How About Blame Yourself?

I was reading the Enquirer today, yes, while at work... What the hell, I'm paid to be here, and if there's no customers, what do you want me to do? Anyways, as I was reading the top stories, I saw one about something that used to be a pretty popular part of my life, and many of my friends. There was a story about a 22 year old that was killed in a street racing accident. As always, death perks my interest so I clicked the story and began to read. The story went on to explain that a "kid" at age 22 was killed when the car he was "riding" in wrecked and flipped and he was ejected from the vehicle. The driver and the other passenger was injured, but is expected to survive. This brings up a very logical question, why was this guy racing 6 other cars on a back road in Clermont County with passengers? If you know you're going to race people, you practically empty your car for weight differential. However, the driver of the 1992 Honda Civic went off the side of the road and into an embankment. I know what you're thinking, stupid kids trying to make their little "rice burner" quick. It did however, spark quite a debate on Enquirer Comments. People were saying that the kid deserved to die, and the other parties involved should rot in jail. Really?

I'm not one to condone street racing, but when my friends and I did it, we went to abandoned truck stops late at night when there was no one around. We raced on a stretch of property that was at least a quarter mile or longer, and 2 people went at a time. There were no dangers, no people in the way, and no one ever got hurt. What I'm trying to say is that get smart about it. Police don't care as much when you're doing it where no one is going to get hurt. The Cops showed up twice and told us to leave, because we're being "loud." Of course we are. You have Mustang GT's with Borla exhausts and superchargers, Honda Civics with GReddy exhaust systems. How we made it through 4 hours of chilling and racing is beyond me before getting thrown out. The point is, when you're not out there on the roads racing with other cars around, then you're likely to get in less trouble.

Then something somebody said really sparked my interest. "1992 Honda's shouldnt be racing. Paul Walker and Vin Diesel don't drive Accords... These kids shouldnt have tried their fate doing the "Tokyo Drift" while driving "Fast and Furious." Regardless of what year the car was, or who did what, you're going to blame movies for their actions? Don't get me wrong, watching the movies got me ideas on what to do to modify my car, but I don't think in my entire life I've ever seen street racers close off a good size portion of a city and race. It could never happen, just like 4 black Honda Civics could not knock off or "drive under" a semi truck. Are you going to blame robots that put shotty parts on new cars while they're being built on Transformers because the robot is not partnered up with Optimus Prime therefore being a "bad robot?" Are you going to blame the worlds destruction on Terminator? No, why? Because "THEY'RE FICTIONAL FUCKING CHARACTERS!!!" Paul Walker has NEVER been pulled over for Street Racing. You can't blame video games/movies for people's problems. There has never been a study that can ultimately prove that video games/movies are in direct correalation to aggression/violence within kids/young adults. That's just parents trying to take the blame off of them for bad parenting. Kids are going to do what they know they can get away with. The fault is ultimately on those that make the bad decisions. When Kyle jumped off the bridge in Brookville and didn't get hurt, Matt followed... They called me a pussy for not jumping off until I eventually jumped off. If I had gotten hurt, would I have blamed them? Absolutely not, I jumped, no one pushed me. Of course there was peer-pressure, but there's always peer-pressure.

I don't blame the bar for me getting an OVI. Most people try to say that the bar was pressuring them into drinking more and more, or their friends. Not true. When you drink and drive, it's YOUR decision. Don't blame movies/games, don't blame parents, don't blame anyone but your stupid self. Yes, I have sympathy for the kid that died, but seriously, that's going to be a real eye-opener when these kids are at his funeral. But the kid made that choice that night, and he's the only one to blame.

A Look Back... Asking If There's Regrets...

Note: If you're looking for the Book Title Voting Booth, Please look back 2 blogs, and that's where you'll find it, and VOTE!

As for this blog, I plan to be alittle more serious...

As I sit in what is my cell more or less, I look back through facebook photos of the past 2 or so years and look at my life. I sit here at my computer, looking out the window as it pours down rain. Reminiscing on past photo's, memories, friends, etc. I think about all of the times that I've passed out in the parking lot of Brazenhead. I think about the times I've bought beer and such for friends that were in need. I think about the times that I've been drunk and decided that I'm good enough to drive home. I think about the times that I've laughed when my friends ask if I'm ok to drive, and I simply reply, "we'll see I guess..." All the while, I'm listening to a song by Thriving Ivory called "Angels On The Moon."

Do you dream , that the world will know your name?

So tell me your name. (Tell me your name.)

Do you care, about all the little things or anything at all?

(Anything at all.)

I wanna feel, all the chemicals inside I wanna feel. (I wanna feel.)

I want a sunburn, just to know that I'm alive...

To know I'm alive. (To know I'm alive.)

Don't tell me if I'm dyin, cause I don't wanna know.

If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go.

Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming, of angels on the moon.

Where everyone you know, never leaves too soon.

Do you believe, in the day that you were born?

Tell me do you believe. (Do you believe.)

And Do you know, that every day's the first of the rest of your life.

Don't tell me if I'm dyin, cause I don't wanna know.

If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go.

Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming, of angels on the moon.

Where everyone you know, never leaves too soon.

This is to one last day in the shadows.

And to know a brother's love.

This is to New York City angels.

And the rivers of our blood.

This is to all of us, to all of us.

So don't tell me if I'm dyin, cause I don't wanna know.

If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go.

Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming, of angels on the moon.

Where everyone you know, never leaves too soon.

Yeah, you can tell me all your thoughts, about the stars that fill polluted skies.

And show me where you run to, when no one's left to take your side.

But don't tell me where the road ends, cause I just don't wanna know,

No I don't wanna know.

Don't tell me if I'm dyin.

Don't tell me if I'm dyin.

It's funny, because I sit here, and remember all of these crazy, drunken times in my life, and I just laugh, because there's no doubt that I had a blast. There's not a question in my mind that I was an awesome beer ponger, or a great flip cupper, or even an amazing and up and coming beer baller, and there's no doubt that people I bought beer for thought I was a God at drinking games, but I sit here and ask myself, was it all worth where I am now?

All that I can say is absolutely... Now I sit here, on a sense of house arrest, and just think about all the fun I've had, and all the money I've spent on something that I thought made me happy, and cool, and fun... I realize what a jerk I was at times, and what a nut I was at some parties, and what a jackass I was when I said certain things to people because I was drunk... I sit here and think about had I not gotten the D.U.I., would I be sitting here at my computer typing a blog, or would I be getting dressed after a shower, to get out of the house and go to Brazenhead, or Cubby's to drink beers and pre-game to go to the bar later, or McCauley's, or wherever else... Would I still be sitting here, thinking about what I could be doing to myself? Had I not gotten in trouble, would I still be sitting here... The answer is no... I would be focused solely on who I'm meeting up with, and where we're going to drink... I wouldn't be thinking about the repercussions of the alcoholic tendencies I had at that point. It's funny, because the former alcoholic that talked at my diversion program said you'll know that you changed when you're sitting down at home, after not having drank for awhile, and ask yourself, it's 7:20 on a Friday night, what am I doing tonight??? And there's no answer, but you know you're not going to hit the bottles, or the bars... So I asked myself... It's 7:30 on a Friday night, what am I going to do tonight??? All I came up with was television, maybe a movie, maybe reading my book, maybe writing my book, but I know one thing, I'm not going out to the bars... And for the first time in a long time, I'm happy... But then again, I'm depressed... I see and hear my friends that are younger talking about how they're having a huge party, and they can't wait to go out and get drunk, and they are living the life I lived 2 or 3 or 4 years ago, and as much as I want to tell them where it's going to lead them, I can't... I find people understand better when they live through it, then when they just hear about it... I found out the hard way, and since, I've been saving my money, because I don't smoke cigarette's anymore, I don't go to the bars, I don't drink anymore for God's sake! Not even for God's sake, for my sake! It's an amazing feeling knowing that I've left that part of my life behind me, and not just because I can't drive, because I could sneak out and have someone pick me up and return right to that part of my life, but I don't want to. I've come to the realization that there's so much more to life than bars, and drinking, and smoking, and being dumb and adolescent. Of all people that I didn't think would ever attempt, or let alone get a good start on writing a book it would be myself... My friends still text/email/call me and ask me if I'm serious about writing this book, and it's funny, because I'm finished with my introduction and 2 chapters, and it's already about 20 - 25 pages, and there's still plenty more to go!

I know now what I'm capable of doing, and being great doesn't seem that far away. I'm not expecting my book to be the next New York Times Best Seller by any means, but I do want people to realize, from someone who's been there, that there really is more to life than partying... You just have to seek it out, you have to want to change, otherwise it's like the 200 other times I've tried to quit smoking. You have to really want to change, and not for someone else, you have to want to change for yourself. You don't have to turn to faith like people say, although it might help you, but you have to change you for you, if that makes sense. But I really hope that people see this, and I really hope that people turn to themselves for help, and try to be a better person. Coming from a person that's been there, trust me, life is so much better now than it was before. At times, I do miss my friends, because they're not alcoholics, but they do enable behaviors that I don't wish to continue, but I just have to take some time to strengthen myself before I return, but when I do, I have no problem being the D.D., because if you really care for your friends, you'll be willing to do that. You have to be willing to take their keys, give them a place to crash, call them a cab, but whatever you do, you have to be strong and overcome! I'm sure a lot of you are thinking what the hell is wrong with me, but trust me, I learned so much from my 72 hours locked up at my diversion program, and so much that I want to tell others, so there it is! Be strong, overcome the power of the addiction of alcohol, and learn to use it responsibly!

So if someone asks me if I regret what I did in my past, I only have one answer for you, no way! What I did was fun, and one hell of a costly learning experience, but you ask me if I'd do it again, I'd say one time around was good enough for me. I would definitely have changed things, I would definitely take my friends keys a lot more often than when I did, and I would thank my friends that took my keys when they knew I wasn't good. I just hope that my younger friends see this, and make the change before they screw up their lives, become alcoholics, etc... There's not a doubt in my mind that drinking is fun, for me it was fun, but now it's all about responsibility, and I have one responsibility, and that's to making my life better for myself, and that's what I plan on doing, and that's who I plan to do it for... Trust me, I wasn't forced to write this as part of my diversion program, ask anyone, things have changed, and so has my life. I must say, when you change, you'll know it, and you'll feel so much better about your life...

We'll See Ya...

If 1 person reads this and feels like changing, then I have succeeded in a goal that I set for myself...

In The Event You Need To Cheer Someone Up:

If you're looking for the "Book Title Voting Booth," please scroll down, this blog is intended for my concerned friend that is having a bad day.



So I'm sitting thinking about what to write about, when suddenly I'm thrown into a good ole' episode of GangLand on NatGeo. Now, this was no regular episode of my 3rd favorite show. This time they're talking about a branch of "The Kings" in North Carolina. Now don't get me wrong, as gangster as I'm not, I know you're supposed to "Represent your Hood" and all that shit, but this actually blew my mind. The guys "Hood" was Hidden Valley... Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but they make salad dressings right? So, what are you more scared of, getting shot, or getting your salad tossed? Because I think I'd laugh if somebody said "Reppin' Hidden Valley," and I'd probably reply, "no doubt, ranch with bacon dawg!" "Everybody knows Martinez's shit is the BOMB!" This "gang" became so big in Charlotte that they had to create a Gang Task Force. Really? For Hidden Valley? All you have to do is stop importing Lettuce, and Chicken Wings, and then boom, no need for Hidden Valley... That's like the Keebler Elves roling 103 deep in a Chevy Aveo... I mean come on? Really?!?! At least when you "rep" West Chester, you call it the Dub C, and people know! But Hidden Valley? "No thanks, I'll have the soup, I was never really a salad guy..." Now they have "street soldiers" to warn of the dangers of joining the gang, so you mean taste testers? Like those old broads at Krogers with the samples? Shiiiiiiiiiiiit, that's my shit! My dude in the show actually said "Snitches Get Stitches!" I was thinking more along the lines of "Lettuce and Tomato Get BACONED BITCH!" Please, you're not scary, in fact, it's borderline gay... For all you wanna-be gangsters, just give up now, you'll never be Hidden Valley... Never...



Hope your day gets better!

I'm Writing A Book... Stop Laughing... Seriously...

Ok, so after I've begun reading Tucker Max's "I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell" book, I've decided to share my story with the world...



"But where do we, your loyal readers (all 5 of you) come into play here?"



I'm glad you asked, because you my friends, are the voting voices of the title of my book...



So without any further adue, here are the titles, so comment in on what you think the title should be:


-If This Is Growing Up, I Think I'll Stay A Toy's R' Us Kid...

- How To Ensure Front Row Seats In Hell...

-So You Think You're Crazy?

-Ryan Hoopes And The Day I Met Him...

-A Parents Guide To Raising A Failure.

-Failure In Life For Dummies.

-Ryan Hoopes: No Thanks, I Don't Dance...

-I Wish They Didn't Lie To Me In Grade School...

-Adulthood Is Overrated...

-Ryan Hoopes: Growing Up West Chester.

-Make It Another Round Bartender...


There you have it folks, go ahead, go nuts, and VOTE!!!

Ryan's Road To Redemption...

So recently, I've had the opportunity to spend a lot of time by myself, in more or less what I call being able to soul search. As we all know, the O.V.I. put a pretty big strangle hold on my life and where it was going. Over the weekend of April 2nd - April 5th, I was on lock down at the Holiday Inn in Sharonville for my Alcohol Diversion program. In what seemed like a pretty scary getaway, if you want to call it that, I learned a lot about the choice of drinking over not drinking, and drinking and driving. After all, I was with 128 other people that made the same mistake that I made. In some of their cases, they did a lot worse than I did: Some had flipped cars, some had accidents, some blew .416's on their BAC, some were on drugs and were not drinking, etc... But all weekend, I heard speeches, and watched video's, and did group work all dealing with the biggest mistake I ever made in my life.


The first of which was a speaker named Jimmy. He was a young man that was severely injured when a truck he was riding in swerved off the road, and he was drug 100 feet by his head and hit a phone poll, and could no longer really walk, talk, and interact again, all when he was 17. Now in his 30's he is unable to get a job, and his goal is to be a Walmart Greeter because he loves people. If not scary enough, a handicap man named Tim came in that lost his brother and 2 other friends when they drove and rode drunk and crushed their car when intoxicated. Their stories alone were enough to make me think about the choices I not only made that night I drove drunk, but the many other times that I thank God, made it home safe.


I got to thinking while at this intervention of sorts, about the night I got pulled over, and what could have happened, and other nights, and got to thinking about what exactly I'm doing with my fucking life... I not only take my life into my own hands, but everyone else on the road, and if any one is riding with me, etc. On the last night, Saturday, they had 2 ex-alcoholics come in and speak to us about the choices they made in life, and in a way, the guys story kind of made me think. Although I think I was never an alcoholic, I think I did in some ways have alcoholic tendencies, like going out all the time, just drinking and drinking and drinking until the bar shut down and not limiting myself to 2 or 3 in a couple of hours and being responsible. I regret that now, but at the same time, I'm still glad that I got caught with my O.V.I. when I did, because recently I have learned a lot more about myself and my attitude is changing toward drinking as a whole.



After an entire weekend of scare tactics, I think more or less that I am cured in my world of drinking. I learned the rule that when you go out and drink, allow 1 hour for every beer that you have, and that seems simple enough, because I don't plan on going out much anyways, but at the same time, 2 or 3 beers is cheap, and it's enough for me. I finally realize my focuses on life have to be work, and school once I'm back in. I know a lot of my friends are going to forget about me along the way, because I was always the one mounting the regulators up, so to speak, but I'm sorry, but that part of my life was behind me... I can say that I did have one hell of a run, and I will have some stories to tell my kids someday. That is in the hopes that they don't make the same mistakes that I've made throughout my life... There's a lot of people in my life that I will keep in contact with, but some, those that go out all the time and drink, I'm sorry to have to say that I can't keep that up anymore, as much as I want to, because I've made an agreement with myself that I will discontinue that part of my life. It was fun while it lasted, but it's just not for me anymore.



I can honestly say that after returning home to the "criminals" and "failures" that I am still not happy about being here, but in all seriousness, I did do it to myself, and all I can do is go up from here. I'm excited to do it on my own however, because I feel that you learn a lot more about yourself through working through the troubled times, but it seems like it will be different for me, but different doesn't always mean bad, so... There will be a lot of changes coming soon, so if things seem different, I'm sorry if you dont agree with the changes, but some things in life have become more important to me than others... And becoming a much better person physically, mentally, and emotionally is much more important to me than it ever was before... We'll See Ya



1 person said "fuck people" and I thought, that's funny, because that's exactly how I feel about some people I see at work on a daily basis... But at the same time, she's funnier when she says it, and they also shit all over her, so I understand her frustrations...

Ode To Men: True Life Experiences...

As a result of an influx of many emails, concerned letters, and facebook messages, I've decided to stay positive in this time of imprisonment that I currently face, but enough with the deathly toned blogs, it's time to get back to my regularly scheduled blogs, and today, I am faced with the predicament that most of us, meaning guys, face on almost a regular basis: Dealing with women.








Throughout a man's life, we're faced with many life changing decisions. These decisions range from what to wear out to guys night, to what place should I take her out to dinner... It's time that man takes a step into reality. Women are very cultured, independent, and very knowledgeable creatures, but yet, they still know exactly how to play us like a Nintendo Entertainment System... They know exactly what buttons to press, and when exactly to press them, almost like when we enter codes into Mortal Kombat; Timing is everything! Throughout my life, I have struggled greatly, as I'm sure most of you guys have as well, with trying to ultimately get a straight answer from your date, girlfriend, girl that is a friend, ho, etc... Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but it'll never happen, and here's why...







Women are very knowledgeable on the topics that they care greatly about i.e: Shoes, clothes, styles, fashions, purses, designers, sunglasses, etc... I know guys, what the hell do we know/care about that? I'll tell you what I know about all of that:








Shoes: The last pair I bought was Nike's from Famous Footwear for $39.99.
Clothes: Jeans from Aeropostale that still hug what little ass I have for $14.99.
Styles: The last 4 outfits I wore, I wore them every Saturday, I know nothing...
Fashions: I heard that tight clothes were in, and baggy were out (I still wear baggy).
Purses: Nuff' said...
Designers: You mean Aeropostale isn't his name??? Shit...
Sunglasses: I liked George's Oakleys when I wore them, so I bought a pair... They're apparently out of style last I heard, and there's a new pair I should get for $375.00, no thanks... I'm good...








See folks, not a whole lot of thinking there on the guys part. But that's the key difference between men and women... Women are very conscientious of everything. They know if an outfit they bought in the winter will be in style by the time Spring rolls around... I couldn't tell you how many people have told me NOT to buy boating shoes, no matter the cost... But that's the difference. I buy something because I think it's funny, or trendy, FOR ME! Women buy something hoping some girl will stop her and ask her where she got that cute top from, or those shoes, or who did her nails, blah blah blah...








Therefore, I've decided to include diagrams to further pronounce my position on the complicatedness (yes it's a word because I fucking said it!):





The objective was to find a new pair of jeans, how the man does it:

As you can see, we know where to park to find the minimal distance to walk to get exactly what we need. Take note that he finds the store, and picks out what he needs, and leaves. No unnecessary trips, no stupid stops to see window shopping crap, just in and out, and the only reason he had to go out and around was because there was a group of girls outside the store conversating about clothes, shoes, purses, etc... But as you can see, a total of 13 minutes!

Now for the women:

As you can plainly see, an objective as easy as find a pair of jeans turned into a Lewis and Clark expedition to find the new world! That's just the thing with most women. They are too busy thinking about things waaaaaaaaaaaaay too far into the future, that they are thoroughly incapable of thinking about the now... This comes out in moments such as finding a place to eat for dinner, thinking about what to do on a date, etc... So in reality, this is for all the guys out there that are forced to suffer this travesty! And girls, we know that really deep down, you know what you want to eat, but you don't want to be "the one that makes the decision" so you force it on us, so when we screw up, you're not forced into the tough spot of blame... Keep it up men, no matter what, it's a losing battle!

Note: Gentlemen, there are exceptions to this rule, not ALL women are like this, but a majority is, so be careful, and choose wisely as Dane Cook says...

I'm Looking At You Through The Glass...

I had a dream last night... One that seemed to unrealistically real... I dreamed that woke up for work, and everything seemed so typical in another day of life. I walked to the bathroom to take a shower, stood in the mirror... But when I looked in the mirror. I saw myself, but in a way, it wasn't myself at all... It was almost like an artist rendering of me. So I stood and stared, wondering if this was me, or a prank, or something of that nature. Standing there, my vision became blurry, so I went to clear my eyes, but my reflection never moved... A voice came out to me, and said "all that is necessary in life can only be obtained through hard work and dedication..." I found this weird because that is exactly what one of my basketball coaches in church camps used to tell us. I started thinking that maybe this is just my conscience playing a trick on me. Then everything in the mirror begins to wash away like a saved by the bell sitcom and opens up into to a dark hallway with a light at the end, and I climb into the mirror and walk down the hallway... It was almost a metaphor of my life, I don't know where it's going, but you know the light at the end eventually leads somewhere...

As I walk down the hallway that seems to never ultimately end, I am seeing flashbacks of my childhood played back like an old drive in projector. The movies play back almost like I'm living them again... Every step I take I stop and think about the time I was building a remote control car track with my dad in the basement, followed by another scene of me forging my parents signature on a bad test, and everything keeps playing bad to good, bad to good, etc... It's like a roller coaster ride of emotions, to which I'm not really clear on how to react... I take the time to sit back and rekindle each memory, but once done, the blank screen rolls over flipping the old scrips around and around... Flashing nothing but a blank white scrip.... It's almost like showing me that "for every action comes an equal and opposite reaction..."

The pain and heartache that I caused all came at a price. A price that now, every day I am forced to live with. I'm on what seems to be a 24 hour a day lock down at my house, and the only free time I get is the time I spend at work, and what kind of free time is that? I don't have friends, just the shadow cast off of the single light standing at attention in the corner of the cell... Every night I see a new, what seems to be film strip, and yet every day I feel like I haven't slept but maybe an hour... I wake up tired for work, and tired of being in my cell, yet, I can't stop thinking that this is what I have created for myself... My blog, more and more every day, starts to look like a diary. So I know that the same thoughts I've been having just carried over into a new day, lovely I know... I'm starting to think that the 180 days in Jail don't seem that bad anymore, but still there's that light at the end of the tunnel... Some how, some way, I've got to find something to keep me positive while I'm left with just my thoughts, and my haunting past... Welcome to my life... A life of solitary confinement, with no bars other than the one's I put up for myself...