Every life is a story... What are you writing about?

Every life tells a story. Every event that happens in our lives is another chapter. I came to thinking today after court about all of the things that I've done through out my life. And thought about all of the good that I've done, and all of the bad that I've done. Once I left the court today, after finding out I'm losing my license for 6 months, and have to pay $1,000 something dollars, and all of the legal issues that come along with that, I realized the good that came out of that ordeal. I realized how thankful that I am that I have friends that still care enough to ask how everything went, and asked if I had the money to cover it, and ask if there's anything else they can do for me, to just let them know. After finally relaying the bad news on my parents, I also realized something else. If I could go back to elementary school, and take the "what do you want to be when you grow up" test, I wouldn't need to take it. All of this time, I always talked about how strict my parents were, and anyone that truly knows me, know that I always talk bad about them, and tell how boring they are. But I came to realize, that more than anything in this world, I want to be just like my parents. (A few things I would obviously change, but that's because I pray to God that my kids are not near as bad as I am). But I realized the importance of my parents and friends today. More than I think I have ever realized it before. When I told them, my mom cried, and my dad just dropped his head. I knew at that point that I had really let them down, and I've been letting them down a lot recently. But I think truly, once I hit rock bottom with this DUI, I really realized something about myself as a person, and the story I'm writing with my life. I realized, who would actually want to read my book? Would I really have people that would want to be like me? Would I want my kids to know these things about me?

I realized today what a waste I have made with my life. I'm 24 years old, and now I have to move back into my parents house because with this new legal trouble, I don't have enough to pay my school bills, my car payment, my new insurance rate, and other minor details that come with food, water and shelter. I had to sit back and ask myself, were those beers and shots that night really worth the rest of my life going down the toilet? The answer is no... I learned, and am in the process of learning the hardest lesson of my life. Finding out who I am. A lot of people want to grow up and be famous. The only thing I was becoming famous in was how much I could drink and party and be destructive. I took a good, long hard look at myself, and for the first time, I was able to tell myself, that I not only let my family down, but I let myself down. I have truly hit rock bottom... It's hard coming to terms with myself, knowing that I have become everything I never wanted to be... My parents asked me how I can sleep every night knowing that I'm a liar, and that what I'm doing is dumb, and honestly, I don't know how... I do know that God always has a plan outlined for us, and although we do stray from that plan, we occasionally fall along the way, but he's always there to let us know we screwed up. But this life I've been living isn't worth that one night of fun. I'm going to have a lot of time with myself, to realize that what I did was dumb, and for the first time in my life, I'm not upset about that. In fact, I'm grateful. I'm glad that I finally let myself down... I was always that quiet guy in high school, that just did what was required of me, because I didn't like the people at my school that were out partying and having fun... I always told myself I never wanted to be like them, because they looked stupid... But all I did was postpone that, and I'm trying to go back to those "glory days." I've never been so ashamed of myself before, but I feel that a greater lesson has been learned. Someone told me that I have a self-destructive behavior about myself, and that it's all going to catch up to me one day, well knock knock, who's there, (it's not Mike Brown, but check that blog out too), it's my life, and it's evicting me, because it can't handle what I'm doing anymore...

2008 has been a year of mistakes for me. One's that I can't necessarily take back, but one's that I can look at, and make better choices for in 2009. I'm just glad to finally have all of this taken control of. I also want to take this time to say to anyone that does read this, that if I've hurt your feelings, offended you, or said anything to make you think negative thoughts of me, I'm sorry... Who I am hates who I've been, and from this point now, I'm going to start making some changes to become what I want to be... A more positive person, that can maybe reach out to those that are confused and help them before they travel down the road that I've been... That's basically the point I want to get to... I want to prevent anyone making the same choices that I've made. But if you have already, it's never too late to make a change. I'm going to need help, this I already know, but there's other's out there that are reaching out for someones help too, so don't be hesitant to reach out and help someone, after all, we all write a story throughout our lives, don't you want yours to be something that somebody would be inspired by??? To all of my friends and family, I love you guys more than anything, and I appreciate all that you have done for me, from this year, through my entire life, thank you, and I love you... We'll See Ya...

1 person actually figured out I wasn't being sarcastic at all during the course of reading this blog...

The Road To Recovery... What A Long Road It Is...

So recently, I decided that I wanted to quit smoking... And when you look at this endeavor, it seems so easy, and people can't believe that you wreck and go back to smoking again. But if you don't smoke, you don't realize how hard it is to quit when you smoke the way that you do. When I first started smoking (thanks to Zeek) it seemed really easy, and it was enjoyable because I was only smoking when I would go out and drink, which was frequent to often. Therefore, I would have some beers, throw back a couple of scoogies, and just relax, and it was wonderful. I remember a pack of cigarettes seemed to last me over a week, and sometimes maybe even 2 weeks. Now, I'll be lucky if I don't have to stop and buy another pack before I go to work the next day... Sometimes I find myself going through 3 packs over a weekend... I have finally come to the conclusion that I do really want to quit smoking, one of many reasons being my health and well being.

As for most of you that actually know me, know that I have tried to quit before, and have failed miserably. But I feel that this time I may be able to make some progress, because as of right now, I'm 29 hours without a cigarette, and although I feel quite antsy, and quite irritable, I still feel that if I'm strong enough, I can conquer this quest. I have had a cough now for some time, and I know it's a result of the smoking, paired with coming down with a cold. I've read many places that smoking can slow your immune system, slowing the progress your body undertakes when fighting off viruses and diseases. I know this is going to be a very difficult task to uphold, because I have almost a set routine, but I have broken this routine already this morning, and did not break in, and decide to stop and buy some more smokes... In a given month consisting of 30 days, I spend approximately $156 dollars on cigarettes. After looking through my finances, that's a savings of $1,872 dollars a year. That almost calculates to almost 4 1/2 car payments on my Civic. After looking at all of the positives, I just have more of a will to quit. This is not to mention the fact that it's just gross and causes cancer and all that cry baby crap they talk about in those dumb commercials. The savings alone are enough to drive me to quit though, and I think that by blogging about it, maybe almost like a journal, I will have somewhat of an easier time quitting.

I'm doing this also in the hopes that people will take notice of how nice and easy it may be to quit, and how rewarding it can be. I plan to blog frequently in some small blogs about behavioral changes, cravings, etc... Therefore, lets begin with Day 1...

Day 1: Started off the same time wise. I had to be at work at 10am. Usually, within my first hour of waking up, before I take my shower and start the daily routine, I would go out and smoke a cigarette, to more or less feed the need. Today was different though. Once I got up, I ate first, trying to get my mind off of wanting to smoke. After I ate, I sat down and started to burn a CD. Once I did that, I still had some extra time, another prime opportunity in which usually I would grab a scoogie... I kept having this anxious feeling that I really needed a cigarette. The feeling was almost like something was very wrong. Once I left the house for work, the time I light up a scoogie before I get to the top of the street, I had this overwhelming feeling that I had forgot something. I kept driving, knowing that had turned everything off, and shut the garage (not that it mattered, because McD was home anyways), but still had that gut feeling. Once I got to West Chester Rd and Route 42, I passed the shell station where I would usually grab a pack or 2 of smokes for the day and the next depending on how I felt. But today, I kept on driving, but feared I would pull in there out of habit. Once I came up to Tylersville and Cox Road intersection that's when I really felt the anxiety... I felt like something terrible was going to happen if I didn't get a cigarette soon. Once I pulled into work however, and walked in, the anxiety went away, because usually I don't smoke again till lunch break, and at that point, I'm pretty stressed just from working, but today seemed different, because I was busy, and wasn't as stressed. I'm starting to think that by keeping busy with something, or keeping my mind focused on something other than my smoking routine, I think less and less about having one. That might be the key, but I hope I can outlast this craving. As of right now, I have a headache, and my hands are shaking a little bit, but nothing too far out of the ordinary.

We'll See Ya

541,205 people decided to quit cold turkey with me, but have already failed after reading this...

Knock Knock... Who's There???

Caption: Hi! My name is Tyrant Brown, and I own a local amateur football team in Cincinnati, Ohio. We are trying to raise awareness of our local team. Although we're 1 - 10 - 1 (soon to be 1 - 14 - 1), we still feel that we have a fighting chance. With my leadership skills, and our coaching staff, we believe that we'll take state! This coming Sunday we are taking on our state rival The Upward Bronco's! Please buy season tickets because we don't have many people wanting to buy tickets...

(I slammed the door in his face just to let you know...)

The thing is, although if you've read George's blog before this will sound very repetitive, that we are weekly strung on to a couple of quotes that I would like to make you loyal readers available.

"Whenever you have a lot of injuries, depth plays a part," Lewis said. "Today, we weren't very good. I got my butt kicked. When you get your head kicked in like we just did, I'm not going to be very happy."

-Oh really? Because I feel like there's a slight case of Deja Vu, and I'm not talking about the strip club in mid Ohio. It seems funny, because when he says we have a lot of injuries, it's weird because it appeared to me that the Raven's had exactly the same amount of injuries and they desecrated us on both offense and defense... Strange, I know... As for the "we weren't very good" that about sums up all season, and at least he didn't say "today" after "good," because I would have blown my top. The even stranger part is he says he "got his butt kicked." He didn't get his butt kicked, but our O-Line, Defense and without a doubt Fitzpatrick got their butts kicked. How could he be happy with anything other than Housh and Larson? They get the game ball, if there actually was one... I'm more upset that I actually watched this entire travesty.

The funny thing is, I got texts from 3 different people asking if I wanted their tickets for the game, and they'd be free... Usually, if this was last year, I would have taken them in a heartbeat, but this year, I set a sample breakdown on how I decide if I want them or not, here's my sample breakdown:

Free Tickets: $0.00

Parking: $25.00

Beers: 6 x $7.25 = 43.50

Tailgating: $Best part of the day.50

Walking to the bathroom: $too many steps.75

Sitting in the cold to get pissed off: $haha.25

When you look at tickets to NFL games, Free is always awesome, however, when you utilize the price of everything to free Bengals tickets, you actually end up losing with the 2008-09 Bengals. Therefore, I turned down 3 offers. However, after yesterday's game, I've decided to be taken off of my friend's list's of people that would want free tickets to the Bengals games this year. I just decided that there is no way I will give any more money to the Bengals organization until Mike Brown comes over to my house, and apologizes to me personally for this season, and the past 24 years with the exception of 2005... Also he has to wait on me hand and foot while I call him a "bitch" all day...

On with the show:

When asked if Lewis could go through another season like this:

"Our football team won't have to go through another season like this - nor will our fans, believe me," Lewis said.

I don't know about you guys, but I believe him... We won't have to go through another season like this, you know, he's absolutely right! We've gone through 25 seasons of this, we can't have just 1 more crappy one, we'll have another 25 season's like this or they'll move to another state that doesn't want them... Fan's? What fans? The best part of yesterday's game was tailgating, and I wasn't even there, and I could tell you no one cared for the actual game! It was a home game, and I heard boo's from the stadium all the way at my house! I actually had to turn my TV up because the boo's were so loud!

"We just have to stay in coverage," Lewis said.

Stay in coverage? Doesn't he even know what coverage means? Or did he hear a REAL coach talk about it on ESPN after the gag reel that was the Bengals game yesterday? How about you hire a coach that can teach your team coverage? I've had better games of backyard football with no pads that had better coverage than anything that was seen yesterday on CBS... I wish that the Bengals could have coverage like the Macy's day parade, ALL OVER IT!!! I was so depressed with the Bengals poor play (I only say poor play because I don't know any word that is lower than poor) that I almost watched "The Notebook," which if you read my previous blog, you know I'll never do that... Here Lewis, let me help you out real quick:

Coverage - Extend over the entire surface of, to protect.

I can't even bitch anymore about this crap of a team. At least UC has a bowl game to go to. GO UC, and I'm sure they could use a stadium like PBS because they deserve it!!! We'll See Ya!

546,054 people just realized that I am amazing with the Paint program, because yes I drew that door using paint!