Every life is a story... What are you writing about?

Every life tells a story. Every event that happens in our lives is another chapter. I came to thinking today after court about all of the things that I've done through out my life. And thought about all of the good that I've done, and all of the bad that I've done. Once I left the court today, after finding out I'm losing my license for 6 months, and have to pay $1,000 something dollars, and all of the legal issues that come along with that, I realized the good that came out of that ordeal. I realized how thankful that I am that I have friends that still care enough to ask how everything went, and asked if I had the money to cover it, and ask if there's anything else they can do for me, to just let them know. After finally relaying the bad news on my parents, I also realized something else. If I could go back to elementary school, and take the "what do you want to be when you grow up" test, I wouldn't need to take it. All of this time, I always talked about how strict my parents were, and anyone that truly knows me, know that I always talk bad about them, and tell how boring they are. But I came to realize, that more than anything in this world, I want to be just like my parents. (A few things I would obviously change, but that's because I pray to God that my kids are not near as bad as I am). But I realized the importance of my parents and friends today. More than I think I have ever realized it before. When I told them, my mom cried, and my dad just dropped his head. I knew at that point that I had really let them down, and I've been letting them down a lot recently. But I think truly, once I hit rock bottom with this DUI, I really realized something about myself as a person, and the story I'm writing with my life. I realized, who would actually want to read my book? Would I really have people that would want to be like me? Would I want my kids to know these things about me?

I realized today what a waste I have made with my life. I'm 24 years old, and now I have to move back into my parents house because with this new legal trouble, I don't have enough to pay my school bills, my car payment, my new insurance rate, and other minor details that come with food, water and shelter. I had to sit back and ask myself, were those beers and shots that night really worth the rest of my life going down the toilet? The answer is no... I learned, and am in the process of learning the hardest lesson of my life. Finding out who I am. A lot of people want to grow up and be famous. The only thing I was becoming famous in was how much I could drink and party and be destructive. I took a good, long hard look at myself, and for the first time, I was able to tell myself, that I not only let my family down, but I let myself down. I have truly hit rock bottom... It's hard coming to terms with myself, knowing that I have become everything I never wanted to be... My parents asked me how I can sleep every night knowing that I'm a liar, and that what I'm doing is dumb, and honestly, I don't know how... I do know that God always has a plan outlined for us, and although we do stray from that plan, we occasionally fall along the way, but he's always there to let us know we screwed up. But this life I've been living isn't worth that one night of fun. I'm going to have a lot of time with myself, to realize that what I did was dumb, and for the first time in my life, I'm not upset about that. In fact, I'm grateful. I'm glad that I finally let myself down... I was always that quiet guy in high school, that just did what was required of me, because I didn't like the people at my school that were out partying and having fun... I always told myself I never wanted to be like them, because they looked stupid... But all I did was postpone that, and I'm trying to go back to those "glory days." I've never been so ashamed of myself before, but I feel that a greater lesson has been learned. Someone told me that I have a self-destructive behavior about myself, and that it's all going to catch up to me one day, well knock knock, who's there, (it's not Mike Brown, but check that blog out too), it's my life, and it's evicting me, because it can't handle what I'm doing anymore...

2008 has been a year of mistakes for me. One's that I can't necessarily take back, but one's that I can look at, and make better choices for in 2009. I'm just glad to finally have all of this taken control of. I also want to take this time to say to anyone that does read this, that if I've hurt your feelings, offended you, or said anything to make you think negative thoughts of me, I'm sorry... Who I am hates who I've been, and from this point now, I'm going to start making some changes to become what I want to be... A more positive person, that can maybe reach out to those that are confused and help them before they travel down the road that I've been... That's basically the point I want to get to... I want to prevent anyone making the same choices that I've made. But if you have already, it's never too late to make a change. I'm going to need help, this I already know, but there's other's out there that are reaching out for someones help too, so don't be hesitant to reach out and help someone, after all, we all write a story throughout our lives, don't you want yours to be something that somebody would be inspired by??? To all of my friends and family, I love you guys more than anything, and I appreciate all that you have done for me, from this year, through my entire life, thank you, and I love you... We'll See Ya...

1 person actually figured out I wasn't being sarcastic at all during the course of reading this blog...

The Road To Recovery... What A Long Road It Is...

So recently, I decided that I wanted to quit smoking... And when you look at this endeavor, it seems so easy, and people can't believe that you wreck and go back to smoking again. But if you don't smoke, you don't realize how hard it is to quit when you smoke the way that you do. When I first started smoking (thanks to Zeek) it seemed really easy, and it was enjoyable because I was only smoking when I would go out and drink, which was frequent to often. Therefore, I would have some beers, throw back a couple of scoogies, and just relax, and it was wonderful. I remember a pack of cigarettes seemed to last me over a week, and sometimes maybe even 2 weeks. Now, I'll be lucky if I don't have to stop and buy another pack before I go to work the next day... Sometimes I find myself going through 3 packs over a weekend... I have finally come to the conclusion that I do really want to quit smoking, one of many reasons being my health and well being.

As for most of you that actually know me, know that I have tried to quit before, and have failed miserably. But I feel that this time I may be able to make some progress, because as of right now, I'm 29 hours without a cigarette, and although I feel quite antsy, and quite irritable, I still feel that if I'm strong enough, I can conquer this quest. I have had a cough now for some time, and I know it's a result of the smoking, paired with coming down with a cold. I've read many places that smoking can slow your immune system, slowing the progress your body undertakes when fighting off viruses and diseases. I know this is going to be a very difficult task to uphold, because I have almost a set routine, but I have broken this routine already this morning, and did not break in, and decide to stop and buy some more smokes... In a given month consisting of 30 days, I spend approximately $156 dollars on cigarettes. After looking through my finances, that's a savings of $1,872 dollars a year. That almost calculates to almost 4 1/2 car payments on my Civic. After looking at all of the positives, I just have more of a will to quit. This is not to mention the fact that it's just gross and causes cancer and all that cry baby crap they talk about in those dumb commercials. The savings alone are enough to drive me to quit though, and I think that by blogging about it, maybe almost like a journal, I will have somewhat of an easier time quitting.

I'm doing this also in the hopes that people will take notice of how nice and easy it may be to quit, and how rewarding it can be. I plan to blog frequently in some small blogs about behavioral changes, cravings, etc... Therefore, lets begin with Day 1...

Day 1: Started off the same time wise. I had to be at work at 10am. Usually, within my first hour of waking up, before I take my shower and start the daily routine, I would go out and smoke a cigarette, to more or less feed the need. Today was different though. Once I got up, I ate first, trying to get my mind off of wanting to smoke. After I ate, I sat down and started to burn a CD. Once I did that, I still had some extra time, another prime opportunity in which usually I would grab a scoogie... I kept having this anxious feeling that I really needed a cigarette. The feeling was almost like something was very wrong. Once I left the house for work, the time I light up a scoogie before I get to the top of the street, I had this overwhelming feeling that I had forgot something. I kept driving, knowing that had turned everything off, and shut the garage (not that it mattered, because McD was home anyways), but still had that gut feeling. Once I got to West Chester Rd and Route 42, I passed the shell station where I would usually grab a pack or 2 of smokes for the day and the next depending on how I felt. But today, I kept on driving, but feared I would pull in there out of habit. Once I came up to Tylersville and Cox Road intersection that's when I really felt the anxiety... I felt like something terrible was going to happen if I didn't get a cigarette soon. Once I pulled into work however, and walked in, the anxiety went away, because usually I don't smoke again till lunch break, and at that point, I'm pretty stressed just from working, but today seemed different, because I was busy, and wasn't as stressed. I'm starting to think that by keeping busy with something, or keeping my mind focused on something other than my smoking routine, I think less and less about having one. That might be the key, but I hope I can outlast this craving. As of right now, I have a headache, and my hands are shaking a little bit, but nothing too far out of the ordinary.

We'll See Ya

541,205 people decided to quit cold turkey with me, but have already failed after reading this...

Knock Knock... Who's There???

Caption: Hi! My name is Tyrant Brown, and I own a local amateur football team in Cincinnati, Ohio. We are trying to raise awareness of our local team. Although we're 1 - 10 - 1 (soon to be 1 - 14 - 1), we still feel that we have a fighting chance. With my leadership skills, and our coaching staff, we believe that we'll take state! This coming Sunday we are taking on our state rival The Upward Bronco's! Please buy season tickets because we don't have many people wanting to buy tickets...

(I slammed the door in his face just to let you know...)

The thing is, although if you've read George's blog before this will sound very repetitive, that we are weekly strung on to a couple of quotes that I would like to make you loyal readers available.

"Whenever you have a lot of injuries, depth plays a part," Lewis said. "Today, we weren't very good. I got my butt kicked. When you get your head kicked in like we just did, I'm not going to be very happy."

-Oh really? Because I feel like there's a slight case of Deja Vu, and I'm not talking about the strip club in mid Ohio. It seems funny, because when he says we have a lot of injuries, it's weird because it appeared to me that the Raven's had exactly the same amount of injuries and they desecrated us on both offense and defense... Strange, I know... As for the "we weren't very good" that about sums up all season, and at least he didn't say "today" after "good," because I would have blown my top. The even stranger part is he says he "got his butt kicked." He didn't get his butt kicked, but our O-Line, Defense and without a doubt Fitzpatrick got their butts kicked. How could he be happy with anything other than Housh and Larson? They get the game ball, if there actually was one... I'm more upset that I actually watched this entire travesty.

The funny thing is, I got texts from 3 different people asking if I wanted their tickets for the game, and they'd be free... Usually, if this was last year, I would have taken them in a heartbeat, but this year, I set a sample breakdown on how I decide if I want them or not, here's my sample breakdown:

Free Tickets: $0.00

Parking: $25.00

Beers: 6 x $7.25 = 43.50

Tailgating: $Best part of the day.50

Walking to the bathroom: $too many steps.75

Sitting in the cold to get pissed off: $haha.25

When you look at tickets to NFL games, Free is always awesome, however, when you utilize the price of everything to free Bengals tickets, you actually end up losing with the 2008-09 Bengals. Therefore, I turned down 3 offers. However, after yesterday's game, I've decided to be taken off of my friend's list's of people that would want free tickets to the Bengals games this year. I just decided that there is no way I will give any more money to the Bengals organization until Mike Brown comes over to my house, and apologizes to me personally for this season, and the past 24 years with the exception of 2005... Also he has to wait on me hand and foot while I call him a "bitch" all day...

On with the show:

When asked if Lewis could go through another season like this:

"Our football team won't have to go through another season like this - nor will our fans, believe me," Lewis said.

I don't know about you guys, but I believe him... We won't have to go through another season like this, you know, he's absolutely right! We've gone through 25 seasons of this, we can't have just 1 more crappy one, we'll have another 25 season's like this or they'll move to another state that doesn't want them... Fan's? What fans? The best part of yesterday's game was tailgating, and I wasn't even there, and I could tell you no one cared for the actual game! It was a home game, and I heard boo's from the stadium all the way at my house! I actually had to turn my TV up because the boo's were so loud!

"We just have to stay in coverage," Lewis said.

Stay in coverage? Doesn't he even know what coverage means? Or did he hear a REAL coach talk about it on ESPN after the gag reel that was the Bengals game yesterday? How about you hire a coach that can teach your team coverage? I've had better games of backyard football with no pads that had better coverage than anything that was seen yesterday on CBS... I wish that the Bengals could have coverage like the Macy's day parade, ALL OVER IT!!! I was so depressed with the Bengals poor play (I only say poor play because I don't know any word that is lower than poor) that I almost watched "The Notebook," which if you read my previous blog, you know I'll never do that... Here Lewis, let me help you out real quick:

Coverage - Extend over the entire surface of, to protect.

I can't even bitch anymore about this crap of a team. At least UC has a bowl game to go to. GO UC, and I'm sure they could use a stadium like PBS because they deserve it!!! We'll See Ya!

546,054 people just realized that I am amazing with the Paint program, because yes I drew that door using paint!

The Essence Of Cool... Or... Are These Guys Better, Or Worse Than 4 Popped Collars???

So I was sent this picture in an email, and after seeing it, I realized that this was my calling, and I pretty much had to blog about this. I had to bring this to the attention of the World because, yes, it is that good. The only sad thing that I truly have to report, is that this is truly a TRUE THING. This really is a gang titled "Icey Hot Stunna's..." I mean, really? When I saw this, I had to think that it was a hoax or something like my friends and I would do when we play beer pong or something, but no, sadly, this is true... Let's detail the fallacies in this photo as we go on exploration with this photo:

A.) Mitsubishi Eclipse... Really? That's truly gangster, because you never see those cars around, EVER! Those are expensive cars, BACK WHEN IT WAS NEW IN 1996!!! Of all things, it's the lowest end model of the Eclipse. I am impressed however, it's the only eclipse that I've seen that DOESN'T have a Blitz Body Kit like you're from Fast and the Furious! Irregardless, it's not a Benz or a Bentley or you know, something that rich people (stunna's) drive.

B.) The Tupac Head Bandana... Ok, you're not gangster sitting on the hood of your eclipse... Not even to mention your watch and bracelet combo. Must be that $10 Marc Ecko combination purchase from Gabriel Brothers... Plus I totally enjoy his elementary school snikes... On to the next one...

C.) Ford Ranger, everything you need to ball on the farm! There's no other truck that I can think of that makes it rain harder than the Ranger... I mean, seriously! Do you really think that your Ranger is "cool" or "stuntin'???" There should be a law somewhere that prohibits the "tricking out" of Rangers and considering it "cool..." I mean, I have seen people attempt to trick them out with body kits, and hydraulics and things of that nature. But he doesn't even go for a shiny grill piece or fender flares or anything.

D.) Really? Those neon green construction pants are AMAZING! They really flow well with your wanna-be white tee (dresses as I call them), and your white bandana. It's really too bad that I can't see his shoes, because judging from the other shoes worn by these thugs (douches') they're probably the same New Balances that my dad wears... Real gangster... I also really wish that I could zoom in on this picture because they all have some sort of wrist bands on, now I don't know if that's a tracking device that Juvenile Detention Centers loan out for petty thefts of chap stick at Walmart or what, but they all have them, so I'm rolling with that idea... Nice chain by the way, buy one, get 2 free from Traders World, or was it Turtle Creek? Maybe Piercing Pagoda???

E.) Where's the bandana? Are you the leader (if that's what we would call you)? No shirt, no exuberant colored pants to go along with your flaming homosexual personality... I just don't get it, you have to be the leader of this clown posse (I mean circus parade). Besides that, let's examine what he does have: He does have a backwards hat (notably cool), no shirt (prison partners favorite), old school Adidas that look like they've spent a lot of time "slangin" on the basketball court at the Trailer Park picnic, and the same wrist bracelets. I'm pretty sure he's got a tattoo, but I can't tell because it partly looks like he's trying to cover it up. Probably his girlfriend (domestic violence partner) that left him when she moved out of the trailer park with mom). Seriously, the leader of this group??? That's a point in time where you're a winner, and a loser at the same time... Didn't I see you at Kings Island 14 years ago??? (Wasn't P&G day, I'll tell you that much...)

F.) Pontiac Firebird... Stolen??? That's a nice car for a "thug" (ring leader) to have... I really can't rag too much on him, unless it's the one that his dad got arrested for for his 5th O.V.I. in 2 months, so they repoed the car or something like that, but there's got to be something I'm missing here...

G.) Nothing like some 14" Walmart rims to really set your firebird off... I mean, that's a grand total of maybe, $25??? Must have been that drug money from selling your dad's Viagra thinking it's Oxycontin or something... You may get a way with that in the Trailer Park, but not out in the real world buddy... Chrome is for Caddy's, leave it that way...

H.) Now I know for a fact that these rims ARE at Walmart, the Firebird is just a guess... I haven't been in the department since I got out of the, what seemed to be "racing period" in my life. But I know, beyond the shadow of a doubt that these are Walmart rims. But when you live in the remote trailer parks, you have to go to the only place you know that can trick out your car... I think they actually flow well though, however, I think he's making monthly payments on them because you can't see any of the other rims, so he probably just took the hubs off the back ones until he can afford the next 3 rims, in which he'll put those on, and take another picture...

I.) Now most people that own this car to "trick out" or "pimp out" usually put the Blitz body kit on it, (watch the first Fast and the Furious, the green eclipse at the beginning), but you went conservative, and left it stock... Have to give you credit, instead of an unpainted body kit that doesn't fit right and mismatches the rest of the car, you stayed smart... Kudos to you... Or props as you may call it, I don't know, I'm straight, so I don't know the lingo, but you get the picture...

So what else can I say for these guys? I mean, I know when I was in those car tricking out stages, we had moments of not using our heads and things like that, but some people (said above culprits) took it too many steps over the line, and made it a way of life... I don't know how well the trailer park in Kentucky takes it that they own anything other than Ford's, but that's probably why they "beat in" the Ranger... I wish this was a reality show to see what these guys actually do as "a crew..." I have to admit, as much as I would hate to watch it, I would... I just want to see where they're at now... See who's mad at who for making their car slightly faster than the others. See the battles that have happened between the clown posse... You know you'd watch it too... I'm done hating now... We'll See Ya!

2 people have actually seen these guys in a remote part of Kentucky "sitting sidewayz".... And they realized that they were once gay too after reading this blog...

10 Things You'll Never See Me Do! EVER!

Here's a short list since I haven't written anything in awhile and people are starting to wonder where I went lately of things that I'll never do, and explanations as to why I won't do them...


10.) I will never, ever wear Make Up. I'm not emo, and I'm not gay. There's just some things in life that guys should NEVER, EVER do, and that is definitely wear make up. I'm so against guys wearing make up that I won't even do it for a Halloween costume. I mean, it's allowable for Halloween, pending how funny the costume is, but if it's not very funny, then you're just gay. As for any other time, it's a man law violation for a man to wear make up. (See metrosexual blog).


9.) I will never attend an emo concert. For one of many reasons. First reason being that I hate emo people, children, anything that goes along with the word "emo." First of all, I have never truly met a real "emo" person. Partly because emo is supposed to be reserved for those people that really listen to their own styles of music, and have their own true style. The people that consider themselves "emo" all go together to the mall to shop at the same "emo wanna-be" shop Hot Topic. Here's an idea, don't shop at trendy, trashy stores at the mall if you're trying to be an individual... Just an idea idiot...


8.) I will never see The Notebook. Sorry ladies, and some of you gentlemen that have told me it's actually a pretty good movie. I'm sorry, but it's just not going to happen, so let it go. I've heard stories about it, and it's a chick flick. I don't even care if Carmen Electra asked me to watch it with her, I still would not watch it. There's a thing called principals, although I don't have many, and many of you reading can attest to this, but this is definitely one that I strongly uphold.


7.) I will never say "no pun intended." This is simply because the people that say that, know that the pun was intended, and are just saying that because they think you're an idiot, and wouldn't catch it unless they stated that it wasn't something that it really was... You follow that? Idiot... When I say something that is a play on words, or a pun, I will not say it, because I know you're smart enough to catch it, and if you aren't, then I won't laugh when you don't, because then I'll know 110% that you have no idea what I'm talking about. But yes, it's something you'll never hear me say, trust me...


6.) I will never be a vegetarian. God intended all men and women to eat meat, no matter what. It's part of a balanced diet, and to go against God, well, you know, that's what we call, "not good." Not eating meat is worse for you than eating meat, trust me. There's proteins in meat that your body needs for a healthy balance, and not eating it is really bad for you, so just eat it. Vegans are queers (see metrosexuals blog).


5.) I will never grow my hair out like these shaggy haired degenerate California wanna be skater punks. I hate the fact that these queers shake their heads constantly when you're telling them that they can't skateboard around your car in the parking lot. They keep throwing their heads around trying to keep their highlighted shaggy hair out of their eyes. Maybe you'd land more tricks if you weren't blinded by your crappy Ryan Seacrest dyed hair, just an idea, I'm just saying. You're not cute, you're not funny, and you're definitely not from California. (Those from Cali, I'm sorry, carry on with your business). Cut your hair pansies, and find a damn skate park or I'll kill you and break your skateboard, in no particular order...


4.) I will never cheer for the Steelers, even though I said I would. I was just upset with the Bengals. I bleed black and orange, which I'm starting to think could just be Halloween, because I'm completely dissatisfied with the Bengals, but I'm still hoping that it's really I just like the Bengals. I believe that everyone should cheer for their hometown team, which is why I'm also not a OSU fan, that upon many other reasons. But I'm a Bearcats fan, even though they're not very good either... In other words, Cincinnati sucks at everything, except for maybe Hockey, but still, I love them...


3.) I will never sell the first gun I bought... I will never let go of my first shotgun. I love it far too much to ever let anything happen to it. It will definitely be something I give to my son someday to pass on through generations. I don't care if I get kicked out on the streets and have nothing but that gun, but I will always have that gun... There's just some things in life that must be kept at all costs, and I don't even care if Obama tries to take it away, it will always be in my possession until I bestow the honor upon my only honorable son...


2.) I will never watch Sex in the City. This is a given, more or less than it is something I will just never do. The show is clearly for women, about women, and quite frankly, I don't have the patience or sheer will power to even attempt to watch the introduction to the show. If I even see it in my guide on Dish, I start to get alittle queasy... Speaking of which, just thinking about those old, wrinkled broads makes my stomach upset... NEXT!


1.) I will never go on a diet. I know that I am blessed with all of the metabolism that I have, that I don't have to work out, I can eat whatever I want, and never gain a thing, in fact, I'd probably lose weight. But God has a plan for me, and if it's to get fat and huge like a trucker, well then, so be it! You can't stop the inevitable. Diets just aren't for me. They're for people that care, and anyone that knows me, and I mean really knows me knows I'm careless...


So there you have it, 10 things I'll never do... Now get off my back about updating my blogs...
We'll See Ya!


645,043 people just mentally pictured me as an overweight trucker and thought it was horribly disgusting but would still be my friend...

Things I Do Like Better Than Work... A Positive Blog...

A lot of you have recently noticed my extreme hatred for work. A lot of you may share this, but some of you do really enjoy your daily grind, and for that, I Hate You!!! Therefore, as requested by many, I have taken this time out to make a list of all the possible things I could think of that I like better than work... Let's begin:

Listen to babies cry.
Listen to old people's stories of the depression.
Talk to the greeter at Wal-Mart.
Listen to John Madden.
Watch Lifetime Television.
Do volunteer work.
Listen to customers stories.
Listen to why customers overdraw.
Go to church.
Clean the house.
Read a book.
Talk on the phone.
Listen to girls talk about marriage.
Talk about committment.
Talk about relationships.
Watch Titanic.
Watch A Walk To Remember.
Watch The Notebook.
Drink wine.
Work out.
Quit smoking.
Eat healthy.
Talk to Taco Bell employee's for Investment advice.


As of right now, that's about it... We'll See Ya!



110 people thought this was going to be an optimistic blog but slowly realized it was only my sarcasm after reading it...

Old People + Technology = Dangerous

In today's rapidly changing world of technology, cars, etc... One group stands out and alone as not being able to accept the changing culture, and not being able to upgrade to the levels of thinking on which is required to accept these changes. That group, is old people... If you're one of those lovey dovey, I accept all people for their flaws types, then I STRONGLY advise you to quit reading now, and wait for another sunshine and rainbow like blog, which isn't going to be anything that I have readily available anytime soon (probably ever)! Old people, on numerous, in fact countless occasions have proven to typical mankind that they are not capable of doing anything on their own. They are quite possibly the worst drivers, their inability to use a common day computer just boggles my mind, and the fact that they choose to use the self checkout self scan at Kroger is just senseless...

Lets start where it hits me the most: Driving. Old people drivers are quite possibly the worst thing to encounter when out on the road, because they literally, after the 300 years they have been on this Earth, have forgotten what speed limits, center lines, and fast lanes are. Guess what? The rest of the civilized life forms on this Earth haven't forgotten these things! So here's an idea, old people are pretty much useless, they're wasting our Social Security, they're killing all kinds of drivers when they fall asleep at the wheel, or just plain drive their boat of a Cadillac onto on-coming traffic because their Tri-focals don't work as well as when they were just glasses. My solution: At the age of 60, all people, of all races at the age of 60 must retake the eye exam, and driving test at no cost to them. If they pass, then they must retake this test every 5 years, and they will not lose their license. In the event that they do not pass, then they are to lose their license until they pass on to whatever inevitable hell they will cause me later in life. It may sound harsh, but when I got places to go, they're always in the way, and not following the rules of the road.

Computers: Watching old people use a computer is like watching retards make love. Just not happening. I see this all the time at the bank, and online banking and old people go together like a swing set in the fast lane of the highway... (That's not good in case you didn't know that... I don't know your parents, so...) I mean, they had typewriters that have the same keying, and same things, instead, all that you have to do is look at a television like screen instead of fingers, I mean, yea, that's not as fun to look at a screen when you could look at your rheumatoid arthritis like fingers, trust me, I know... Realistically, if you can't start a computer, and hit start to access programs, then let's be real, you probably shouldn't be on this Earth...

Cell Phones: Jitterbug? That's the best name you could come up with for this old person-esque cell phone? George Michael's should be PISSED! They're basically calling him old by putting his song title with this piece of crap (not that I feel bad for that child molester, but either way)... This phone doesn't even have an on-board phonebook, you have to call some service that keeps track of all of your stuff for you over the phone. I bet those operators love their jobs. They even say in the commercial that their US Based phone service operators, so your grandparents don't have to deal with Arabs trying to tell them how to work their phones... My main question is, why do old people need cell phones? They don't go out to the bars at night, most of the time, all of their friends are dead or don't move other than to drool. Lets be realistic, your children do not want you to have a cell phone just to call and bother them either, that's why they put you in a home far, far away from them... THEY DON'T WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!!!

Here's my solution... If your parents ever told you that they took your old dog to the farm where he/she will have a much easier life, then you later found out they put him down... Well, TA DA!!! Easy, simple, painless procedure, and I will do it for you for free! In reality, this is just for the greater good of everyone! Just think about it...

We'll See Ya!

8,540,320 people feel bad that they put their parents in a home, but still completely understand where I am coming from and support me...

Never Regret, Never Forget...

In a country where a war is going on in a country thousands of miles away, it is, and has seemed very easy to forget about what is going on. We live in a country of freedom. Freedom to speak our minds, freedom to do what we please, and freedom to act out against things we feel are unjust. These freedoms, without a doubt, come at a price. The price is the lives of these fellow men and women pictured above. It seems that almost everyone in our great country has forgotten that this war is still very much going on, even though they don't report on it as much as they used to. This is only because the liberal media finally came to a conclusion that it was a good thing we took on this war, and now they can't find any reasons that we shouldn't be there. (Congrats Bush, I voted for your second term!!!)

Well, let me get to a small story. As tomorrow is Veterans day, I know I for one will be going to donate some money to the veterans. Not because I feel sorry for their sacrifice, or that there are still men and women suffering in the face of war and past wars, but because I want to extend my thank you to them. But anyways, on to the story. If you've ever donated money to the veterans that collect money outside of a Kroger or Meijer, you will know that they give you a mimic poppy flower. I had 2 of them in my old Honda Civic above my visors, and I once was on a date with a girl, that laughed that I had to fake, red flowers above my visors. I asked her why it was so funny that I had them? She replied that a guy that had 2 red flowers in his car was just weird. I asked why it was weird? She just said it was funny to see, because most people have lay's or something like that... I then asked her a very important question... I asked her if she knew what flower that was, or what it represented? She had no idea, which made me again realize how inconsiderate a country founded on freedoms was to forget those that gave the ultimate sacrifice for those freedoms that we are able to have and celebrate. She still had no idea, so when I started to tell her what it stood for, that smile and laugh quickly fell into deep thought. As I slowly went from slightly upset to glad I can educate those that are ignorant. Time for a little history lesson:

In 1921, a group of French widows visited Earl Haig, commander in chief, at the British Legion Headquarters. They had brought with them some poppies that they had made, and suggested selling them as a means of raising money for veterans survived and lost during World War I. The poppy then became the sign for Veterans and were sold as a means for the veterans to raise money to assist veterans that are disabled, etc... In 1918, Moina Michael, an American woman wrote these lines:

We cherish too,

the Poppy red,

That grows on fields where valor led,

It seems to signal to the skies,

That blood of heroes never dies...

She then adopted the custom of wearing a red poppy in memory of the sacrifices of war and also as a symbol of keeping the faith. Therefore, I ask you not to forget that these men and women are fighting for the freedoms that we have here in the United States of America. Whether you have family, friends, or people that you don't know there, please say a prayer for their safety, and their hopeful return. Also, don't forget to give something to the veterans, and receive your poppy flower. It may not mean much to you, but to the veterans, it means the world. Look at it this way:

"A veteran is someone who, at one point in his/her life wrote a blank check made payable to 'The United States of America ' for an amount of 'up to and including my life.' That is Honor, and there are way too many people in this country who no longer understand that sacrifice...''

Before you forget about this war, take a look at the facts:

1.) Troops in Iraq - Total 152,850, including 146,000 from the US, 4,000 from the UK, 900 from Poland, 650 from South Korea and 1,300 from all other nations.

2.) U.S. Troop Casualties - 4,188 US troops; 98% male. 91% non-officers; 82% active duty, 11% National Guard; 74% Caucasian, 9% African-American, 11% Latino. 19% killed by non-hostile causes. 54% of US casualties were under 25 years old. 72% were from the US Army.

3.) US Troops Wounded - 30,757, 20% of which are serious brain or spinal injuries (total excludes psychological injuries).

4.) US Troops with Serious Mental Health Problems - 30% of US troops develop serious mental health problems within 3 to 4 months of returning home.

I ask again, please don't forget these brave men and women that are heroes of the United States of America. They deserve more respect than we could ever possibly give them. We do not need another Vietnam War return for the troops of today. Whether you believe in the war or the President or not, you should still honor these brave men and women, because of the oath they underwent to fight off all enemies, foreign and domestic, and to obey all orders given by the President of the United States of America, and that is the sacrifice that they gave for us to be able to live in the freedom's here. So remember that, and the next time you see a Veteran, say thank you, shake their hand, or give to their cause, because they deserve it, and you owe it to them. So I've said it before, and I'll say it again, Thank you brave soldiers, and God bless those alive and dead, well and wounded, and fight on! We are the United States of America, and thanks to you, we remain United!

We'll See Ya

It May Not Be On VH1, But It's Just As Good If Not Better! Let The Game Begin!

In the onslaught of reality contest television shows, here's one with someone you know (any maybe love)! Any one that reads my blogs, or has heard about it and will soon check it out, is allowed to enter the contest. And by enter the contest, you're allowed to find me a date with a friend, person you know, etc... I will further explain the rules to this, because I know there's many questions. Therefore, let's cover the basic points.

1.) Must be a girl... I don't know, sometimes I have to question my friends intentions...

2.) My friends know my personality, and that's what I'm looking for, but cuteness and other things are very important.

3.) Pictures are a MUST.

4.) I will not say no to the date, because I want to explore all options, but come on, be generous!

5.) This won't run like most game shows, and you can, or I can make them aware that this is just a dating thing, so be comfortable, be yourself, and we'll go out and have a good time!

6.) Let me know a bit of information about them, so I can know what I'm in for!

Other than that, I'm just out to meet new people, and get out of fishing in the same pond all of the time. Like I said, find your friends, co-workers, preferably not family members, and let's get this game show on!

How To: Have A Successful Vacation And Not Even Leave Your Castle!

This is a Do It Yourself for those of you that take vacations off from work. I'm prepared to show you, after my PAID VACATION from work, how to make the most (or least, however you want to look at it) of your paid time off. In this instructional guide, you will learn how to be very proactive at being completely inactive. This will be like a scientific guide using the Scientific Method (See, you thought you wouldn't learn anything from these blogs):

Ask A Question: How can you take a successful vacation and not do much of anything and still have a good time?

Do Background Research: I decided to take on this great experiment for many of reasons.

a.) I hate my job.

b.) If I didn't take time off soon, it would not have been healthy for anyone in, or around my area.

c.) I just needed a break.

Therefore, I took the week of November 3rd - November 7th. I did this for the greater good of science and for the rest of the human race.

Construct A Hypothesis: I feel that there are 4 things needed to have a HIGHLY successful vacation without the hassles of having to do work around the house, or having to pay money to go somewhere. These 4 things are pictured above, but for the sake of Science, I will list them in the order of importance:

a.) Couch

b.) Beer

c.) Myself (Yourself)

d.) Pillow

Test Your Hypothesis:

Monday, November 3rd 2008

Time: 9:30am

Location: Couch

Variables: Roommate, Television, Beer, Food, Smoke Breaks.

Woke up from sleep approximately 9:00 am. Took a shower, got dressed in sweatpants and t-shirt. Came out, made eggs, and continued to eat breakfast, at approximately 9:30am, I began to drink a Miller Lite beer and continued throughout the day. This continued while I lounged on the couch. Occasionally I took smoke breaks when I felt the need. Also, I had to make trips to the Sunoco to purchase more beers and cigarettes.

Throughout the week, I followed the same routine until the weekend, unto which I had a party with some people that came over, made new friends, and drank until the wee hours of the morning.

Analyze Data: I realized that after the week's time was over, I had felt like I did nothing constructive at all, but after returning to work this morning, November 10th, 2008, I have a much better attitude and a more willingness to work, however, that is quickly fading. I did realize after analyzing the data that it just felt like I did nothing during the entire week, but after reflecting (I mean, analyzing the data) I did have an awesome week of carelessness, which was much deserved.

Report Results: My results are as follows:

a.) You can have an awesome week off of work if you sit around, watch tv, don't run out of beer, and manage to realize that you're getting paid to sleep, drink, and be as lazy as possible.

b.) Times are not as good if you run out of beer but are too drunk to go get more, you become very volatile, therefore keep a running tab as to how many are left.

c.) Make sure to keep your own pace, there's no need to jump in too soon, too fast, then you just get headaches.

d.) Have a good time, you're on vacation and should have no motivation to do real, actual work!

I hope this scientific method is a good example to all about to take their end of the year vacation.

We'll See Ya

ABC's Of My Work Day...

A is for Acetaminophen which is what I need after being here for more than 8 hours a day...
B is for Bitching which is what I have to listen to all day from customers...
C is for Crap which is what my life is turning into because of this job situation...
D is for Delirious which is due to my nightmares of me still being at work while sleeping...
E is for Effortless which is what I am at work... No really, ask my boss, the numbers show it!
F is for Flat-line which is what my heartbeat does when an overdrawn customer comes in to talk...
G is for Gripe which is pretty much all I do while I'm at work...
H is for Hope which is what I do to pray the day is almost over...
I is for Intelligence which is what my customers have a serious lack of...
J is for Joy which is what I feel when I get off of work...
K is for Knock-Out which is want I want to do to customers that B is for Bitch at me...
L is for Lunch, my favorite part of my day... Next to going home...
M is for Maggot which is my level of classification here at work...
N is for Noose which is what I wish we had here at work, because then I wouldn't be here at work...
O is for Offend which is what I do to my fellow employee's when I make fun of them...
P is for Procrastinate which is what I do with all my training that I'm supposed to do...
Q is for Queasy which is what I am in the morning knowing I have to go to work...
R is for Redundant which is what every day is for me...
S is for Sanity which is what I have none of from working here for 2 years...
T is for Temper which mine is short from working here... Ask my friends...
U is for Unconscious which is what I am at work, at least that's what I've heard, I wouldn't know...
V is for Visitation which is what my friends are going to have to come to if I have to work here another year...
W is for Whatever which is what I'd rather be doing than be here at work any day...
X is for Xi which is for the 14th letter of the Greek Alphabet, see you learned something from my blogs...
Y is for Yawn which is what I do here a lot because I'm so bored with this job...
Z is for Zero which is the potential I have to move up at my current place of employment...

There you have it folks, the ABC's of my work day...

I HATE CINCINNATI!!!! HERE'S WHY:

I was reading the Enquirer today, or should I say "Biased Cincinnati Newspaper." All of the headlines just make our city sound so great! Let me give you a few examples of the one's that I saw that piss me off:

-Griffey a Red again?

-Watson Forgotten But Not Gone...

-Black Cats Need Homes...

-Quit Stealing My Signs!

-Safety Jackson Out For Season...

Let's take a look at the good and bad out of these stories:

Griffey a Red again? Please God NO! He talked about how happy he was to leave and get to play for a competitive team! Good, congratulations, but did you forget that they actually have to pick you up and want you to play for them? Minor details apparently to you... You're old, you're dried up, no one wants you... But please God, do not pick up Griffey again! He is completely worthless, and basically the worst thing to happen to Cincinnati, and the Reds... I would almost, ALMOST (clarification for everyone) rather have Obama in the office than Griffey back in Cincinnati... PLEASE NO!

Watson Forgotten But Not Gone... That's only because we can't get rid of him, our whole roster is pretty much screwed! Everyone's hurt! They keep showing Watson running the ball into the pack and getting pushed back for yards... He's horrible, worthless, pretty comparable to Griffey actually now that I think of it... He's been worthless ever since he got here... I say, let's forget about him, and get rid of him... But then we'll just draft another punter, so regardless, let's get a lesser player, for lesser pay...

Black Cats Need Homes... Really? I'm sure there's plenty of other cats that need homes too, why should we segregate only black cats? What about white cats? White cats have problems finding housing too, this isn't a racial problem. I heard Sarah McLaughlin trying to pawn off these poor dogs and cats on me for a free t-shirt the other day, so what about dogs too? Dogs and Cats need homes regardless of their race, gender... So the title should be Cats AND DOGS need homes! Good story enquirer, F FOR EFFORT!!!

Quit Stealing My Signs! Apparently Peter Frampton has a big problem in his Indian Hills neighborhood. Apparently these teens keep stealing his McCain/Palin yard signs! Really? How big of a problem is this? In Sharonville, I have to worry about not getting shanked by a homeless mexican walking the streets early in the mornings, but Peter Frampton, Mr. Bow Wow WooooooooooooooooW guitar man has SERIOUS problems! THEIR FREE SIGNS! You want people to know you're voting for him, then after you do vote, leave the election office screaming I VOTED MCCAIN/PALIN!!! Seriously, can't the news just talk about how our homicide rate currently is much higher than last years? THANKS AVONDALE!!! Seriously, if that's our biggest problem in Cincinnati!!!

Safety Jackson Out For Season... Really? I thought he was out already... The way he plays, I God honestly thought he was out already! This isn't news, Dexter is never IN so what's the difference! I'm surprised that Dexter Jackson wasn't over with Johnathan Joseph playing Patty Cake Powderpuff, because usually he's the last one to the tackle, and yes, still the first to celebrate... I'm surprised he hasn't been called for a late hit yet, the play's usually over when he's making his "tackle" attempt... Pansy...

So that's our news... Most cities have good things going on around them, like new city buildings, or updates to their beautiful parks or something like that... We have murders, black cats in need of housing, and Bengals players on and off parole or out on injury... Yay for Cincinnati!!! Get me out of this place... We'll See Ya

8,452 people realized how much they hate Cincinnati too, but will never leave here...

The Fallacies In Bengaldom... A History Of Losing...

There is no better team in the NFL than the Bengals... At losing... They're so good at losing in fact, that I think 0 - 16 is not only possible, but maybe a statement of fact! This picture of Marvin is from his first year joining the Bengals as head coach. Notice a difference in this picture compared to maybe one from his "apology to the fans" speeches? This could also be a picture from this year, just botoxed up so he doesn't show that face he always has on the sidelines... It's amazing that a guy that is 0 - 16 (yes, I know know it's only 0 - 8 right now, but again, this is so I don't have to write another one in December) and has only had one winning season in God knows how many years still has a job! If I did my job as crappy as these coaches and players did, I wouldn't even get a second chance to even explain myself, I'd be gone, and back in the unemployment line. When you get this bad at losing, your hopes for even a high school coaching job or peewee league are shot. However, before I take anymore cheap shots at Marvin, let me further explain.

I cannot put all of the blame on this poor guy that took a salary blow to head coach a prison league professional (although highly unprofessional) football team. It took a lot of guts to step up to a plate that is too big for even a guy like Bill Cowher to step up to... But really, I want to blame on Mr. Brown. Mike Brown is without a doubt, the worse owner of any sports team, and I'm pretty sure he's never owned a successful career in anything other than hiding from the public. Since Marvin has been here, I haven't seen the guy once in a press release, or anything. Of course, if I was this bad of an owner, you're right, I wouldn't show my face either, but come on. Quit making Marvin apologize, I want to hear it from you asshole! At this point in my Bengals career, I wouldn't even accept free Box tickets or front row 50 yard line seats! I'm so fed up with the lack of drive, lack of emotion, and lack of skill that these "players" have on and off the field... Mr. Brown needs to come out and explain this "method of madness" he has for the Bengals... I mean, did he talk to them and tell them to do the worst they could possibly do? That would explain a lot for me, and I'd probably be less frustrated!

First Fallacy: Bengals offseason - The offseason was filled with trials and tribulations all over the place. Whether it was Marvin saying that in no way, shape or form is Chris Henry coming back to Chad Johnson saying he's not going to play wah wah wah! The fact that Mike Brown went around Marvin Lewis' decision to not bring Henry back is a total lack of respect for your coach, and that will make the players question their coach, and not want to play all out for him. As for Chris Henry, just go, you deserve to be in Prison, but I guess you're a cat with 100 lives, because you've already used up more than 9... Chad Johnson, who should be a leader to rally up the troops to make them want to play, is bi-polar on and off the field. One minute he laughs when Houston says their going to cover him man to man, and how many receptions for how many yards did he have? Who's laughing now Chad? 30 what to 6? Exactly! Chad should not be allowed to say anything until he breaks over 150 yards in a game, otherwise they should fine him.

Second Fallacy: Bengals Offense - So lets see, instead of wanting to keep our veterans on the line, and have a strong chance of leadership on the line, we'd rather get rid of them, shift people over to positions they've never played, and then, expect them to perform! Good Plan! Somehow, TJ has made himself the second best receiver in the league, so that either means that every other receiver in the NFL is that bad, or I just don't watch TJ as closely as I should. Like I said before, Chris Henry is as worthless as can be, dropping every pass that comes his way! Carson, can't hate him, actually, I only feel bad for him that he can't display his talent for a good team! Chad, just read above. Chad went from being my favorite receiver to being a no ball pussy loser faster than the beginning of Flight of Fear at Kings Island! No cuts inside, no amazing catches that take the team up the field, and just no heart left in him! Hell, I think there's some players at Lakota East and West that we could draft that would be better! Props to Carson and Housh for sticking it out out on the field. Chris Perry, keep him benched, he's worthless too! He fumbles almost every ball he touches with his 1.7 yard run. Cedric Benson, I have to give you props, for just getting here, and getting more yards than Perry EVERY CARRY and holding on to the ball, you get my game ball every time! Offensive Line, lets just work on not collapsing when we call hike. Give Fitzpatrick a chance for some pocket time! And Fitzpatrick, well, not much to say here, he didn't really know he'd be shoved into this position so early, but guess what bro, time to play! Suck it up, hold on to the ball and take the hit, or scramble and make plays! I do have to say that more and more, he is doing much better, for a second string quarterback...

Third Fallacy: Bengals Defense - Tough to call, they got rid of the heart of the line, only to move people around that have to learn all new moves! The Bengals defense is great, the only problem is they play more than 3/4's of the game because our offense blows that much! The Defense looks crappy because our offense is wearing them down... I have to give props to the Defense for doing what they can, we know it's tough for you, and I still respect you...

Little did I know after hearing Marvin's comments yesterday, I'm starting to think he's right, but a little confused... Let's take a look:

"We don't have many options," he said. "We have to find a way to get these players better."

-Yea, it's called offseason, pre-season, etc... How much time do you need? Every other team doesn't seem to have a problem "getting their players better..."

"We all have to find a way collectively to flip our psyche."

-Flip our psyche? What the crap does that mean? I think I have the answer for that... GROW A PAIR AND STAND UP TO YOUR OWNER! Let him know that on that field and during the draft, YOU RUN THE SHOW! At least if he says, ok, you're fired! The Bengals fans will at least see that you care and will respect you! He can't fire you! We're mid-season, an 0 - 8 season at that! Stand up to him, and make sure he knows who's the boss on the field!

"We have a couple of areas that we need some work in..."

-If by a couple areas you mean Offense, Defense, and Special Teams, then yes, we do have a couple of areas to work on... However, in each of those folders, there are 1000's of sub-folders, and those all need work, so therefore your "some work" becomes "a lot" of work... Some work is a phrase that maybe a team like, the Titans, could use, you know, after their game with Indy... Yes, their offense could use "some work" but not as much as the Bengals need... Actually, come to think of it, then Bengals don't need work, they need a restructuring, or a restart, that's how terrible we are...

Conclusion: Give up on them, don't attend the games, let Mike Brown suffer financially, and then let him take this team elsewhere... I heard somewhere that they would possibly sell PBS to a soccer team that would play internationally! Soccer games are awesome in professional sports, and I'm pretty sure that'd be pretty cool! I'm tired of the Bengals anyways, always drafting "project players..." They don't even need to draft project players, our stadium is surrounded by projects, just give them 500 bucks a game, and someone to pass their drug tests and we're set... Those guys can catch a 250 pound television thrown by their buddy from a third story window... Trust me, a football would be no problem... Bengals, just go away, don't make this more difficult than it has to be... We'll See Ya

851,265 people just realized that the projects joke was a play on words...

My Weekend (Using Paint Program, You're Welcome Visual Learners)...

I recently was introduced to a new comedian that I had never heard of before. His name is Demetri Martin. He is a very bland, but very hilarious younger guy. He uses drawings, that I'm thinking he probably does draw himself on a large pad of paper, titled "Large Pad." I found myself unable to control my laughing, because yes, the pictures are funny, but how he explains them is even funnier. Therefore, I've decided to try a new approach, and I'm going to do something similar, however, mine are hand drawn "technologically advanced" pictures... Ok, let's embark on the journey that is "My Weekend, By Paint, By Me..."

1.) After 24 years of dedicated fanness (I know it's not a word, but guess what, bite me), I have officially given up on the Cincinnati Bengals for the remainder of the 2008 season. I know many of you out there are going to consider this "fairweather fanness" but it's not... I don't respect the organization because they're not about football, they're only about money. When you look at organizations like the Steelers or Colts, there's teams that care about football, and love the game, and love and respect the fans. Therefore, my 2 new teams to watch are the above mentioned. As for my feelings of the Bengals, when Mike Brown is no longer the owner, then I will consider putting more time and effort into them again. Therefore, that's me dumping my Bengals stuff down the toilet, because that's where this season and well, a good portion of the last 24 years is going/has gone... (That's not me crying either, I just had something in my eye, well both eyes)...

2.) Ahhhhh, the first annual Halloween Bash at our house this past Saturday! Oh man, was that a good time or what?!? We had quite a few people at the house, and there was definitely a lot of drinking, a lot of laughs, and a lot of good friends! The party started with a Jack and Coke, and ended on about that same note!!! I am, proud to say, that I am the defending reigning Champion of Beer Pong after more than I should have played games that night! If you feel that you are "worthy" enough to take me on, then we are there almost every saturday night playing, so ring in, and let's see what you got, but yes, that will definitely be the new annual HallowPong Fest!
3.) Friday morning... The day of devestation as I came to see it... When I first arrive to work at roughly 8:45am, I get word that PNC has bought National City. This makes my job very unnerving be it that there's a PNC Bank in our parking lot practically. Therefore, the predicament lies in should I apply at PNC and secure a job there now, or should I wait it out and see if I still have a job within the next year or so? But yes, it was a very busy day of thinking what I should do...

So that's my weekend at a glance. I'm not sure how I feel about the Paint Program lifestyle, so leave me your feedback and tell me what you think!

8,405 people have started working on their paint program skills to make their blog like mine after reading this...

And you thought bank tellers and managers were so nice...

So today at work my branch manager, for reasons of animosity we'll call him Carson Palomalou, comes out of his office for the brief 2 minutes that he usually does, and makes a comment to our office manager, again for reasons of animosity, we'll call him Odell Holt, and makes the statement that we are no longer handling customers with overdraft fee refunds. I found this quite hilarious because we are not usually a branch to even consider returning it unless of course it was a bank error, but apparently during the course of this month, we have returned more than normal, which I'm guessing, is anything over 1, because that's how much of a cheapskate (TMNT) he is. Therefore, I found it hilarious and kind of chuckled when he said it. Then all of a sudden, a heated debate on the best way to deal with customers that want fee's returned erupted like a Hawiian volcano. I can't make these up folks, but this is literally exorts from idea's that the people that I work with were throwing out on how to deal with these customers, and after they did throw these out there, I further thought about them in my head and will further explain them later on:

-A button located at all teller and manager desks that can open the floor to a great white shark tank.

-A machine gun turret located above the doors at the exit that is available to all tellers and managers via buttons at desk locations.

-A rocket propelled grenade launcher also located at the doors that is also available to all tellers and management via buttons at desk locations.

-The ability of those lawfully carrying CCW licenses to carry weapons into branch and at the point at which a customer mentions the refunding of fee's, we shoot to kill.

-Locking exit door mechanism via buttons at all desks that locks the customer in between the doors of the exit to which we can seal the exit, and pour in any amount of gases or liquids depending on how distraught we are.

However, these means may also be used in the case of robberies as well... Now, lets take an in depth look at these, and I'm going to rate them from 1 - 5, 1 being my favorite, and 5 being my least favorite...

5.) Rocket Propelled Grenade launcher turret. That's just not a good idea, ever seen what a rocket can do in a small, contained area? That's just not good, you'll burn down the building and everything inside of it, and not to mention the fact that there will be shratnal and all that crap and glass, basically, NOT A GOOD IDEA, but I still laughed...

4.) Machine Gun turret. What happens in an electric power out? What if those things go haywire? Are they going to accidentally unload on me? I'm not sure how I feel about getting shot up when I did nothing wrong... Again, not a good idea... Still chuckled though...

3.) Locking door mechanisms in the doors that lock them in and have the ability to gas or liquid them to death. Again, seems cool, has cool intentions, but seriously, what about when I have to leave? Is there still gas just seeping around in there? It only takes a little bit of that stuff to kill you... So you have to have one hell of ventilation system, otherwise, it's all over for you...

2.) Shark Tank in the floor... Really? Who's going to feed it? Although, I mean, depending on size and everything, with the amount of people bitching about fee refunds, it would balance to where we have leftovers, but either way, still... That's a lot of maintenence and extra work, so on and so forth, and if it's anything like that shark from Deep Blue Sea, it could eventually break through the floor, and I don't think I could take that kind of pressure, but would be fun to see once or twice just for kicks...

1.) Allowing those licensed for CCW's to carry at work. It works, it's like pilots getting guns on the planes. We can have them for any case. No misfires, clean and clear situations, and not an overuse of power. It's basically just an awesome option, and it also gives us good target practice with real life tactical situations. Therefore, that gets my number 1 vote!!! I don't really know the reason for this blog, but I wanted to write something and give you insight into what these people I work with actually think about during the course of the day... We'll See Ya

54,320 people now understand why I'm crazy, and are officially ok with it now after reading this... Hope it made you chuckle inside at most...

I'M DRUNK, WHAT'S TO EAT!?!?!?

This is a dedication to those that go out, get drunk, and spend the rest of the wee hours of the morning trying to figure out where the heck to go to eat... I understand your pain, so let's examine the different restaurants that are open at these hours of the morning...

If you drink heavily and get the munchies around 1:15am, here's your choices:
-Wendy's
-Burger King
-McDonald's
-White Castle
-Taco Bell

However, if you aren't drunk that early, then you hit the 2 am mark, here's your choices:
-McDonald's (granted you have 24 hour service)
-White Castle
-Taco Bell

Now, lets take a look at the satisfaction level of each of these:

Pro:
Wendy's - Fast service, fresh burgers, great nuggets, great prices.
McDonald's - Fast service, delicious drunk burgers, great drunk nuggets, decent prices.
Taco Bell - Fast service, lots of choices, great prices, filling food.
Burger King - Fast service, great drunk fries, good burgers.
White Castle - Great prices, lots of combinations, open 24 hours, always satisfying, good options.

Con:
Wendy's - Tough to find one that doesn't close a little before 2, hard to find in some places.
McDonald's - tough to find 24 hour drive thru, run out of stuff, can get caught between breakfast and dinner switch if you're too late.
Taco Bell - Tough to catch late, sometimes a little spicier than normal, the next day gives you upset stomach.
Burger King - always closes before they're supposed to, won't make food close to closing.
White Castle - tastes so good you can't stop, and therefore leads you to a lot of runny toilet time which makes the next day or day after that much more terrible.

After reviewing the play, the winner is a draw between Taco Bell and White Castle both scoring an 86% in all categories. This is because sometimes you just don't want a burger, and sometimes you just don't want a taco, so it's much better to switch! We'll See ya


687,543 college kids just woke up from a drunken slumber in a pile of empty white castle burger boxes and now have to drop a heinous deuce...

METROSEXUAL'S ATTACK!!!!! You're just gay and in denial, and that's NOT the river in Egypt...

Today, I was confronted by the heathens that I work with about a paper that one has to write. It's for a class called Men and Masculinity. Where was that class when I was stuck in Women's Studies with all these other heathens talking about how I'm so lucky I can't get raped, and pregnant, and blah blah blah... I would have loved to hear about all the great stuff men do, and actually probably would have payed attention better in that class. But instead, like I said, I was the scum of the earth in the back of the classroom, but oh well, that's done and over. Back to the point here, she has to write a paper, and her topic that she chose is "questioning the masculinity of metrosexuals." Good call, but where do you research something that plainly doesn't exist? Metrosexuals are gays in denial. They just haven't found the right guy yet, or they're not fully out of the closet, etc... First, let's examine what "metrosexuality" is.


Main Entry: metrosexual
Part of Speech: n, adj
Definition: a heterosexual male who has a strong aesthetic sense and inordinate interest in appearance and style, similar to that of homosexual males
Etymology: 1994; blend of metropolitan + heterosexual
Usage: informal


Now that we have accomplished, let's examine further... Look at the definition, it says "heterosexual male" with a "sense in appearance and style..." That right there is a fluke in itself... There's no such thing as a male with style, because a male that does have "style" has that because HIS GIRLFRIEND bought him that stuff! But the end however, where it says "similar to that of homosexual males." Exactly, right there at this point, it shows you the obvious point that metrosexuals and homosexuals are in direct relation of one another. Homosexuals, no doubt, have "a sense of fashion." We've all seen it before, and if you haven't, you might want to get checked out for a serious case of "OH NO, I'M GAY MYSELF!" Therefore, the point I'm trying to push here is that metrosexuals are really just homosexuals in true denial of their feelings...


Ask any real man, any man that doesn't have a sense of style if there's a difference between metrosexuals and homosexuals, and there is, without a doubt, no difference, it's just a euphamism if you must. (euphamism - a word that is more pleasantly put than that of using a more inappropriate word. Example: "I have to take a crap" instead you would say "I have to use the restroom"). Just the use of the word metrosexual just upsets me, because it's just not a true statement. There's no such thing. There's nothing masculine about a guy that has a sense of fashion that slightly resembles a homosexual, because that's like saying a homosexual is still a man... NO HE'S NOT!!! He might be the man in the relationship, but one of the two is the bitch, but he is not considered "still a man," because that's just man law.

Point of today's lesson is that Metrosexuals are just homosexuals in denial. They can be in denial for many reasons, and reasons that of which, I honestly don't care, at all... But regardless, metrosexuals are not masculine, and are not straight. Point in turn, they're gay...

65,504 people just realized that they're gay after reading this and checking their current fashion sense after reading this...

I'VE HIT 50 HITS!!! ARE YOU GUYS THAT BORED?!?!

I'd just like to take this time out to say thank you for checking out the blog and reading around... I hope that the 58 of you that have read these have at least enjoyed 1 or 2 of them, if not all, but I have read back through them, and there's some that I don't even like, so if you say you love them all, then you're lying to me... Over the past month of so of writing these blogs, I have had some interesting thoughts and idea's for other blogs, but I'm always willling to try new ideas, so if you have anything that you would like me to blog about, just throw them out there or email me at ryan.hoopes@nationalcity.com !!! Other than that, I'd just like to say thanks again for checking out the site, and hopefully you'll always enjoy a good laugh during the day!!! Stay tuned for more! We'll See Ya

58 people now feel greatly appreciated and have a higher self-worth now because I personally thanked them for reading these blogs...

Breaking News Alert: Cincinnati Mayor Mark Mallory Commits Political Suicide...

And in other breaking news: Cincinnati Mayor, Mark Mallory committed political suicide this morning when he asked the great people of the Queen City of Cincinnati to support, yes SUPPORT the Cincinnati Bengals as they go ass to head with the Pittsburgh Steelers this coming Sunday afternoon. He is quoted as saying that "we need to support the Bengals as they go head to head with our biggest rival..." He also stated that there is "no room for negotiations..." Mark Mallory made it clear that he will be down tailgating for the game this Sunday, but slowly realized, he will be the only Bengals supporter that will be attending. According to Stubhub reporting, currently there are over 4,100 tickets available online for purchase for this weekends game, and ticket prices have dramatically dropped to an all-time low as the 0 - 6 (soon to be 0 - 16) Bengals take on the Steelers that are currently 4 - 1 after a bye week. It is reported that injury wise, the Steelers will have their front of injured players back on the field just in time to kick the Bengals monkey asses up, and down the field...

Fans are wondering how and why Mark Mallory decided to step behind the support of Mike Brown and the Bengals, wondering if he is truly trying not to get re-elected to the Mayor's office. Mallory says "but now is the time when the community's support matters the most..." He also wanted Bengals fans to know that "it is very important that we continue to support the Bengals, even when they are having tough times," he said. This is a very true statement, because if the Cincinnatians don't pay to go watch the games, then Mike Brown loses money, and Mallory has to hear an ear full. (Mallory, "tough times" are going 2 years with an 8 - 8 record, these aren't tough times, this is the Great Depression times World War IV...)

A reporter pointed out to Mallory that there will probably be more Steelers fans than Bengals fans at PBS, Mallory fired back by saying "You know what? What did you just say?" said Mallory. "You said there will probably be more Pittsburgh Steelers fans at the game than Bengals fans. What does that say? It says that Pittsburgh fans continue to support their team. We've got to support our team. We absolutely have to support our team. There is just no doubt in my mind about that. No room for negotiation as far as I'm concerned."

An unknown source is quoted as talking to Mallory after the press conference and said that when he returned to his office, he had a memo on his desk that was not there before the press conference, and he would like to change what he had previously stated to the media... His revised statement is as follows:

"You know what? What did you just say?" said Mallory. "You said there will probably be more Pittsburgh Steelers fans at the game than Bengals fans. What does that say? It says that Pittsburgh fans continue to support their team. Because the Steelers players and coaches and owners actually give a damn about winning, and the fans, and the city itself... That is, unlike Mike Brown and the Bungles, I'm sorry Bengals... We just want to rip off the Cincinnatians as much as possible, and see how much money we can actually get from you morons... Oh uh, I mean, great people of the Queen City..."

Apparently Mark Mallory has been the mayor of a different city... He has such great ideas: The Underground Museum (of wasted money), The Streetcars (through the projects where we'll inevitably get robbed easier), The Banks Projects (wasted funds that will never be as good as Newport), Paul Brown Stadium (that has seen better performances with high school football teams from the state), etc... Get this clown out of office before we lose all of our money... I'm starting to really think that having a Cincinnati Pro-Soccer team would be awesome, you know since the Bengals don't obviously want to play there, let's let someone or something that does play instead... We'll See Ya

-24,208 people just decided not to vote for Mallory in the next election...

LOOK, THE BENGALS ARE COMING TO TOWN!!!

COMING! COMING! SUNDAY'S! SUNDAYS!

-Live at Paul Brown Stadium and other select cities!!

-Special Appearances by Marvin Lewis, Mike Brown, and the Cincinnati Bengals!!!

-Times are usually 1:15 pm or 4:15 pm depending on select city!!!!

I think if the Bengals used this marketing and poster, created by your's truly, then they would definitely sell more. People would much rather see this circus than the one we're seeing every weekend at PBS... It's gotten to be so bad now that I actually cheer when we screw up and boo when we complete plays! I may be the only one, but I really doubt it, that I want the Bengals to go 0 - 16, because then we get several perks. Let's make a short list of those shall we:

-Marvin Lewis will indefinitely be terminated after this great season of Bengals football.

-Mike Brown is seeing a very great drop in demand and price of tickets, maybe he'll get a clue.

-Mike Brown may realize we hate him and PBS will become a soccer stadium.

-The Bengal Players that are of worth and value will go to teams where they can show their potential skills.

-And many, many more!

More importantly, let me show you some of the things that have been brought to my attention thanks to our lovely coach, players, and news media. This is more or less a "quote section" of my favorite things I've heard from Marvin Lewis, and some Bengals Players this season:

Ben Utecht talking about the Bengals and Colts differences... "Colts head coach Tony Dungy has full control. General manager Bill Polian gets Dungy the players and Dungy coaches them. Owner Jim Irsay writes the checks. An owner who owns. What a concept. It's a very good organization." (Very interesting concept if you ask me)

Lewis said Monday that "he feels 100 percent responsible for the fans' frustrations. But be patient," he asked. "Better times are coming." (Oh really? Where are they right now? Out of town?)

"Everybody wants to win, and I'm sorry they're disappointed," Lewis said. "So am I. But unfortunately, that's where we are right now. But hang on; you're going to see something special here." (We already have seen something special, it's called the last 20 years, that was very special... Special Education!)

It's amazing that as much as Marvin Lewis and the Players of the Cincinnati Bengals still think that something is going to happen that's so great this season... When was the last time an NFL team went to the playoffs, or won a Super Bowl after starting 0 - 6? Let me answer that, NEVER, so put your hopes back down where they belong... The Bengals are truly a home town circus now. We can't expect them to do anything better than 0 - 16, and I'm thinking there's a VERY good chance that we will in fact do that, and I'm truly hoping for it!

Here's my prediction: The Bengals will finish 0 - 16 for the season, and we will obviously get the first round draft pick, because we will be indisputably the WORST team in the NFL to date! However, with this first round draft pick, we will pick up Carson Palmer's little sister or mother as back up quarterback, or we will pick up Shane Graham's girlfriend as back up kicker. Both very good positions that we need filled, especially with both of them having very "hush hush" injuries... Don't lie to us Marvin, just tell us Carson is done, and we'll call it a season, then you guys can have the time off, just no call, no show, leave the field open during the games and let drunk tailgaters on the field to show you how real football is played! Other than that, that's all I can bitch about on this sour topic... We'll See Ya

-4,105 people just sold their season tickets after reading this article...