Every life is a story... What are you writing about?

Every life tells a story. Every event that happens in our lives is another chapter. I came to thinking today after court about all of the things that I've done through out my life. And thought about all of the good that I've done, and all of the bad that I've done. Once I left the court today, after finding out I'm losing my license for 6 months, and have to pay $1,000 something dollars, and all of the legal issues that come along with that, I realized the good that came out of that ordeal. I realized how thankful that I am that I have friends that still care enough to ask how everything went, and asked if I had the money to cover it, and ask if there's anything else they can do for me, to just let them know. After finally relaying the bad news on my parents, I also realized something else. If I could go back to elementary school, and take the "what do you want to be when you grow up" test, I wouldn't need to take it. All of this time, I always talked about how strict my parents were, and anyone that truly knows me, know that I always talk bad about them, and tell how boring they are. But I came to realize, that more than anything in this world, I want to be just like my parents. (A few things I would obviously change, but that's because I pray to God that my kids are not near as bad as I am). But I realized the importance of my parents and friends today. More than I think I have ever realized it before. When I told them, my mom cried, and my dad just dropped his head. I knew at that point that I had really let them down, and I've been letting them down a lot recently. But I think truly, once I hit rock bottom with this DUI, I really realized something about myself as a person, and the story I'm writing with my life. I realized, who would actually want to read my book? Would I really have people that would want to be like me? Would I want my kids to know these things about me?

I realized today what a waste I have made with my life. I'm 24 years old, and now I have to move back into my parents house because with this new legal trouble, I don't have enough to pay my school bills, my car payment, my new insurance rate, and other minor details that come with food, water and shelter. I had to sit back and ask myself, were those beers and shots that night really worth the rest of my life going down the toilet? The answer is no... I learned, and am in the process of learning the hardest lesson of my life. Finding out who I am. A lot of people want to grow up and be famous. The only thing I was becoming famous in was how much I could drink and party and be destructive. I took a good, long hard look at myself, and for the first time, I was able to tell myself, that I not only let my family down, but I let myself down. I have truly hit rock bottom... It's hard coming to terms with myself, knowing that I have become everything I never wanted to be... My parents asked me how I can sleep every night knowing that I'm a liar, and that what I'm doing is dumb, and honestly, I don't know how... I do know that God always has a plan outlined for us, and although we do stray from that plan, we occasionally fall along the way, but he's always there to let us know we screwed up. But this life I've been living isn't worth that one night of fun. I'm going to have a lot of time with myself, to realize that what I did was dumb, and for the first time in my life, I'm not upset about that. In fact, I'm grateful. I'm glad that I finally let myself down... I was always that quiet guy in high school, that just did what was required of me, because I didn't like the people at my school that were out partying and having fun... I always told myself I never wanted to be like them, because they looked stupid... But all I did was postpone that, and I'm trying to go back to those "glory days." I've never been so ashamed of myself before, but I feel that a greater lesson has been learned. Someone told me that I have a self-destructive behavior about myself, and that it's all going to catch up to me one day, well knock knock, who's there, (it's not Mike Brown, but check that blog out too), it's my life, and it's evicting me, because it can't handle what I'm doing anymore...

2008 has been a year of mistakes for me. One's that I can't necessarily take back, but one's that I can look at, and make better choices for in 2009. I'm just glad to finally have all of this taken control of. I also want to take this time to say to anyone that does read this, that if I've hurt your feelings, offended you, or said anything to make you think negative thoughts of me, I'm sorry... Who I am hates who I've been, and from this point now, I'm going to start making some changes to become what I want to be... A more positive person, that can maybe reach out to those that are confused and help them before they travel down the road that I've been... That's basically the point I want to get to... I want to prevent anyone making the same choices that I've made. But if you have already, it's never too late to make a change. I'm going to need help, this I already know, but there's other's out there that are reaching out for someones help too, so don't be hesitant to reach out and help someone, after all, we all write a story throughout our lives, don't you want yours to be something that somebody would be inspired by??? To all of my friends and family, I love you guys more than anything, and I appreciate all that you have done for me, from this year, through my entire life, thank you, and I love you... We'll See Ya...

1 person actually figured out I wasn't being sarcastic at all during the course of reading this blog...

The Road To Recovery... What A Long Road It Is...

So recently, I decided that I wanted to quit smoking... And when you look at this endeavor, it seems so easy, and people can't believe that you wreck and go back to smoking again. But if you don't smoke, you don't realize how hard it is to quit when you smoke the way that you do. When I first started smoking (thanks to Zeek) it seemed really easy, and it was enjoyable because I was only smoking when I would go out and drink, which was frequent to often. Therefore, I would have some beers, throw back a couple of scoogies, and just relax, and it was wonderful. I remember a pack of cigarettes seemed to last me over a week, and sometimes maybe even 2 weeks. Now, I'll be lucky if I don't have to stop and buy another pack before I go to work the next day... Sometimes I find myself going through 3 packs over a weekend... I have finally come to the conclusion that I do really want to quit smoking, one of many reasons being my health and well being.

As for most of you that actually know me, know that I have tried to quit before, and have failed miserably. But I feel that this time I may be able to make some progress, because as of right now, I'm 29 hours without a cigarette, and although I feel quite antsy, and quite irritable, I still feel that if I'm strong enough, I can conquer this quest. I have had a cough now for some time, and I know it's a result of the smoking, paired with coming down with a cold. I've read many places that smoking can slow your immune system, slowing the progress your body undertakes when fighting off viruses and diseases. I know this is going to be a very difficult task to uphold, because I have almost a set routine, but I have broken this routine already this morning, and did not break in, and decide to stop and buy some more smokes... In a given month consisting of 30 days, I spend approximately $156 dollars on cigarettes. After looking through my finances, that's a savings of $1,872 dollars a year. That almost calculates to almost 4 1/2 car payments on my Civic. After looking at all of the positives, I just have more of a will to quit. This is not to mention the fact that it's just gross and causes cancer and all that cry baby crap they talk about in those dumb commercials. The savings alone are enough to drive me to quit though, and I think that by blogging about it, maybe almost like a journal, I will have somewhat of an easier time quitting.

I'm doing this also in the hopes that people will take notice of how nice and easy it may be to quit, and how rewarding it can be. I plan to blog frequently in some small blogs about behavioral changes, cravings, etc... Therefore, lets begin with Day 1...

Day 1: Started off the same time wise. I had to be at work at 10am. Usually, within my first hour of waking up, before I take my shower and start the daily routine, I would go out and smoke a cigarette, to more or less feed the need. Today was different though. Once I got up, I ate first, trying to get my mind off of wanting to smoke. After I ate, I sat down and started to burn a CD. Once I did that, I still had some extra time, another prime opportunity in which usually I would grab a scoogie... I kept having this anxious feeling that I really needed a cigarette. The feeling was almost like something was very wrong. Once I left the house for work, the time I light up a scoogie before I get to the top of the street, I had this overwhelming feeling that I had forgot something. I kept driving, knowing that had turned everything off, and shut the garage (not that it mattered, because McD was home anyways), but still had that gut feeling. Once I got to West Chester Rd and Route 42, I passed the shell station where I would usually grab a pack or 2 of smokes for the day and the next depending on how I felt. But today, I kept on driving, but feared I would pull in there out of habit. Once I came up to Tylersville and Cox Road intersection that's when I really felt the anxiety... I felt like something terrible was going to happen if I didn't get a cigarette soon. Once I pulled into work however, and walked in, the anxiety went away, because usually I don't smoke again till lunch break, and at that point, I'm pretty stressed just from working, but today seemed different, because I was busy, and wasn't as stressed. I'm starting to think that by keeping busy with something, or keeping my mind focused on something other than my smoking routine, I think less and less about having one. That might be the key, but I hope I can outlast this craving. As of right now, I have a headache, and my hands are shaking a little bit, but nothing too far out of the ordinary.

We'll See Ya

541,205 people decided to quit cold turkey with me, but have already failed after reading this...

Knock Knock... Who's There???

Caption: Hi! My name is Tyrant Brown, and I own a local amateur football team in Cincinnati, Ohio. We are trying to raise awareness of our local team. Although we're 1 - 10 - 1 (soon to be 1 - 14 - 1), we still feel that we have a fighting chance. With my leadership skills, and our coaching staff, we believe that we'll take state! This coming Sunday we are taking on our state rival The Upward Bronco's! Please buy season tickets because we don't have many people wanting to buy tickets...

(I slammed the door in his face just to let you know...)

The thing is, although if you've read George's blog before this will sound very repetitive, that we are weekly strung on to a couple of quotes that I would like to make you loyal readers available.

"Whenever you have a lot of injuries, depth plays a part," Lewis said. "Today, we weren't very good. I got my butt kicked. When you get your head kicked in like we just did, I'm not going to be very happy."

-Oh really? Because I feel like there's a slight case of Deja Vu, and I'm not talking about the strip club in mid Ohio. It seems funny, because when he says we have a lot of injuries, it's weird because it appeared to me that the Raven's had exactly the same amount of injuries and they desecrated us on both offense and defense... Strange, I know... As for the "we weren't very good" that about sums up all season, and at least he didn't say "today" after "good," because I would have blown my top. The even stranger part is he says he "got his butt kicked." He didn't get his butt kicked, but our O-Line, Defense and without a doubt Fitzpatrick got their butts kicked. How could he be happy with anything other than Housh and Larson? They get the game ball, if there actually was one... I'm more upset that I actually watched this entire travesty.

The funny thing is, I got texts from 3 different people asking if I wanted their tickets for the game, and they'd be free... Usually, if this was last year, I would have taken them in a heartbeat, but this year, I set a sample breakdown on how I decide if I want them or not, here's my sample breakdown:

Free Tickets: $0.00

Parking: $25.00

Beers: 6 x $7.25 = 43.50

Tailgating: $Best part of the day.50

Walking to the bathroom: $too many steps.75

Sitting in the cold to get pissed off: $haha.25

When you look at tickets to NFL games, Free is always awesome, however, when you utilize the price of everything to free Bengals tickets, you actually end up losing with the 2008-09 Bengals. Therefore, I turned down 3 offers. However, after yesterday's game, I've decided to be taken off of my friend's list's of people that would want free tickets to the Bengals games this year. I just decided that there is no way I will give any more money to the Bengals organization until Mike Brown comes over to my house, and apologizes to me personally for this season, and the past 24 years with the exception of 2005... Also he has to wait on me hand and foot while I call him a "bitch" all day...

On with the show:

When asked if Lewis could go through another season like this:

"Our football team won't have to go through another season like this - nor will our fans, believe me," Lewis said.

I don't know about you guys, but I believe him... We won't have to go through another season like this, you know, he's absolutely right! We've gone through 25 seasons of this, we can't have just 1 more crappy one, we'll have another 25 season's like this or they'll move to another state that doesn't want them... Fan's? What fans? The best part of yesterday's game was tailgating, and I wasn't even there, and I could tell you no one cared for the actual game! It was a home game, and I heard boo's from the stadium all the way at my house! I actually had to turn my TV up because the boo's were so loud!

"We just have to stay in coverage," Lewis said.

Stay in coverage? Doesn't he even know what coverage means? Or did he hear a REAL coach talk about it on ESPN after the gag reel that was the Bengals game yesterday? How about you hire a coach that can teach your team coverage? I've had better games of backyard football with no pads that had better coverage than anything that was seen yesterday on CBS... I wish that the Bengals could have coverage like the Macy's day parade, ALL OVER IT!!! I was so depressed with the Bengals poor play (I only say poor play because I don't know any word that is lower than poor) that I almost watched "The Notebook," which if you read my previous blog, you know I'll never do that... Here Lewis, let me help you out real quick:

Coverage - Extend over the entire surface of, to protect.

I can't even bitch anymore about this crap of a team. At least UC has a bowl game to go to. GO UC, and I'm sure they could use a stadium like PBS because they deserve it!!! We'll See Ya!

546,054 people just realized that I am amazing with the Paint program, because yes I drew that door using paint!

The Essence Of Cool... Or... Are These Guys Better, Or Worse Than 4 Popped Collars???

So I was sent this picture in an email, and after seeing it, I realized that this was my calling, and I pretty much had to blog about this. I had to bring this to the attention of the World because, yes, it is that good. The only sad thing that I truly have to report, is that this is truly a TRUE THING. This really is a gang titled "Icey Hot Stunna's..." I mean, really? When I saw this, I had to think that it was a hoax or something like my friends and I would do when we play beer pong or something, but no, sadly, this is true... Let's detail the fallacies in this photo as we go on exploration with this photo:

A.) Mitsubishi Eclipse... Really? That's truly gangster, because you never see those cars around, EVER! Those are expensive cars, BACK WHEN IT WAS NEW IN 1996!!! Of all things, it's the lowest end model of the Eclipse. I am impressed however, it's the only eclipse that I've seen that DOESN'T have a Blitz Body Kit like you're from Fast and the Furious! Irregardless, it's not a Benz or a Bentley or you know, something that rich people (stunna's) drive.

B.) The Tupac Head Bandana... Ok, you're not gangster sitting on the hood of your eclipse... Not even to mention your watch and bracelet combo. Must be that $10 Marc Ecko combination purchase from Gabriel Brothers... Plus I totally enjoy his elementary school snikes... On to the next one...

C.) Ford Ranger, everything you need to ball on the farm! There's no other truck that I can think of that makes it rain harder than the Ranger... I mean, seriously! Do you really think that your Ranger is "cool" or "stuntin'???" There should be a law somewhere that prohibits the "tricking out" of Rangers and considering it "cool..." I mean, I have seen people attempt to trick them out with body kits, and hydraulics and things of that nature. But he doesn't even go for a shiny grill piece or fender flares or anything.

D.) Really? Those neon green construction pants are AMAZING! They really flow well with your wanna-be white tee (dresses as I call them), and your white bandana. It's really too bad that I can't see his shoes, because judging from the other shoes worn by these thugs (douches') they're probably the same New Balances that my dad wears... Real gangster... I also really wish that I could zoom in on this picture because they all have some sort of wrist bands on, now I don't know if that's a tracking device that Juvenile Detention Centers loan out for petty thefts of chap stick at Walmart or what, but they all have them, so I'm rolling with that idea... Nice chain by the way, buy one, get 2 free from Traders World, or was it Turtle Creek? Maybe Piercing Pagoda???

E.) Where's the bandana? Are you the leader (if that's what we would call you)? No shirt, no exuberant colored pants to go along with your flaming homosexual personality... I just don't get it, you have to be the leader of this clown posse (I mean circus parade). Besides that, let's examine what he does have: He does have a backwards hat (notably cool), no shirt (prison partners favorite), old school Adidas that look like they've spent a lot of time "slangin" on the basketball court at the Trailer Park picnic, and the same wrist bracelets. I'm pretty sure he's got a tattoo, but I can't tell because it partly looks like he's trying to cover it up. Probably his girlfriend (domestic violence partner) that left him when she moved out of the trailer park with mom). Seriously, the leader of this group??? That's a point in time where you're a winner, and a loser at the same time... Didn't I see you at Kings Island 14 years ago??? (Wasn't P&G day, I'll tell you that much...)

F.) Pontiac Firebird... Stolen??? That's a nice car for a "thug" (ring leader) to have... I really can't rag too much on him, unless it's the one that his dad got arrested for for his 5th O.V.I. in 2 months, so they repoed the car or something like that, but there's got to be something I'm missing here...

G.) Nothing like some 14" Walmart rims to really set your firebird off... I mean, that's a grand total of maybe, $25??? Must have been that drug money from selling your dad's Viagra thinking it's Oxycontin or something... You may get a way with that in the Trailer Park, but not out in the real world buddy... Chrome is for Caddy's, leave it that way...

H.) Now I know for a fact that these rims ARE at Walmart, the Firebird is just a guess... I haven't been in the department since I got out of the, what seemed to be "racing period" in my life. But I know, beyond the shadow of a doubt that these are Walmart rims. But when you live in the remote trailer parks, you have to go to the only place you know that can trick out your car... I think they actually flow well though, however, I think he's making monthly payments on them because you can't see any of the other rims, so he probably just took the hubs off the back ones until he can afford the next 3 rims, in which he'll put those on, and take another picture...

I.) Now most people that own this car to "trick out" or "pimp out" usually put the Blitz body kit on it, (watch the first Fast and the Furious, the green eclipse at the beginning), but you went conservative, and left it stock... Have to give you credit, instead of an unpainted body kit that doesn't fit right and mismatches the rest of the car, you stayed smart... Kudos to you... Or props as you may call it, I don't know, I'm straight, so I don't know the lingo, but you get the picture...

So what else can I say for these guys? I mean, I know when I was in those car tricking out stages, we had moments of not using our heads and things like that, but some people (said above culprits) took it too many steps over the line, and made it a way of life... I don't know how well the trailer park in Kentucky takes it that they own anything other than Ford's, but that's probably why they "beat in" the Ranger... I wish this was a reality show to see what these guys actually do as "a crew..." I have to admit, as much as I would hate to watch it, I would... I just want to see where they're at now... See who's mad at who for making their car slightly faster than the others. See the battles that have happened between the clown posse... You know you'd watch it too... I'm done hating now... We'll See Ya!

2 people have actually seen these guys in a remote part of Kentucky "sitting sidewayz".... And they realized that they were once gay too after reading this blog...

10 Things You'll Never See Me Do! EVER!

Here's a short list since I haven't written anything in awhile and people are starting to wonder where I went lately of things that I'll never do, and explanations as to why I won't do them...


10.) I will never, ever wear Make Up. I'm not emo, and I'm not gay. There's just some things in life that guys should NEVER, EVER do, and that is definitely wear make up. I'm so against guys wearing make up that I won't even do it for a Halloween costume. I mean, it's allowable for Halloween, pending how funny the costume is, but if it's not very funny, then you're just gay. As for any other time, it's a man law violation for a man to wear make up. (See metrosexual blog).


9.) I will never attend an emo concert. For one of many reasons. First reason being that I hate emo people, children, anything that goes along with the word "emo." First of all, I have never truly met a real "emo" person. Partly because emo is supposed to be reserved for those people that really listen to their own styles of music, and have their own true style. The people that consider themselves "emo" all go together to the mall to shop at the same "emo wanna-be" shop Hot Topic. Here's an idea, don't shop at trendy, trashy stores at the mall if you're trying to be an individual... Just an idea idiot...


8.) I will never see The Notebook. Sorry ladies, and some of you gentlemen that have told me it's actually a pretty good movie. I'm sorry, but it's just not going to happen, so let it go. I've heard stories about it, and it's a chick flick. I don't even care if Carmen Electra asked me to watch it with her, I still would not watch it. There's a thing called principals, although I don't have many, and many of you reading can attest to this, but this is definitely one that I strongly uphold.


7.) I will never say "no pun intended." This is simply because the people that say that, know that the pun was intended, and are just saying that because they think you're an idiot, and wouldn't catch it unless they stated that it wasn't something that it really was... You follow that? Idiot... When I say something that is a play on words, or a pun, I will not say it, because I know you're smart enough to catch it, and if you aren't, then I won't laugh when you don't, because then I'll know 110% that you have no idea what I'm talking about. But yes, it's something you'll never hear me say, trust me...


6.) I will never be a vegetarian. God intended all men and women to eat meat, no matter what. It's part of a balanced diet, and to go against God, well, you know, that's what we call, "not good." Not eating meat is worse for you than eating meat, trust me. There's proteins in meat that your body needs for a healthy balance, and not eating it is really bad for you, so just eat it. Vegans are queers (see metrosexuals blog).


5.) I will never grow my hair out like these shaggy haired degenerate California wanna be skater punks. I hate the fact that these queers shake their heads constantly when you're telling them that they can't skateboard around your car in the parking lot. They keep throwing their heads around trying to keep their highlighted shaggy hair out of their eyes. Maybe you'd land more tricks if you weren't blinded by your crappy Ryan Seacrest dyed hair, just an idea, I'm just saying. You're not cute, you're not funny, and you're definitely not from California. (Those from Cali, I'm sorry, carry on with your business). Cut your hair pansies, and find a damn skate park or I'll kill you and break your skateboard, in no particular order...


4.) I will never cheer for the Steelers, even though I said I would. I was just upset with the Bengals. I bleed black and orange, which I'm starting to think could just be Halloween, because I'm completely dissatisfied with the Bengals, but I'm still hoping that it's really I just like the Bengals. I believe that everyone should cheer for their hometown team, which is why I'm also not a OSU fan, that upon many other reasons. But I'm a Bearcats fan, even though they're not very good either... In other words, Cincinnati sucks at everything, except for maybe Hockey, but still, I love them...


3.) I will never sell the first gun I bought... I will never let go of my first shotgun. I love it far too much to ever let anything happen to it. It will definitely be something I give to my son someday to pass on through generations. I don't care if I get kicked out on the streets and have nothing but that gun, but I will always have that gun... There's just some things in life that must be kept at all costs, and I don't even care if Obama tries to take it away, it will always be in my possession until I bestow the honor upon my only honorable son...


2.) I will never watch Sex in the City. This is a given, more or less than it is something I will just never do. The show is clearly for women, about women, and quite frankly, I don't have the patience or sheer will power to even attempt to watch the introduction to the show. If I even see it in my guide on Dish, I start to get alittle queasy... Speaking of which, just thinking about those old, wrinkled broads makes my stomach upset... NEXT!


1.) I will never go on a diet. I know that I am blessed with all of the metabolism that I have, that I don't have to work out, I can eat whatever I want, and never gain a thing, in fact, I'd probably lose weight. But God has a plan for me, and if it's to get fat and huge like a trucker, well then, so be it! You can't stop the inevitable. Diets just aren't for me. They're for people that care, and anyone that knows me, and I mean really knows me knows I'm careless...


So there you have it, 10 things I'll never do... Now get off my back about updating my blogs...
We'll See Ya!


645,043 people just mentally pictured me as an overweight trucker and thought it was horribly disgusting but would still be my friend...

Things I Do Like Better Than Work... A Positive Blog...

A lot of you have recently noticed my extreme hatred for work. A lot of you may share this, but some of you do really enjoy your daily grind, and for that, I Hate You!!! Therefore, as requested by many, I have taken this time out to make a list of all the possible things I could think of that I like better than work... Let's begin:

Listen to babies cry.
Listen to old people's stories of the depression.
Talk to the greeter at Wal-Mart.
Listen to John Madden.
Watch Lifetime Television.
Do volunteer work.
Listen to customers stories.
Listen to why customers overdraw.
Go to church.
Clean the house.
Read a book.
Talk on the phone.
Listen to girls talk about marriage.
Talk about committment.
Talk about relationships.
Watch Titanic.
Watch A Walk To Remember.
Watch The Notebook.
Drink wine.
Work out.
Quit smoking.
Eat healthy.
Talk to Taco Bell employee's for Investment advice.


As of right now, that's about it... We'll See Ya!



110 people thought this was going to be an optimistic blog but slowly realized it was only my sarcasm after reading it...

Old People + Technology = Dangerous

In today's rapidly changing world of technology, cars, etc... One group stands out and alone as not being able to accept the changing culture, and not being able to upgrade to the levels of thinking on which is required to accept these changes. That group, is old people... If you're one of those lovey dovey, I accept all people for their flaws types, then I STRONGLY advise you to quit reading now, and wait for another sunshine and rainbow like blog, which isn't going to be anything that I have readily available anytime soon (probably ever)! Old people, on numerous, in fact countless occasions have proven to typical mankind that they are not capable of doing anything on their own. They are quite possibly the worst drivers, their inability to use a common day computer just boggles my mind, and the fact that they choose to use the self checkout self scan at Kroger is just senseless...

Lets start where it hits me the most: Driving. Old people drivers are quite possibly the worst thing to encounter when out on the road, because they literally, after the 300 years they have been on this Earth, have forgotten what speed limits, center lines, and fast lanes are. Guess what? The rest of the civilized life forms on this Earth haven't forgotten these things! So here's an idea, old people are pretty much useless, they're wasting our Social Security, they're killing all kinds of drivers when they fall asleep at the wheel, or just plain drive their boat of a Cadillac onto on-coming traffic because their Tri-focals don't work as well as when they were just glasses. My solution: At the age of 60, all people, of all races at the age of 60 must retake the eye exam, and driving test at no cost to them. If they pass, then they must retake this test every 5 years, and they will not lose their license. In the event that they do not pass, then they are to lose their license until they pass on to whatever inevitable hell they will cause me later in life. It may sound harsh, but when I got places to go, they're always in the way, and not following the rules of the road.

Computers: Watching old people use a computer is like watching retards make love. Just not happening. I see this all the time at the bank, and online banking and old people go together like a swing set in the fast lane of the highway... (That's not good in case you didn't know that... I don't know your parents, so...) I mean, they had typewriters that have the same keying, and same things, instead, all that you have to do is look at a television like screen instead of fingers, I mean, yea, that's not as fun to look at a screen when you could look at your rheumatoid arthritis like fingers, trust me, I know... Realistically, if you can't start a computer, and hit start to access programs, then let's be real, you probably shouldn't be on this Earth...

Cell Phones: Jitterbug? That's the best name you could come up with for this old person-esque cell phone? George Michael's should be PISSED! They're basically calling him old by putting his song title with this piece of crap (not that I feel bad for that child molester, but either way)... This phone doesn't even have an on-board phonebook, you have to call some service that keeps track of all of your stuff for you over the phone. I bet those operators love their jobs. They even say in the commercial that their US Based phone service operators, so your grandparents don't have to deal with Arabs trying to tell them how to work their phones... My main question is, why do old people need cell phones? They don't go out to the bars at night, most of the time, all of their friends are dead or don't move other than to drool. Lets be realistic, your children do not want you to have a cell phone just to call and bother them either, that's why they put you in a home far, far away from them... THEY DON'T WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!!!

Here's my solution... If your parents ever told you that they took your old dog to the farm where he/she will have a much easier life, then you later found out they put him down... Well, TA DA!!! Easy, simple, painless procedure, and I will do it for you for free! In reality, this is just for the greater good of everyone! Just think about it...

We'll See Ya!

8,540,320 people feel bad that they put their parents in a home, but still completely understand where I am coming from and support me...