In the year 2002, this show (if we should call it that) was released. It "swept the nation" like Obama's plague of an inauguration. It's sickening how stuck up people are on this crap, but the funny thing is, the winner of every season is given a bunch of money, and a record contract. That's good and all, but how many of these past 7 years winners have amounted to anything other than a maggot:
Beginning with season one winner: Kelly Clarkson.
There's no doubt that Kelly Clarkson is hot, and she was at first, but since has put on weight, although she's losing and gaining with every video I tend to catch on my "jump start" on VH1 every morning. Recently, she's had some catchy tunes, but her thoughts on hating men and so on and so forth in her songs is just getting old and boring... Maybe stop trying to date all of the Hollywood drama queen guys and date a regular guy, they're much more promising... All in all, Kelly Clarkson is one of the select few to amount to anything more than a "has been" from American Idol... She still show's promise, but needs some new song idea's...
Next on the chopping block: Rubben Studdard.
If anyone's going to be sorry for 2004 and beyond for that matter, it's you Rubben. First off, you're terrible. I know you're going for that whole I'm a huge teddy bear routine, but where'd you go? No one's seen or heard from you in a long time... Speaking of time, you're probably doing some with all the flashiness that you brought to yourself. Your best hit song was "I'm sorry for 2004" (as you should be), and I wouldn't go far as to call it a hit as I would a blooper. You're a big smudge on the billboard that needs to be erased... You haven't done anything productive in 5 years, and you probably never will, and I guarantee your prize money is well and gone... Way to go, bet you thought buying a huge house and a couple of Benz's would take you far, but as a matter of fact, I think I saw you on an episode of Repo! Way to go buddy, real smart!
Next! Fantasia Barrino:
Who? What is this a Disney movie? I've never heard a song by this broad, and further, wouldn't probably want to hear anything, because if you haven't heard it by now, it's probably not going to be that good anyways... By the way, it must feel pretty salty not even making the "one hit wonder" list... But on the bright side, you might make the cut for some future show on VH1, like "I Won American Idol But Never Amounted To Shit!" Good luck to you!
Next On The List, Carrie Underwood:
Now, let me clarify, although she won American Idol, she is a.) HOT, b.) HOT, and c.) Very talented! She's gorgeous, smart and has an amazing voice, and thank God she left that American Idol scene for real music, COUNTRY! She is the root of Jason Aldean's song "Country Girl!" I have no beef with Carrie Underwood, because after 3 years, she managed to make a great name for herself, and was invited to join an elite group that is The Grand Ole' Opry! Congrats to you, and keep it country'!!!
Next! Taylor Hicks:
Did George Clooney and Jay Leno sleep together and have an illegitimate child that they later named Taylor Hicks? Come on! How old are you? Like 70? Peppered hair isn't cool, except for maybe the Hair Club for Men guys before they use the product... By the way, what have you been spending your time doing besides not pursuing your music career? Oh yea, you've been doing even gayer things than finding your new hair do! You're in the new production of Grease, the play... That's cool! Good luck with the rest of your dancing Lillie ass friends, you fag! Go Grease Lightning!
Geez, does this need to continue? Next, Jordin Sparks:
One step at a time you say? Yea, seems like you're running rather quickly out of the music scene... You can have your one hit, Vanilla Ice did, so it's only fair... The only thing you have to look forward to is a VH1 show with your friend Fantasia... Maybe you should take things one step at a time, and try to find a job because obviously your music career isn't working out well since you only have that one song that still, for some estranged reason still plays on the radio... Good luck on VH1 FAILURE!!!
And lastly, David Cook:
Quite possibly my favorite of all... A great story behind this guy... Mr. I'm just a guy that used to work at a bar that decided to give it my all and clown the world into believing I really have talent! Good job, you completed that, but apparently everyone wanted that David Autisticlatia or whatever his name is to win, but somehow you got Paula's vote, and no one wants to argue with that crackhead... You're just a Daughtry wanna be... Here's an idea, stick to the Emo Bar Scene look that fits you so well... Nice scarf, did you sew that with all the extra time you had off from American Idol? By the way, I'll have a Miller Lite, you douche and make it snappy!!!
So there it is America! 2 winners out of 7 that have made something of themselves, and only one that I will fully endorse! So who's going to win this years American Idol? I would tell you, but I don't want to ruin it, but this year is looking promising, so it's probably the douche that dresses Emo like our boy David Cook! America! Get away from your DVR and let it go, watch some real TV, and relax! Get off the TV Dick that is screwing America! Your vote doesn't count, just like it didn't count in the recent election... Good job! YOU SUCK!!! At least you have a friend that sucks too! American Idol!!!
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