Every life tells a story. Every event that happens in our lives is another chapter. I came to thinking today after court about all of the things that I've done through out my life. And thought about all of the good that I've done, and all of the bad that I've done. Once I left the court today, after finding out I'm losing my license for 6 months, and have to pay $1,000 something dollars, and all of the legal issues that come along with that, I realized the good that came out of that ordeal. I realized how thankful that I am that I have friends that still care enough to ask how everything went, and asked if I had the money to cover it, and ask if there's anything else they can do for me, to just let them know. After finally relaying the bad news on my parents, I also realized something else. If I could go back to elementary school, and take the "what do you want to be when you grow up" test, I wouldn't need to take it. All of this time, I always talked about how strict my parents were, and anyone that truly knows me, know that I always talk bad about them, and tell how boring they are. But I came to realize, that more than anything in this world, I want to be just like my parents. (A few things I would obviously change, but that's because I pray to God that my kids are not near as bad as I am). But I realized the importance of my parents and friends today. More than I think I have ever realized it before. When I told them, my mom cried, and my dad just dropped his head. I knew at that point that I had really let them down, and I've been letting them down a lot recently. But I think truly, once I hit rock bottom with this DUI, I really realized something about myself as a person, and the story I'm writing with my life. I realized, who would actually want to read my book? Would I really have people that would want to be like me? Would I want my kids to know these things about me?
I realized today what a waste I have made with my life. I'm 24 years old, and now I have to move back into my parents house because with this new legal trouble, I don't have enough to pay my school bills, my car payment, my new insurance rate, and other minor details that come with food, water and shelter. I had to sit back and ask myself, were those beers and shots that night really worth the rest of my life going down the toilet? The answer is no... I learned, and am in the process of learning the hardest lesson of my life. Finding out who I am. A lot of people want to grow up and be famous. The only thing I was becoming famous in was how much I could drink and party and be destructive. I took a good, long hard look at myself, and for the first time, I was able to tell myself, that I not only let my family down, but I let myself down. I have truly hit rock bottom... It's hard coming to terms with myself, knowing that I have become everything I never wanted to be... My parents asked me how I can sleep every night knowing that I'm a liar, and that what I'm doing is dumb, and honestly, I don't know how... I do know that God always has a plan outlined for us, and although we do stray from that plan, we occasionally fall along the way, but he's always there to let us know we screwed up. But this life I've been living isn't worth that one night of fun. I'm going to have a lot of time with myself, to realize that what I did was dumb, and for the first time in my life, I'm not upset about that. In fact, I'm grateful. I'm glad that I finally let myself down... I was always that quiet guy in high school, that just did what was required of me, because I didn't like the people at my school that were out partying and having fun... I always told myself I never wanted to be like them, because they looked stupid... But all I did was postpone that, and I'm trying to go back to those "glory days." I've never been so ashamed of myself before, but I feel that a greater lesson has been learned. Someone told me that I have a self-destructive behavior about myself, and that it's all going to catch up to me one day, well knock knock, who's there, (it's not Mike Brown, but check that blog out too), it's my life, and it's evicting me, because it can't handle what I'm doing anymore...
2008 has been a year of mistakes for me. One's that I can't necessarily take back, but one's that I can look at, and make better choices for in 2009. I'm just glad to finally have all of this taken control of. I also want to take this time to say to anyone that does read this, that if I've hurt your feelings, offended you, or said anything to make you think negative thoughts of me, I'm sorry... Who I am hates who I've been, and from this point now, I'm going to start making some changes to become what I want to be... A more positive person, that can maybe reach out to those that are confused and help them before they travel down the road that I've been... That's basically the point I want to get to... I want to prevent anyone making the same choices that I've made. But if you have already, it's never too late to make a change. I'm going to need help, this I already know, but there's other's out there that are reaching out for someones help too, so don't be hesitant to reach out and help someone, after all, we all write a story throughout our lives, don't you want yours to be something that somebody would be inspired by??? To all of my friends and family, I love you guys more than anything, and I appreciate all that you have done for me, from this year, through my entire life, thank you, and I love you... We'll See Ya...
1 person actually figured out I wasn't being sarcastic at all during the course of reading this blog...
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