Some of you may consider my job dangerous, some boring, some just wasting time till the weekend while making beer money, but regardless, my job to me is intense. Intense in the sense that every day there is a customer that tries to make/break our day. Now, I have 5 1/2 almost 6 years of experience in this line of work, so it's quite humorous when someone gets upset, and blows up at me, and tries to "break down my spirit..." I do admire the effort on most people's parts, but I have to admit, I have quite a strong skin built up from all of the bullshit I've put up with over the years.
Yesterday for instance, I had a customer, that quite possibly came from that lower, small part of Kentucky, you know that part that doesn't really get out much? Yea, that part, and he came in to cash a check, but didn't have an account with National City (my bank), and in that sense, we charge $10 to cash it, that's our policy, not mine, but like I said, it's policy. The check was for $50.00. Yes, $50.00. I told him the policy, and from there, it became a situation of dealing with McD (for those that don't know my old roommate, he used to repeat everything you or him said about 30 times which really really REALLY exhausted the fact of what you said). (Enter said asshole customer #1). Here's the dialogue:
Customer: "10 DOLLARS!?!? EVEN IF THE CHECK IS DRAWN OFF OF YOUR BANK?!?!"
Me: "Yes, I'm sorry sir, but it's our policy..."
Customer: "THAT'S A BULLSHIT FUCKING POLICY IF YOU ASK ME... OTHER BANKS ONLY CHARGE $8.00 AND THAT'S ENOUGH IF YOU ASK ME!!! BUT 10 FUCKING DOLLARS?!?!"
Me: "Yes, do you bank elsewhere currently?"
Customer: "Yea, and that's fucking why! Well go ahead and charge me the $10 but I'm going to tell my friend that wrote me the check and he's going to get really pissed off and reimburse me!"
Me: "That's one option..."
Customer: "I could understand $8, but $10 is just fucking ridiculous!!! $10... pffffftttttttt"
Me: ".......Sorry, but that's the policy"
Customer: "Most charges only charge $8, but $10, that's fucking crazy!!!"
Me: ".........Have a good day"
Upon exiting, he managed to poop out one more loud "Fucking Ridiculous!" before he made it back to his work truck, or mobile home on wheels, I'm still up in the air about it...
That's just one instance, on one day, of almost 6 years of work... Trust me, I say thick skin, I mean thick skin... However, today, I must say that I was clearly blown out of the water. Usually I only like to tell a story about a customer if it happens to me, but today, the victim was Viktoriya. Thank God Viktoriya has tough skin too, but she's Russian, so it's a given. A customer, to which we'll call Oug Orns, to conceal his identity, came in. This guy has an extensive background with getting upset over petty shit. Regardless, he came in today while I was at lunch. Viktoriya was the only teller, and had 2 customers she was already helping, and within 15 seconds of waiting in line, he was FURIOUS! Viktoriya was helping a customer that is one of the nicest customers we have, and he's rather old, so time is taken up helping him, but he gladly told Oug that he would step aside and let her take care of him. But he said it's bullshit that he has to wait. He said he "doesn't wait for tellers!"
Now, after getting frisky and yelling at not only Viktoriya, but one of our customers about taking too long, and him having to wait, he got involved with another customer that gave him lip about having to wait and how it's sad that he's getting upset and that he needs to reevaluate his life. I found this funny. After the whole situation, he ends up threatening to close his accounts but doesn't do so... Later on today, he calls to complain to me, because I was at lunch and not around at the time, and he complains to me, refers to everyone here as "asses" and says we treated him poorly, and "in his opinion, we're losing a valuable customer..." I beg to differ... The only thing that could have made the whole thing funnier was definitely talking about himself in third person...
Therefore, I've come to this model of dealing with an angry customer:
Step 1.) Verbal Warning - In a verbal warning, you make the customer aware that they are getting out of line, and not staying in their lane. If the trouble persists, please continue to step 2.
Step 2.) Fist To Jaw - In a Fist To Jaw maneuver, it's simply what it says... A fist to the jaw is a priceless move to catch a customer off guard. In most cases, they have a glass one, and it's going to shatter recklessly, and rather quickly... If there's still movement, move to ground assault with kicks to the sides and stomach, sure to take away all methods of breathing.
Step 3.) Call 911 - Calling 911 will insure quick response by an ambulance to disperse of the body that is now bagged and tagged by you, the CSR from Hell... Then thank them for their continued business.... BITCH!
Note: Any action taken seriously by said reader during the course of his/her work day is not in direct correspondence to this blog. The said blogger in no way/shape/or form encourages this action to be taken, but would in fact find it funny to see. Please see workplace rules and regulations to decide your proper course of action, as shitty as it may be...
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