The Essence Of Cool... Or... Are These Guys Better, Or Worse Than 4 Popped Collars???

So I was sent this picture in an email, and after seeing it, I realized that this was my calling, and I pretty much had to blog about this. I had to bring this to the attention of the World because, yes, it is that good. The only sad thing that I truly have to report, is that this is truly a TRUE THING. This really is a gang titled "Icey Hot Stunna's..." I mean, really? When I saw this, I had to think that it was a hoax or something like my friends and I would do when we play beer pong or something, but no, sadly, this is true... Let's detail the fallacies in this photo as we go on exploration with this photo:

A.) Mitsubishi Eclipse... Really? That's truly gangster, because you never see those cars around, EVER! Those are expensive cars, BACK WHEN IT WAS NEW IN 1996!!! Of all things, it's the lowest end model of the Eclipse. I am impressed however, it's the only eclipse that I've seen that DOESN'T have a Blitz Body Kit like you're from Fast and the Furious! Irregardless, it's not a Benz or a Bentley or you know, something that rich people (stunna's) drive.

B.) The Tupac Head Bandana... Ok, you're not gangster sitting on the hood of your eclipse... Not even to mention your watch and bracelet combo. Must be that $10 Marc Ecko combination purchase from Gabriel Brothers... Plus I totally enjoy his elementary school snikes... On to the next one...

C.) Ford Ranger, everything you need to ball on the farm! There's no other truck that I can think of that makes it rain harder than the Ranger... I mean, seriously! Do you really think that your Ranger is "cool" or "stuntin'???" There should be a law somewhere that prohibits the "tricking out" of Rangers and considering it "cool..." I mean, I have seen people attempt to trick them out with body kits, and hydraulics and things of that nature. But he doesn't even go for a shiny grill piece or fender flares or anything.

D.) Really? Those neon green construction pants are AMAZING! They really flow well with your wanna-be white tee (dresses as I call them), and your white bandana. It's really too bad that I can't see his shoes, because judging from the other shoes worn by these thugs (douches') they're probably the same New Balances that my dad wears... Real gangster... I also really wish that I could zoom in on this picture because they all have some sort of wrist bands on, now I don't know if that's a tracking device that Juvenile Detention Centers loan out for petty thefts of chap stick at Walmart or what, but they all have them, so I'm rolling with that idea... Nice chain by the way, buy one, get 2 free from Traders World, or was it Turtle Creek? Maybe Piercing Pagoda???

E.) Where's the bandana? Are you the leader (if that's what we would call you)? No shirt, no exuberant colored pants to go along with your flaming homosexual personality... I just don't get it, you have to be the leader of this clown posse (I mean circus parade). Besides that, let's examine what he does have: He does have a backwards hat (notably cool), no shirt (prison partners favorite), old school Adidas that look like they've spent a lot of time "slangin" on the basketball court at the Trailer Park picnic, and the same wrist bracelets. I'm pretty sure he's got a tattoo, but I can't tell because it partly looks like he's trying to cover it up. Probably his girlfriend (domestic violence partner) that left him when she moved out of the trailer park with mom). Seriously, the leader of this group??? That's a point in time where you're a winner, and a loser at the same time... Didn't I see you at Kings Island 14 years ago??? (Wasn't P&G day, I'll tell you that much...)

F.) Pontiac Firebird... Stolen??? That's a nice car for a "thug" (ring leader) to have... I really can't rag too much on him, unless it's the one that his dad got arrested for for his 5th O.V.I. in 2 months, so they repoed the car or something like that, but there's got to be something I'm missing here...

G.) Nothing like some 14" Walmart rims to really set your firebird off... I mean, that's a grand total of maybe, $25??? Must have been that drug money from selling your dad's Viagra thinking it's Oxycontin or something... You may get a way with that in the Trailer Park, but not out in the real world buddy... Chrome is for Caddy's, leave it that way...

H.) Now I know for a fact that these rims ARE at Walmart, the Firebird is just a guess... I haven't been in the department since I got out of the, what seemed to be "racing period" in my life. But I know, beyond the shadow of a doubt that these are Walmart rims. But when you live in the remote trailer parks, you have to go to the only place you know that can trick out your car... I think they actually flow well though, however, I think he's making monthly payments on them because you can't see any of the other rims, so he probably just took the hubs off the back ones until he can afford the next 3 rims, in which he'll put those on, and take another picture...

I.) Now most people that own this car to "trick out" or "pimp out" usually put the Blitz body kit on it, (watch the first Fast and the Furious, the green eclipse at the beginning), but you went conservative, and left it stock... Have to give you credit, instead of an unpainted body kit that doesn't fit right and mismatches the rest of the car, you stayed smart... Kudos to you... Or props as you may call it, I don't know, I'm straight, so I don't know the lingo, but you get the picture...

So what else can I say for these guys? I mean, I know when I was in those car tricking out stages, we had moments of not using our heads and things like that, but some people (said above culprits) took it too many steps over the line, and made it a way of life... I don't know how well the trailer park in Kentucky takes it that they own anything other than Ford's, but that's probably why they "beat in" the Ranger... I wish this was a reality show to see what these guys actually do as "a crew..." I have to admit, as much as I would hate to watch it, I would... I just want to see where they're at now... See who's mad at who for making their car slightly faster than the others. See the battles that have happened between the clown posse... You know you'd watch it too... I'm done hating now... We'll See Ya!

2 people have actually seen these guys in a remote part of Kentucky "sitting sidewayz".... And they realized that they were once gay too after reading this blog...

10 Things You'll Never See Me Do! EVER!

Here's a short list since I haven't written anything in awhile and people are starting to wonder where I went lately of things that I'll never do, and explanations as to why I won't do them...


10.) I will never, ever wear Make Up. I'm not emo, and I'm not gay. There's just some things in life that guys should NEVER, EVER do, and that is definitely wear make up. I'm so against guys wearing make up that I won't even do it for a Halloween costume. I mean, it's allowable for Halloween, pending how funny the costume is, but if it's not very funny, then you're just gay. As for any other time, it's a man law violation for a man to wear make up. (See metrosexual blog).


9.) I will never attend an emo concert. For one of many reasons. First reason being that I hate emo people, children, anything that goes along with the word "emo." First of all, I have never truly met a real "emo" person. Partly because emo is supposed to be reserved for those people that really listen to their own styles of music, and have their own true style. The people that consider themselves "emo" all go together to the mall to shop at the same "emo wanna-be" shop Hot Topic. Here's an idea, don't shop at trendy, trashy stores at the mall if you're trying to be an individual... Just an idea idiot...


8.) I will never see The Notebook. Sorry ladies, and some of you gentlemen that have told me it's actually a pretty good movie. I'm sorry, but it's just not going to happen, so let it go. I've heard stories about it, and it's a chick flick. I don't even care if Carmen Electra asked me to watch it with her, I still would not watch it. There's a thing called principals, although I don't have many, and many of you reading can attest to this, but this is definitely one that I strongly uphold.


7.) I will never say "no pun intended." This is simply because the people that say that, know that the pun was intended, and are just saying that because they think you're an idiot, and wouldn't catch it unless they stated that it wasn't something that it really was... You follow that? Idiot... When I say something that is a play on words, or a pun, I will not say it, because I know you're smart enough to catch it, and if you aren't, then I won't laugh when you don't, because then I'll know 110% that you have no idea what I'm talking about. But yes, it's something you'll never hear me say, trust me...


6.) I will never be a vegetarian. God intended all men and women to eat meat, no matter what. It's part of a balanced diet, and to go against God, well, you know, that's what we call, "not good." Not eating meat is worse for you than eating meat, trust me. There's proteins in meat that your body needs for a healthy balance, and not eating it is really bad for you, so just eat it. Vegans are queers (see metrosexuals blog).


5.) I will never grow my hair out like these shaggy haired degenerate California wanna be skater punks. I hate the fact that these queers shake their heads constantly when you're telling them that they can't skateboard around your car in the parking lot. They keep throwing their heads around trying to keep their highlighted shaggy hair out of their eyes. Maybe you'd land more tricks if you weren't blinded by your crappy Ryan Seacrest dyed hair, just an idea, I'm just saying. You're not cute, you're not funny, and you're definitely not from California. (Those from Cali, I'm sorry, carry on with your business). Cut your hair pansies, and find a damn skate park or I'll kill you and break your skateboard, in no particular order...


4.) I will never cheer for the Steelers, even though I said I would. I was just upset with the Bengals. I bleed black and orange, which I'm starting to think could just be Halloween, because I'm completely dissatisfied with the Bengals, but I'm still hoping that it's really I just like the Bengals. I believe that everyone should cheer for their hometown team, which is why I'm also not a OSU fan, that upon many other reasons. But I'm a Bearcats fan, even though they're not very good either... In other words, Cincinnati sucks at everything, except for maybe Hockey, but still, I love them...


3.) I will never sell the first gun I bought... I will never let go of my first shotgun. I love it far too much to ever let anything happen to it. It will definitely be something I give to my son someday to pass on through generations. I don't care if I get kicked out on the streets and have nothing but that gun, but I will always have that gun... There's just some things in life that must be kept at all costs, and I don't even care if Obama tries to take it away, it will always be in my possession until I bestow the honor upon my only honorable son...


2.) I will never watch Sex in the City. This is a given, more or less than it is something I will just never do. The show is clearly for women, about women, and quite frankly, I don't have the patience or sheer will power to even attempt to watch the introduction to the show. If I even see it in my guide on Dish, I start to get alittle queasy... Speaking of which, just thinking about those old, wrinkled broads makes my stomach upset... NEXT!


1.) I will never go on a diet. I know that I am blessed with all of the metabolism that I have, that I don't have to work out, I can eat whatever I want, and never gain a thing, in fact, I'd probably lose weight. But God has a plan for me, and if it's to get fat and huge like a trucker, well then, so be it! You can't stop the inevitable. Diets just aren't for me. They're for people that care, and anyone that knows me, and I mean really knows me knows I'm careless...


So there you have it, 10 things I'll never do... Now get off my back about updating my blogs...
We'll See Ya!


645,043 people just mentally pictured me as an overweight trucker and thought it was horribly disgusting but would still be my friend...

Things I Do Like Better Than Work... A Positive Blog...

A lot of you have recently noticed my extreme hatred for work. A lot of you may share this, but some of you do really enjoy your daily grind, and for that, I Hate You!!! Therefore, as requested by many, I have taken this time out to make a list of all the possible things I could think of that I like better than work... Let's begin:

Listen to babies cry.
Listen to old people's stories of the depression.
Talk to the greeter at Wal-Mart.
Listen to John Madden.
Watch Lifetime Television.
Do volunteer work.
Listen to customers stories.
Listen to why customers overdraw.
Go to church.
Clean the house.
Read a book.
Talk on the phone.
Listen to girls talk about marriage.
Talk about committment.
Talk about relationships.
Watch Titanic.
Watch A Walk To Remember.
Watch The Notebook.
Drink wine.
Work out.
Quit smoking.
Eat healthy.
Talk to Taco Bell employee's for Investment advice.


As of right now, that's about it... We'll See Ya!



110 people thought this was going to be an optimistic blog but slowly realized it was only my sarcasm after reading it...

Old People + Technology = Dangerous

In today's rapidly changing world of technology, cars, etc... One group stands out and alone as not being able to accept the changing culture, and not being able to upgrade to the levels of thinking on which is required to accept these changes. That group, is old people... If you're one of those lovey dovey, I accept all people for their flaws types, then I STRONGLY advise you to quit reading now, and wait for another sunshine and rainbow like blog, which isn't going to be anything that I have readily available anytime soon (probably ever)! Old people, on numerous, in fact countless occasions have proven to typical mankind that they are not capable of doing anything on their own. They are quite possibly the worst drivers, their inability to use a common day computer just boggles my mind, and the fact that they choose to use the self checkout self scan at Kroger is just senseless...

Lets start where it hits me the most: Driving. Old people drivers are quite possibly the worst thing to encounter when out on the road, because they literally, after the 300 years they have been on this Earth, have forgotten what speed limits, center lines, and fast lanes are. Guess what? The rest of the civilized life forms on this Earth haven't forgotten these things! So here's an idea, old people are pretty much useless, they're wasting our Social Security, they're killing all kinds of drivers when they fall asleep at the wheel, or just plain drive their boat of a Cadillac onto on-coming traffic because their Tri-focals don't work as well as when they were just glasses. My solution: At the age of 60, all people, of all races at the age of 60 must retake the eye exam, and driving test at no cost to them. If they pass, then they must retake this test every 5 years, and they will not lose their license. In the event that they do not pass, then they are to lose their license until they pass on to whatever inevitable hell they will cause me later in life. It may sound harsh, but when I got places to go, they're always in the way, and not following the rules of the road.

Computers: Watching old people use a computer is like watching retards make love. Just not happening. I see this all the time at the bank, and online banking and old people go together like a swing set in the fast lane of the highway... (That's not good in case you didn't know that... I don't know your parents, so...) I mean, they had typewriters that have the same keying, and same things, instead, all that you have to do is look at a television like screen instead of fingers, I mean, yea, that's not as fun to look at a screen when you could look at your rheumatoid arthritis like fingers, trust me, I know... Realistically, if you can't start a computer, and hit start to access programs, then let's be real, you probably shouldn't be on this Earth...

Cell Phones: Jitterbug? That's the best name you could come up with for this old person-esque cell phone? George Michael's should be PISSED! They're basically calling him old by putting his song title with this piece of crap (not that I feel bad for that child molester, but either way)... This phone doesn't even have an on-board phonebook, you have to call some service that keeps track of all of your stuff for you over the phone. I bet those operators love their jobs. They even say in the commercial that their US Based phone service operators, so your grandparents don't have to deal with Arabs trying to tell them how to work their phones... My main question is, why do old people need cell phones? They don't go out to the bars at night, most of the time, all of their friends are dead or don't move other than to drool. Lets be realistic, your children do not want you to have a cell phone just to call and bother them either, that's why they put you in a home far, far away from them... THEY DON'T WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!!!

Here's my solution... If your parents ever told you that they took your old dog to the farm where he/she will have a much easier life, then you later found out they put him down... Well, TA DA!!! Easy, simple, painless procedure, and I will do it for you for free! In reality, this is just for the greater good of everyone! Just think about it...

We'll See Ya!

8,540,320 people feel bad that they put their parents in a home, but still completely understand where I am coming from and support me...

Never Regret, Never Forget...

In a country where a war is going on in a country thousands of miles away, it is, and has seemed very easy to forget about what is going on. We live in a country of freedom. Freedom to speak our minds, freedom to do what we please, and freedom to act out against things we feel are unjust. These freedoms, without a doubt, come at a price. The price is the lives of these fellow men and women pictured above. It seems that almost everyone in our great country has forgotten that this war is still very much going on, even though they don't report on it as much as they used to. This is only because the liberal media finally came to a conclusion that it was a good thing we took on this war, and now they can't find any reasons that we shouldn't be there. (Congrats Bush, I voted for your second term!!!)

Well, let me get to a small story. As tomorrow is Veterans day, I know I for one will be going to donate some money to the veterans. Not because I feel sorry for their sacrifice, or that there are still men and women suffering in the face of war and past wars, but because I want to extend my thank you to them. But anyways, on to the story. If you've ever donated money to the veterans that collect money outside of a Kroger or Meijer, you will know that they give you a mimic poppy flower. I had 2 of them in my old Honda Civic above my visors, and I once was on a date with a girl, that laughed that I had to fake, red flowers above my visors. I asked her why it was so funny that I had them? She replied that a guy that had 2 red flowers in his car was just weird. I asked why it was weird? She just said it was funny to see, because most people have lay's or something like that... I then asked her a very important question... I asked her if she knew what flower that was, or what it represented? She had no idea, which made me again realize how inconsiderate a country founded on freedoms was to forget those that gave the ultimate sacrifice for those freedoms that we are able to have and celebrate. She still had no idea, so when I started to tell her what it stood for, that smile and laugh quickly fell into deep thought. As I slowly went from slightly upset to glad I can educate those that are ignorant. Time for a little history lesson:

In 1921, a group of French widows visited Earl Haig, commander in chief, at the British Legion Headquarters. They had brought with them some poppies that they had made, and suggested selling them as a means of raising money for veterans survived and lost during World War I. The poppy then became the sign for Veterans and were sold as a means for the veterans to raise money to assist veterans that are disabled, etc... In 1918, Moina Michael, an American woman wrote these lines:

We cherish too,

the Poppy red,

That grows on fields where valor led,

It seems to signal to the skies,

That blood of heroes never dies...

She then adopted the custom of wearing a red poppy in memory of the sacrifices of war and also as a symbol of keeping the faith. Therefore, I ask you not to forget that these men and women are fighting for the freedoms that we have here in the United States of America. Whether you have family, friends, or people that you don't know there, please say a prayer for their safety, and their hopeful return. Also, don't forget to give something to the veterans, and receive your poppy flower. It may not mean much to you, but to the veterans, it means the world. Look at it this way:

"A veteran is someone who, at one point in his/her life wrote a blank check made payable to 'The United States of America ' for an amount of 'up to and including my life.' That is Honor, and there are way too many people in this country who no longer understand that sacrifice...''

Before you forget about this war, take a look at the facts:

1.) Troops in Iraq - Total 152,850, including 146,000 from the US, 4,000 from the UK, 900 from Poland, 650 from South Korea and 1,300 from all other nations.

2.) U.S. Troop Casualties - 4,188 US troops; 98% male. 91% non-officers; 82% active duty, 11% National Guard; 74% Caucasian, 9% African-American, 11% Latino. 19% killed by non-hostile causes. 54% of US casualties were under 25 years old. 72% were from the US Army.

3.) US Troops Wounded - 30,757, 20% of which are serious brain or spinal injuries (total excludes psychological injuries).

4.) US Troops with Serious Mental Health Problems - 30% of US troops develop serious mental health problems within 3 to 4 months of returning home.

I ask again, please don't forget these brave men and women that are heroes of the United States of America. They deserve more respect than we could ever possibly give them. We do not need another Vietnam War return for the troops of today. Whether you believe in the war or the President or not, you should still honor these brave men and women, because of the oath they underwent to fight off all enemies, foreign and domestic, and to obey all orders given by the President of the United States of America, and that is the sacrifice that they gave for us to be able to live in the freedom's here. So remember that, and the next time you see a Veteran, say thank you, shake their hand, or give to their cause, because they deserve it, and you owe it to them. So I've said it before, and I'll say it again, Thank you brave soldiers, and God bless those alive and dead, well and wounded, and fight on! We are the United States of America, and thanks to you, we remain United!

We'll See Ya

It May Not Be On VH1, But It's Just As Good If Not Better! Let The Game Begin!

In the onslaught of reality contest television shows, here's one with someone you know (any maybe love)! Any one that reads my blogs, or has heard about it and will soon check it out, is allowed to enter the contest. And by enter the contest, you're allowed to find me a date with a friend, person you know, etc... I will further explain the rules to this, because I know there's many questions. Therefore, let's cover the basic points.

1.) Must be a girl... I don't know, sometimes I have to question my friends intentions...

2.) My friends know my personality, and that's what I'm looking for, but cuteness and other things are very important.

3.) Pictures are a MUST.

4.) I will not say no to the date, because I want to explore all options, but come on, be generous!

5.) This won't run like most game shows, and you can, or I can make them aware that this is just a dating thing, so be comfortable, be yourself, and we'll go out and have a good time!

6.) Let me know a bit of information about them, so I can know what I'm in for!

Other than that, I'm just out to meet new people, and get out of fishing in the same pond all of the time. Like I said, find your friends, co-workers, preferably not family members, and let's get this game show on!

How To: Have A Successful Vacation And Not Even Leave Your Castle!

This is a Do It Yourself for those of you that take vacations off from work. I'm prepared to show you, after my PAID VACATION from work, how to make the most (or least, however you want to look at it) of your paid time off. In this instructional guide, you will learn how to be very proactive at being completely inactive. This will be like a scientific guide using the Scientific Method (See, you thought you wouldn't learn anything from these blogs):

Ask A Question: How can you take a successful vacation and not do much of anything and still have a good time?

Do Background Research: I decided to take on this great experiment for many of reasons.

a.) I hate my job.

b.) If I didn't take time off soon, it would not have been healthy for anyone in, or around my area.

c.) I just needed a break.

Therefore, I took the week of November 3rd - November 7th. I did this for the greater good of science and for the rest of the human race.

Construct A Hypothesis: I feel that there are 4 things needed to have a HIGHLY successful vacation without the hassles of having to do work around the house, or having to pay money to go somewhere. These 4 things are pictured above, but for the sake of Science, I will list them in the order of importance:

a.) Couch

b.) Beer

c.) Myself (Yourself)

d.) Pillow

Test Your Hypothesis:

Monday, November 3rd 2008

Time: 9:30am

Location: Couch

Variables: Roommate, Television, Beer, Food, Smoke Breaks.

Woke up from sleep approximately 9:00 am. Took a shower, got dressed in sweatpants and t-shirt. Came out, made eggs, and continued to eat breakfast, at approximately 9:30am, I began to drink a Miller Lite beer and continued throughout the day. This continued while I lounged on the couch. Occasionally I took smoke breaks when I felt the need. Also, I had to make trips to the Sunoco to purchase more beers and cigarettes.

Throughout the week, I followed the same routine until the weekend, unto which I had a party with some people that came over, made new friends, and drank until the wee hours of the morning.

Analyze Data: I realized that after the week's time was over, I had felt like I did nothing constructive at all, but after returning to work this morning, November 10th, 2008, I have a much better attitude and a more willingness to work, however, that is quickly fading. I did realize after analyzing the data that it just felt like I did nothing during the entire week, but after reflecting (I mean, analyzing the data) I did have an awesome week of carelessness, which was much deserved.

Report Results: My results are as follows:

a.) You can have an awesome week off of work if you sit around, watch tv, don't run out of beer, and manage to realize that you're getting paid to sleep, drink, and be as lazy as possible.

b.) Times are not as good if you run out of beer but are too drunk to go get more, you become very volatile, therefore keep a running tab as to how many are left.

c.) Make sure to keep your own pace, there's no need to jump in too soon, too fast, then you just get headaches.

d.) Have a good time, you're on vacation and should have no motivation to do real, actual work!

I hope this scientific method is a good example to all about to take their end of the year vacation.

We'll See Ya