of what goes through my bee sized brain, but in all honesty, I have never felt this way before, and as hard as it is for me to just walk away, I don't know if I can... She still tells me she loves me every morning and she can't wait to see me when we get to work, but is it true? Does she love me? What exactly does she love? What is love? Ahhhhh, that's the question... Therefore, I'm forced to look at what I really do love, and base it off of that... Hence, at this point, you know I'm going to tell you what I say when I "love" something... Is love just a word? Is it a true feeling? Do we say I love you to get something from someone? Do we mean it when we say it, or do we just say it to make someone feel like it's mutual? I'm going to try to show you what I mean when I say it, and show you the many misuses of this word, "love."

"I don't know about you, but I love a cold landshark on a hot day..."

-This type of love is a mutual thing. Love for a beer is acceptable, because yes, if you love a beer, even though it can't say it loves you, it does... Love for a shot is also the same...

"I would just love a piece of cheesecake right now..."

-Also the same as the beer remark. You're allowed to love cheesecake, or a steak, or something like that, because a.) it's delicious. And b.) it loves you too...

"I love the fact that I have to go into work today..."

-Ahhh, a prime example, no one says this, and really means it, that's why, I call this "sarcastic love..." This is what you say to someone when you actually get to work, and you know they feel the same way... Or you say it like me, when I come into work, and Dawn says "good morning hun, how are you today?" Trust me, this is a heavily used phrase for me...

"I just love that outfit you have on..." Or "I just love that scent you have on..."

-Easily could go either way... When a girl says to another girl the first phrase, they're lying, because we all know when a girl is really lying... Everytime she opens her mouth... Really, what they mean is, I hate that outfit, but I'm going to tell you I love it to make you feel good... The scent one, well, that could go either way, depends if they ask you where you got it, then they do like it...

"I love you..."

-This one is actually a very difficult one to explain... We say it when we don't mean it, we say it when we do mean it, some don't know what it really means, but if you ask me, I think it's meant for marriage... When you truly, God honestly love someone, it's when you're married, or engaged... You can say that you love God, because he loves all equally, as you should love him, but as for boyfriends and girlfriends that you're just dating, that's not "I love you" times...

I recently realized something however, that there is somewhat of a double standard, and at this point I would like to switch gears and talk about friendships. Friendships, depending on what type of friendship you have, can have love within them. Take for instance, my friend Rick. Rick is a stand up guy (I don't mean comedian either). I love Rick and I'm not afraid to admit that at all. Through all of the years that I've known him now, he has been there for me, and would do anything for me, well, almost anything, he still won't give me his sisters' number (kidding)... Either way, I can honestly say that Rick is like my brother, which makes it easy for me to say that I love him. Rick is the kind of guy that is there for any of his friends, through any situation, even knowing his friends are wrong, he would still have your back through thick and thin... He truly is the definition of a best friend. So in conclusion, through this long, mentally strung out, jumping around of thoughts blog, I think it's important that you find that one friend that you know is that person in your life, and you tell them that you love them, and appreciate everything they've done for you, and everything they will do for you, throughout the rest of your life. Because people deserve to hear these kinds of things, as reinforcement of knowing that people do care about them like that as well...

-3,402 people are still wondering what exactly I'm writing about in this blog after reading this...

Our Economy, Politics, And All That Other Crap That's Inevitably Screwed...

During these trying times of a failing economy, a country full of angry (ignorant) people, and a World at War, it's time for one man to single handedly step to the forefront and give the people, advice, more or less... This is in no way, shape, or form something you should take directly out of context, because I only know about politics from what I read, and what I research. However, I am very involved in Politics because it's something that we have to deal with during the course of our lives, so more or less, I'm giving you a shorter, sweeter version of how to vote, and who's what on the important topics. Of course, like I said, this is VERY abridged. From the picture above, this is what George Bush, our current President had to walk in to, and I have all of the respect in the world for him as a President, and I think he's one of the great one's for what's he's tried to do after Clinton left us in such a travesty (if you think Clinton was great, discontinue reading the later of this blog because you obviously don't understand Politics, proceed to a dark corner in your room, and crouch down, grab your knee's, and rock back and forth till the white suits get there)...

I want to further advise you that I am not a Political Prodigy, I can't read the future, but I'm advising you on the important topics of people our age, and what it will be like in the future for our kids with the topics at hand. I'm only giving you what I know from what I've researched. I found the picture above and that's what really made me think of Politics, the economy, and what's happening currently with the previous list... The lemon represents America's Economy. We are trying to fix this lemon by trying to build off of it, and basically, all that we are doing is hurting the people that spend wisely, live by only what they need and don't overspend and screw themselves and lose it all. Basically, we're paying for the all of the younger generations mistakes that graduated college, got jobs, and bought houses that were far more than they needed, and now can't pay, so I have a nice thank you for you if you want to drop by the house sometime... ASSHOLES!!! However, the lemon also signifies the coffin that is America, and the nail, well, that's the nail in the coffin, because as of right now, no President is going to be able to fix how screwed everything is. Basically, the next couple of Presidents is going to be the "postpone the inevitable" fall guy, and as of right now, I would almost like that to be Obama because yes, I hate him that much (not because he's black, or muslim, but because I'll explain later)... The penny, well, I'm not really sure why the penny is in there, but that could represent how much America is worth, or National City stock, either one, pick one... I just thought the picture really symbolized everything very well...

Okay, onto the pressing issues, since this is very abridged, here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to cover the issues that the Candidates are FORE and AGAINST just by name and I'm only covering the topics that are important to me. As for a list for EVERYTHING that they are FORE and AGAINST, you can check out this great website: http://www.ontheissues.org/default.htm

Like I said, this website is great, because it's not biased, and it goes by what the candidates have said from previous speeches... (I am biased, being a Conservative and all, but I'm still going by the facts... You'll see it I'm sure...)

Barack O'Drama:

Abortion: (be it that I'm adopted, this is a big deal for me)

-Has chosen common ground between both Pro-Choice and Pro-Life (haven't we seen this before??? Hint: John Kerry)

Budget and Economy:

-Wants to increase Government spending to bring back "failing" economy, and slightly raise taxes of American people.

Gun Control: (Huge for me!!!)

-Wants to take away CITIZENS second amendment rights, but give retired police officers rights to Conceal and Carry.

-Wants stricter licensing requirements for CCW permits.

-Wants to ban semi-automatic weapons.

-Limit purchases to 1 gun per month.

-Has signed local gun bans in previous years.

Immigration: (Another biggie for me)

-Says America has no reason to fear today's immigrants.

-Says we need to recognize the humanity of today's immigrants. (Todos Somos Americanos)

-Doesn't believe in deporting illegal immigrants guilty of crimes in America.

-Wants to ok Government Programs to speak in Spanish.

War On Terror:

-Wants to withdraw troops from Iraq, Afghanistan, Iran, etc, IMMEDIATELY!!!

-Doesn't believe in finishing establishing democracy in foreign countries.

As I said before, these are the only issues of REAL concern for me at my age, race, etc...

John McCain:

Abortion:

-Has stood Pro-Life from the beginning.

-Has always consecutively voted Pro-Life since in office.

Budget and Economy:

-Hopes to lower taxes for working Americans.

-Wants to help raise Social Security funds for the elderly, but not raise taxes.

-Wants to make a list of budgetary spending in manner of most important to least and put it to work for the American people.

Gun Control:

-"Prosecute Criminals, not Citizens for gun ownership..."

-Ban cheap guns, require gun locks for safety, and ban gun show loopholes.

-Supports gun ownership, but doesn't own one.

Immigration:

-Deport the several million illegal immigrants guilty of crimes in America.

-Restart comprehensive reform only AFTER securing the borders of America.

-Has never voted for Amnesty for illegal immigrants.

-Once borders are secure, then start to slowly allow "guest workers" and policies.

War On Terror:

-See out finish in Iraq, and establishment of Democracy among people.

-Gradually withdrawl troops from Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, etc, only after we have secured a form of ruling in Iraq.

-More spending to keep troops safe while oversea's.

As I said, the best candidate to even attempt to pull us American's out of the travesty that was Bill Clinton is John McCain, unlike the Democratic candidates, he has always stuck by his word, and only taken one side of the issue and defended it to the ends of the Earth. He is a strong class of character, and has a distinguished record and military background to prove it. There you have it folks. You know who I'm voting for, and unfortunately for some, you'll just watch the commercials and believe everything that the liberal media has to say, but try to check things out for yourself on non-biased sights. We'll See Ya

-6,504 people are voting Conservative after reading this because I am...

What Exactly Are They Surviving? The Nagging Of The Girls On The Island? Give Me A Break!

This has been something that has been bothering me since what, 1999? I can't stand this stupid show anymore. With a name like Survivor, people should be dying, or be jumping off cliffs and having near death experiences, not forced to sleep outside of the house because you couldn't complete a stupid task that involved walking across a bamboo laced ladder. Seriously? This is surviving what? Where exactly is this going to help you "survive" anything? Now maybe if they had good ole' Bear Grylles or something on there, and you had to do what he did, then you could call the show Survivor. Here's my idea for the show:

They have the right idea in picking places like Africa and crazy lands like that, because it's ridden with diseases and horribly poisonous animals, now that's a show you can call survivor. Now, you fly these people out blindfolded in a helicopter, into the middle of Africa in the most dangerous area, in the middle of the night, with nothing but the clothes on their back, and spray them with hogs blood. Then you unload them, wish them luck, and tell them to meet you at the zulu point (exit for all you non-military people). Here's the catch, you don't tell them that it's back in the United States. Now that my friends, is how you play survivor. However, you still only get $1,000,000 because well, the crap their doing now is not even worth $50,000, but trust me, you make it from Africa back to the United States, and find out where the finish is, trust me my friend, YOU WIN, AND I APPLAUD YOU AS GOD!!!

As for this garbage they have now, you all are a bunch of no ball pussy losers, and so are the people that watch that stupid show... We'll See Ya

-3,405,430 people stopped watching survivor and started watching Man vs. Wild, because it's clearly what they've been missing in their life after they read this...

Homoerectus or Homosexual? Who Cares, Just Get Off My Television...

Every once in a great while, a commercial comes along that really makes you think about things in your life, and you're forced to sit there and watch, and really think about things, like life, death, the non-sense crap that happens in between those two periods of time... This, however, is not one of those commercials... One of the commercials that I was mentioning was something like the Sarah McLachlin (sp) about the dogs and the SPCA needing help, or the starving kids in Africa that Brad and Angelina haven't adopted yet, etc... Either way, ever so often, we're blessed with a new Geico Insurance commercial, that doesn't:

a.) make me laugh

b.) make me think

c.) make me want insurance

d.) make me wonder where we actually come from

Not only can I not stand the very way they interact in today's society, but I can't stand the way they look. The look like a caveman had sex with Alf and look what happened! And why do they get so offended about being cavemen? What's so wrong with being a turning point in human evolution? Yeah, sure, we make it look easy now that we have tires made of rubber instead of stone, screw us right? Maybe they just don't belong in today's society... Beyond the point my friends, they really need to stop these clowns from being on my television, because I start getting a vein in my head that pops, and starts causing hemorrhaging, and it just makes life not feasible anymore.

As for the Geico Gecko, I really have nothing too terrible to say about him, I mean, I like his accent, the fact that he talks and is understood makes me wonder, but I've seen Dr. Doolittle, so I know stranger things can happen... As for the Gecko though, why does this strange, Crocodile Hunter wanna-be keep following him? Get lost pal, this Gecko is out there doing work, and you're interfering with his game plan. Maybe him and Marvin Lewis could get together and find a better way to manage their time (that right there is for George, he knows exactly what I'm talking about...) We'll See Ya

-6.1 billion people are now convinced by the stupidity of these cavemen commercials that we did not derive from these queers...

Really?!?! This Is About 8 Too Many...

So as I sit here at work trying to think of something to write about that has recently pissed me off, it was no competition when I started to brainstorm ideas. Following a long weekend of either foodborne illness or stomach bug viruses, and spending most of my time hugging the toilet I realized it may partially be because of the stellar Bengals game (and by stellar, I mean horrible, and by Bengals game, I mean Cowboys game). Aside from whoever's game it was, I realized that another curse is upon us as movie critics and movie goers at the end of this great month... You know, this is supposed to be a month of scary, true horror stories, but no, instead we're in this never ending, cluster "expletive deleted" cyclone of the same boring message of a crappy movie, wrapped in a warm shell of boring, with just a dash of no flavor or substance at all... Thank you Lionsgate Films for producing such a filet of crap that for some reason, still pulls in money from all of the 8 - 10 year olds that get dropped off at Rave by their parents only to annoy me and piss me off as I'm trying to enter the maze-like theatre of over-testosteroned little boys that are so horny they would probably hump a basketball, because that's the best shot they have of getting a shot off... But that's neither here nor there...

Getting back to the story, if you are one of the lucky one's out there that is yet to see this hour and some time of crap filled mumbo jumbo, then I praise thee, but for some reason, I have been clowned into seeing 2 of these by girls that are looking to get "scared..." Sorry, doesn't work for me... When they were looking for "oooohhhhhs" and "aaaggghhhhs" and all that crap girls do in the theatre's, all they got from me was "zzzzZZZZzzzz," and yes, my snores do get louder, ask my past girlfriends, they'll inform you... Let's just look at some of the aspects of the movie shall we?

Google up Moral of Saw Movie, this is what you'll find:

"Jigsaw, a psychotic serial killer, continues his wave of terror. As his criminal-types turned victims make their way through a series of puzzles (of Jigsaw's design) to determine their "worth," each understands that his or her life is at stake. This movie shows a man being burned alive, and a woman is thrown into a pit filled with hypodermic needles. The language is very bad with the f-word used frequently..."

Now, don't quote me, this is not what I'm saying, because anyone dying these ways is cool, and the F-word in any movie is awesome by any means, but in all honestly, that's not the best way to describe it... Basically, a terminally ill man feels that people that don't appreciate their life, don't deserve it, so in a sense, he puts them in life threatening, near death experiences to see if they're willing enough to fight for their life, in which most don't, and they eventually all die... That's it... Sorry to ruin all 150 Saw movies for you, but that's what it comes down to.

Basically, with the picture above, this is what I feel like doing to myself everytime I'm dragged against my will to go see these crappy attempts at film-making... Maybe they should mix it up a bit, and maybe not have anyone die, that would really throw everyone in a loop... Also, for a terminally ill cancer patient, he's really survived quite a long time, and somehow, someway, he continues to live on, although he might have died by now, but I'm sure, for Lionsgate's sake he's still holding on, you know, without medical assistance or anything of that nature. but maybe they should make a movie about how he cures terminal cancer, and saves the people that do deserve to live, and make a positive movie and really throw people off... Maybe for Christmas time or something... Either way, this movie is lover over-DONE, and I hope it dies out soon... No pun intended... We'll See Ya

-2,547,321 people are going to see-saw, and the others are going to go see the movie saw IV when it comes out after reading this...

This Is How I Feel When I'm At Work...

I know I talk a lot about how much I hate my job, and how every day that I

a.) have to go into work.

b.) walk into work.

c.) sit in my chair at work.

d.) leave for lunch at work.

e.) come back from lunch to work.

f.) sit in my chair from coming back from lunch to work.

I think you get the point. But on a serious note, I really don't know if I can do this job much longer, because I'm starting to feel like I've never actually gone home, gone to bed and get up and go to work again, I think I just leave and come back shortly after. I've begun to realize that this downward spiral that I call my everyday life is beginning to kill me, in many different ways. I feel that deep down, my passion for drinking and my constant nag for a cigarette are direct contributions from work... When I'm at work, of course I have a smile on my face, I'm a kind, caring individual because we're not just a bank, we're National City Bank (insert puke in throat). I think in some crazy, misunderstood, very backward way, my life has become that of Tyler Durden. Let me explain.

In my past job experiences, I have had to be so nice to everyone, and care about every Benin, innate detail of their stupid, pathetic messed up lives, that I finally got so sick of it that I created this alter-ego that I have come to enjoy and hate at the same time. The one that you all have come to know as Hoopes. Now Hoopes and Ryan are greatly different mentally, and emotionally. Physically, you're right, we do look the same, and in fact, have some of the same mannerisms... Although I think the nice guy, petty BS crap that I have put up with for so long finally made me mold myself into my own Tyler Durden (Hoopes)... Now don't get me wrong, I like Hoopes, and he's a good time and all, but when he's done partying Friday night, all he does is leave me for Saturday morning all by myself, where I'm left to clean up all that he put me through Friday night. This character, Hoopes, if he were to ever come out at work, would be a mass destruction of everything that Ryan has built over the long span of work he's done on his resume. The mere fact that I'm even writing this blog right now hints on the tipping of that very door being unlocked to release this heinous beast among these very customers and co-workers that have taken my kindness for weakness. Trust me my friends, you would not want Hoopes to come out at work...

I have put up with so much bitch work over such an elongated period of time that I don't even know how to say no to anything anymore. Everyone just assumes that I will say yes, and they give me the work to do. If Hoopes were here and they just set this immense pile of what I call Bitch Detail on my desk, I would hate to see the psychotic reaction that would soon entail. I don't even know if Ryan would have time to even attempt to harness back the very crazy that is Hoopes. I think about what Tyler Durden said in "Fight Club," and it made me realize something important. He said "You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your (F'ing) khakis. You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world." Basically, what's he's saying is, everything you've ever known about yourself, means nothing to anyone but you... You're basically everyone's bitch, and that's all you can do in life... Well, Hoopes and I were talking as he was drunk last weekend, and he kind of convinced me of something. It's time that Ryan steps up for himself, and takes a stand against bitch detail... I just need to tell them that I'm an equal, not just someone to turn to when they are too lazy to do their own work... It's time to man up and show them I'm not their all singing, all dancing crap of the world...

I realized soon after thinking this, that maybe we come up with these characters when we think of saying no to someone in our head, because we walk away thinking of what we really wanted to say, but don't, because we think in retrospect, we would get fired, or reprimanded if we said that? But I'm tired of always walking away, shoulders slouched, feeling like a pussy because I remained speechless and didn't stick up for myself... But what if we didn't get fired? What if we're too valuable of an aspect in a failing economy that they couldn't fire us for speaking our minds? What if they need us so bad, and the one day we self destruct and say what we've been meaning to say for days, months, years, decades, comes out and we take them by complete surprise? Would it be something like the United States bombing Japan in World War II? Would we hit so hard, and so covertly that they wouldn't have any choice but to surrender with their tail between their legs? Would we be able to watch as our predator becomes our prey? Could we watch that look of terror smear across their face as we unload years of frustrations off of my chest and onto theirs? More importantly, would the self gratification of the very pistol slinging entourage of words be enough to put that shocking face onto them? You know, that look of dismay, and anger, and fear, and all other emotions that we get when someone takes us by complete surprise... I may not have an answer for that yet, but I can guarantee with the rate my job hatred is going, I should be there shortly, and you will see... Could end up either way, but all I'm hoping is that it happens soon, because too much more of this, and I will be that guy at the top of the page...

WARNING:

As I do not condone the use of gun's and/or violence to solve work related issues, this blog is not to be taken as serious as the picture placed above. I, said blogger, have never been to the point of the picture placed above, however, the point does feel close... I know many people have problems at work, and feel they are worthless to their company, but this is not a way to solve the problem. Please take this into consideration when thinking about your job, and thinking about the picture above. If at any time you do get to the point of the said picture, please take time to email me ryan.hoopes@nationalcity.com or feel free to call or text me at (513) 502 - 4786.

We'll See Ya

-450,341,256 people just realized they feel the exact same way as I do, but are crazy enough to do this after reading this...

I'm Not Racist, I'm Just Tired Of Dealing With This On A Daily Basis... Not To Be Taken The Way It Will Be...

WARNING:

The following blog features opinions formed from working in the real world.

Anything read by said reader(s) is not to be taken in as fact or used against said

blogger as racist remarks. This blog was written by a non-professional in the

field of blogging or by a trained blogger. Therefore, do not try these blogs at

home or place of employment. You have been warned...

Here I find myself again, at work. Another exciting day in the life of a bank teller in the midst of an economy downfall. Which as you all know brings in the best of characters and people from all over the area. People are all concerned about the downfall of banks, and where their money is going to go, and how they will re coop all of their hard-earned money. All during this jigsaw puzzle breakdown I have noticed a trend among my common customers. The customers that are always in good standing with the bank know exactly what is happening, and are able to understand that we ARE FDIC insured, up to $100,000, therefore any account bearing your name, is FEDERALLY guaranteed up to that amount. Anyways, I realize I'm straying far from the point, but it's my blog, and I'll do and say what I want... Back to my point of this article...

So on a regular basis, and by regular basis I mean, everyday at least 2 to 3 times, I get a customer that is, let's say for lack of a better word and political correctness, an "undocumented worker" comes in to cash a check. Now, they walk in covered in white dust and mud from drywall, landscaping, fruit picking, I don't know what, but those are just a few "common idea's" as to what I believe they are doing... Now their checks, depending on whether they work for another "undocumented worker" that somehow owns his own "construction company"writes the check for an amount that looks foreign to me. The amount may be $1,253.41, but the written amount comes out as "one tousan to hondred five tree + four one..." What the crap does that say? Really? Is that really a "+" sign on your check? Wow, it just boggles my mind, but even better, is when you ask them how they would like their "tax free" may I add, cash back? They reply, "yes..." Why do they reply yes you ask? Because they didn't understand one word of what I just asked them...

Even better is the Indian people that come in, not the "hiya hiya hiya hiya" Indian's, but the "thank you, come again" Indians. Now these are a different class of people. They come in and want 2 things. They want to deposit in their savings account, and they want a balance every time. If you don't know this, your first time helping them is a 3 act play with intermission. Because they barely speak broken English if anything. They usually bring their kid in that speaks moderate to mediocre English so they can speak whatever the heck they speak... It all seems like screaming, or my parents house on Saturday mornings... But if they don't have their kid, you're in trouble buddy... Here's a typical transaction with a new one: (For sake of telling the truth in this story, we'll call him Singh...)

Me: Hi, how are you doing?

Singh: (non-chalantly looks at me and doesn't speak)

Me: Ok, what can I do for you today?

Singh: I like deposit my account...

Me: Ok, is it checking or savings?

Singh: Savings...

Me: Ok, do you know your account number?

Singh: No...

Me: Ok, what's your name (humor me)

Singh: His name really is Balandiker Singh

(What I hear him say is "cough sneeze burp Singh")

Me: Ok, can you spell that?

Singh: Here's my I.D.

Me: (Great, my chances of hearing you spell that are about as good as I could have guessed)

Me: Ok, here's your receipt, have a good day...
Singh: Balance? (sounds like Bowen...)

Me: Sure, here you go, have a good day...

Singh: (walks away just as he came in, no bye, no good day... Nothing...)

So not only are they rude, and don't know but 4 words of English that when they even speak it, doesn't sound like English, but it's ridiculous if you ask me... If you don't know English, get out of here... I don't LIVE in Mexico, but I at least know enough Spanish that if I did go, I could speak you to with what I need! But I'm also just visiting, not living there! I'm tired of having to deal with these people that don't pay taxes, make my taxes higher, and get away with so much crap... That's also another reason as to why I really, really, really, really, really need a new job, although I'm sure wherever I go, and whatever I do, I'm sure I'll still have to deal with these people in one way or another. We'll See Ya

-543,748 people just realized that their lawn service employs illegal immigrants after reading this...