ABC's Of My Work Day...

A is for Acetaminophen which is what I need after being here for more than 8 hours a day...
B is for Bitching which is what I have to listen to all day from customers...
C is for Crap which is what my life is turning into because of this job situation...
D is for Delirious which is due to my nightmares of me still being at work while sleeping...
E is for Effortless which is what I am at work... No really, ask my boss, the numbers show it!
F is for Flat-line which is what my heartbeat does when an overdrawn customer comes in to talk...
G is for Gripe which is pretty much all I do while I'm at work...
H is for Hope which is what I do to pray the day is almost over...
I is for Intelligence which is what my customers have a serious lack of...
J is for Joy which is what I feel when I get off of work...
K is for Knock-Out which is want I want to do to customers that B is for Bitch at me...
L is for Lunch, my favorite part of my day... Next to going home...
M is for Maggot which is my level of classification here at work...
N is for Noose which is what I wish we had here at work, because then I wouldn't be here at work...
O is for Offend which is what I do to my fellow employee's when I make fun of them...
P is for Procrastinate which is what I do with all my training that I'm supposed to do...
Q is for Queasy which is what I am in the morning knowing I have to go to work...
R is for Redundant which is what every day is for me...
S is for Sanity which is what I have none of from working here for 2 years...
T is for Temper which mine is short from working here... Ask my friends...
U is for Unconscious which is what I am at work, at least that's what I've heard, I wouldn't know...
V is for Visitation which is what my friends are going to have to come to if I have to work here another year...
W is for Whatever which is what I'd rather be doing than be here at work any day...
X is for Xi which is for the 14th letter of the Greek Alphabet, see you learned something from my blogs...
Y is for Yawn which is what I do here a lot because I'm so bored with this job...
Z is for Zero which is the potential I have to move up at my current place of employment...

There you have it folks, the ABC's of my work day...

I HATE CINCINNATI!!!! HERE'S WHY:

I was reading the Enquirer today, or should I say "Biased Cincinnati Newspaper." All of the headlines just make our city sound so great! Let me give you a few examples of the one's that I saw that piss me off:

-Griffey a Red again?

-Watson Forgotten But Not Gone...

-Black Cats Need Homes...

-Quit Stealing My Signs!

-Safety Jackson Out For Season...

Let's take a look at the good and bad out of these stories:

Griffey a Red again? Please God NO! He talked about how happy he was to leave and get to play for a competitive team! Good, congratulations, but did you forget that they actually have to pick you up and want you to play for them? Minor details apparently to you... You're old, you're dried up, no one wants you... But please God, do not pick up Griffey again! He is completely worthless, and basically the worst thing to happen to Cincinnati, and the Reds... I would almost, ALMOST (clarification for everyone) rather have Obama in the office than Griffey back in Cincinnati... PLEASE NO!

Watson Forgotten But Not Gone... That's only because we can't get rid of him, our whole roster is pretty much screwed! Everyone's hurt! They keep showing Watson running the ball into the pack and getting pushed back for yards... He's horrible, worthless, pretty comparable to Griffey actually now that I think of it... He's been worthless ever since he got here... I say, let's forget about him, and get rid of him... But then we'll just draft another punter, so regardless, let's get a lesser player, for lesser pay...

Black Cats Need Homes... Really? I'm sure there's plenty of other cats that need homes too, why should we segregate only black cats? What about white cats? White cats have problems finding housing too, this isn't a racial problem. I heard Sarah McLaughlin trying to pawn off these poor dogs and cats on me for a free t-shirt the other day, so what about dogs too? Dogs and Cats need homes regardless of their race, gender... So the title should be Cats AND DOGS need homes! Good story enquirer, F FOR EFFORT!!!

Quit Stealing My Signs! Apparently Peter Frampton has a big problem in his Indian Hills neighborhood. Apparently these teens keep stealing his McCain/Palin yard signs! Really? How big of a problem is this? In Sharonville, I have to worry about not getting shanked by a homeless mexican walking the streets early in the mornings, but Peter Frampton, Mr. Bow Wow WooooooooooooooooW guitar man has SERIOUS problems! THEIR FREE SIGNS! You want people to know you're voting for him, then after you do vote, leave the election office screaming I VOTED MCCAIN/PALIN!!! Seriously, can't the news just talk about how our homicide rate currently is much higher than last years? THANKS AVONDALE!!! Seriously, if that's our biggest problem in Cincinnati!!!

Safety Jackson Out For Season... Really? I thought he was out already... The way he plays, I God honestly thought he was out already! This isn't news, Dexter is never IN so what's the difference! I'm surprised that Dexter Jackson wasn't over with Johnathan Joseph playing Patty Cake Powderpuff, because usually he's the last one to the tackle, and yes, still the first to celebrate... I'm surprised he hasn't been called for a late hit yet, the play's usually over when he's making his "tackle" attempt... Pansy...

So that's our news... Most cities have good things going on around them, like new city buildings, or updates to their beautiful parks or something like that... We have murders, black cats in need of housing, and Bengals players on and off parole or out on injury... Yay for Cincinnati!!! Get me out of this place... We'll See Ya

8,452 people realized how much they hate Cincinnati too, but will never leave here...

The Fallacies In Bengaldom... A History Of Losing...

There is no better team in the NFL than the Bengals... At losing... They're so good at losing in fact, that I think 0 - 16 is not only possible, but maybe a statement of fact! This picture of Marvin is from his first year joining the Bengals as head coach. Notice a difference in this picture compared to maybe one from his "apology to the fans" speeches? This could also be a picture from this year, just botoxed up so he doesn't show that face he always has on the sidelines... It's amazing that a guy that is 0 - 16 (yes, I know know it's only 0 - 8 right now, but again, this is so I don't have to write another one in December) and has only had one winning season in God knows how many years still has a job! If I did my job as crappy as these coaches and players did, I wouldn't even get a second chance to even explain myself, I'd be gone, and back in the unemployment line. When you get this bad at losing, your hopes for even a high school coaching job or peewee league are shot. However, before I take anymore cheap shots at Marvin, let me further explain.

I cannot put all of the blame on this poor guy that took a salary blow to head coach a prison league professional (although highly unprofessional) football team. It took a lot of guts to step up to a plate that is too big for even a guy like Bill Cowher to step up to... But really, I want to blame on Mr. Brown. Mike Brown is without a doubt, the worse owner of any sports team, and I'm pretty sure he's never owned a successful career in anything other than hiding from the public. Since Marvin has been here, I haven't seen the guy once in a press release, or anything. Of course, if I was this bad of an owner, you're right, I wouldn't show my face either, but come on. Quit making Marvin apologize, I want to hear it from you asshole! At this point in my Bengals career, I wouldn't even accept free Box tickets or front row 50 yard line seats! I'm so fed up with the lack of drive, lack of emotion, and lack of skill that these "players" have on and off the field... Mr. Brown needs to come out and explain this "method of madness" he has for the Bengals... I mean, did he talk to them and tell them to do the worst they could possibly do? That would explain a lot for me, and I'd probably be less frustrated!

First Fallacy: Bengals offseason - The offseason was filled with trials and tribulations all over the place. Whether it was Marvin saying that in no way, shape or form is Chris Henry coming back to Chad Johnson saying he's not going to play wah wah wah! The fact that Mike Brown went around Marvin Lewis' decision to not bring Henry back is a total lack of respect for your coach, and that will make the players question their coach, and not want to play all out for him. As for Chris Henry, just go, you deserve to be in Prison, but I guess you're a cat with 100 lives, because you've already used up more than 9... Chad Johnson, who should be a leader to rally up the troops to make them want to play, is bi-polar on and off the field. One minute he laughs when Houston says their going to cover him man to man, and how many receptions for how many yards did he have? Who's laughing now Chad? 30 what to 6? Exactly! Chad should not be allowed to say anything until he breaks over 150 yards in a game, otherwise they should fine him.

Second Fallacy: Bengals Offense - So lets see, instead of wanting to keep our veterans on the line, and have a strong chance of leadership on the line, we'd rather get rid of them, shift people over to positions they've never played, and then, expect them to perform! Good Plan! Somehow, TJ has made himself the second best receiver in the league, so that either means that every other receiver in the NFL is that bad, or I just don't watch TJ as closely as I should. Like I said before, Chris Henry is as worthless as can be, dropping every pass that comes his way! Carson, can't hate him, actually, I only feel bad for him that he can't display his talent for a good team! Chad, just read above. Chad went from being my favorite receiver to being a no ball pussy loser faster than the beginning of Flight of Fear at Kings Island! No cuts inside, no amazing catches that take the team up the field, and just no heart left in him! Hell, I think there's some players at Lakota East and West that we could draft that would be better! Props to Carson and Housh for sticking it out out on the field. Chris Perry, keep him benched, he's worthless too! He fumbles almost every ball he touches with his 1.7 yard run. Cedric Benson, I have to give you props, for just getting here, and getting more yards than Perry EVERY CARRY and holding on to the ball, you get my game ball every time! Offensive Line, lets just work on not collapsing when we call hike. Give Fitzpatrick a chance for some pocket time! And Fitzpatrick, well, not much to say here, he didn't really know he'd be shoved into this position so early, but guess what bro, time to play! Suck it up, hold on to the ball and take the hit, or scramble and make plays! I do have to say that more and more, he is doing much better, for a second string quarterback...

Third Fallacy: Bengals Defense - Tough to call, they got rid of the heart of the line, only to move people around that have to learn all new moves! The Bengals defense is great, the only problem is they play more than 3/4's of the game because our offense blows that much! The Defense looks crappy because our offense is wearing them down... I have to give props to the Defense for doing what they can, we know it's tough for you, and I still respect you...

Little did I know after hearing Marvin's comments yesterday, I'm starting to think he's right, but a little confused... Let's take a look:

"We don't have many options," he said. "We have to find a way to get these players better."

-Yea, it's called offseason, pre-season, etc... How much time do you need? Every other team doesn't seem to have a problem "getting their players better..."

"We all have to find a way collectively to flip our psyche."

-Flip our psyche? What the crap does that mean? I think I have the answer for that... GROW A PAIR AND STAND UP TO YOUR OWNER! Let him know that on that field and during the draft, YOU RUN THE SHOW! At least if he says, ok, you're fired! The Bengals fans will at least see that you care and will respect you! He can't fire you! We're mid-season, an 0 - 8 season at that! Stand up to him, and make sure he knows who's the boss on the field!

"We have a couple of areas that we need some work in..."

-If by a couple areas you mean Offense, Defense, and Special Teams, then yes, we do have a couple of areas to work on... However, in each of those folders, there are 1000's of sub-folders, and those all need work, so therefore your "some work" becomes "a lot" of work... Some work is a phrase that maybe a team like, the Titans, could use, you know, after their game with Indy... Yes, their offense could use "some work" but not as much as the Bengals need... Actually, come to think of it, then Bengals don't need work, they need a restructuring, or a restart, that's how terrible we are...

Conclusion: Give up on them, don't attend the games, let Mike Brown suffer financially, and then let him take this team elsewhere... I heard somewhere that they would possibly sell PBS to a soccer team that would play internationally! Soccer games are awesome in professional sports, and I'm pretty sure that'd be pretty cool! I'm tired of the Bengals anyways, always drafting "project players..." They don't even need to draft project players, our stadium is surrounded by projects, just give them 500 bucks a game, and someone to pass their drug tests and we're set... Those guys can catch a 250 pound television thrown by their buddy from a third story window... Trust me, a football would be no problem... Bengals, just go away, don't make this more difficult than it has to be... We'll See Ya

851,265 people just realized that the projects joke was a play on words...

My Weekend (Using Paint Program, You're Welcome Visual Learners)...

I recently was introduced to a new comedian that I had never heard of before. His name is Demetri Martin. He is a very bland, but very hilarious younger guy. He uses drawings, that I'm thinking he probably does draw himself on a large pad of paper, titled "Large Pad." I found myself unable to control my laughing, because yes, the pictures are funny, but how he explains them is even funnier. Therefore, I've decided to try a new approach, and I'm going to do something similar, however, mine are hand drawn "technologically advanced" pictures... Ok, let's embark on the journey that is "My Weekend, By Paint, By Me..."

1.) After 24 years of dedicated fanness (I know it's not a word, but guess what, bite me), I have officially given up on the Cincinnati Bengals for the remainder of the 2008 season. I know many of you out there are going to consider this "fairweather fanness" but it's not... I don't respect the organization because they're not about football, they're only about money. When you look at organizations like the Steelers or Colts, there's teams that care about football, and love the game, and love and respect the fans. Therefore, my 2 new teams to watch are the above mentioned. As for my feelings of the Bengals, when Mike Brown is no longer the owner, then I will consider putting more time and effort into them again. Therefore, that's me dumping my Bengals stuff down the toilet, because that's where this season and well, a good portion of the last 24 years is going/has gone... (That's not me crying either, I just had something in my eye, well both eyes)...

2.) Ahhhhh, the first annual Halloween Bash at our house this past Saturday! Oh man, was that a good time or what?!? We had quite a few people at the house, and there was definitely a lot of drinking, a lot of laughs, and a lot of good friends! The party started with a Jack and Coke, and ended on about that same note!!! I am, proud to say, that I am the defending reigning Champion of Beer Pong after more than I should have played games that night! If you feel that you are "worthy" enough to take me on, then we are there almost every saturday night playing, so ring in, and let's see what you got, but yes, that will definitely be the new annual HallowPong Fest!
3.) Friday morning... The day of devestation as I came to see it... When I first arrive to work at roughly 8:45am, I get word that PNC has bought National City. This makes my job very unnerving be it that there's a PNC Bank in our parking lot practically. Therefore, the predicament lies in should I apply at PNC and secure a job there now, or should I wait it out and see if I still have a job within the next year or so? But yes, it was a very busy day of thinking what I should do...

So that's my weekend at a glance. I'm not sure how I feel about the Paint Program lifestyle, so leave me your feedback and tell me what you think!

8,405 people have started working on their paint program skills to make their blog like mine after reading this...

And you thought bank tellers and managers were so nice...

So today at work my branch manager, for reasons of animosity we'll call him Carson Palomalou, comes out of his office for the brief 2 minutes that he usually does, and makes a comment to our office manager, again for reasons of animosity, we'll call him Odell Holt, and makes the statement that we are no longer handling customers with overdraft fee refunds. I found this quite hilarious because we are not usually a branch to even consider returning it unless of course it was a bank error, but apparently during the course of this month, we have returned more than normal, which I'm guessing, is anything over 1, because that's how much of a cheapskate (TMNT) he is. Therefore, I found it hilarious and kind of chuckled when he said it. Then all of a sudden, a heated debate on the best way to deal with customers that want fee's returned erupted like a Hawiian volcano. I can't make these up folks, but this is literally exorts from idea's that the people that I work with were throwing out on how to deal with these customers, and after they did throw these out there, I further thought about them in my head and will further explain them later on:

-A button located at all teller and manager desks that can open the floor to a great white shark tank.

-A machine gun turret located above the doors at the exit that is available to all tellers and managers via buttons at desk locations.

-A rocket propelled grenade launcher also located at the doors that is also available to all tellers and management via buttons at desk locations.

-The ability of those lawfully carrying CCW licenses to carry weapons into branch and at the point at which a customer mentions the refunding of fee's, we shoot to kill.

-Locking exit door mechanism via buttons at all desks that locks the customer in between the doors of the exit to which we can seal the exit, and pour in any amount of gases or liquids depending on how distraught we are.

However, these means may also be used in the case of robberies as well... Now, lets take an in depth look at these, and I'm going to rate them from 1 - 5, 1 being my favorite, and 5 being my least favorite...

5.) Rocket Propelled Grenade launcher turret. That's just not a good idea, ever seen what a rocket can do in a small, contained area? That's just not good, you'll burn down the building and everything inside of it, and not to mention the fact that there will be shratnal and all that crap and glass, basically, NOT A GOOD IDEA, but I still laughed...

4.) Machine Gun turret. What happens in an electric power out? What if those things go haywire? Are they going to accidentally unload on me? I'm not sure how I feel about getting shot up when I did nothing wrong... Again, not a good idea... Still chuckled though...

3.) Locking door mechanisms in the doors that lock them in and have the ability to gas or liquid them to death. Again, seems cool, has cool intentions, but seriously, what about when I have to leave? Is there still gas just seeping around in there? It only takes a little bit of that stuff to kill you... So you have to have one hell of ventilation system, otherwise, it's all over for you...

2.) Shark Tank in the floor... Really? Who's going to feed it? Although, I mean, depending on size and everything, with the amount of people bitching about fee refunds, it would balance to where we have leftovers, but either way, still... That's a lot of maintenence and extra work, so on and so forth, and if it's anything like that shark from Deep Blue Sea, it could eventually break through the floor, and I don't think I could take that kind of pressure, but would be fun to see once or twice just for kicks...

1.) Allowing those licensed for CCW's to carry at work. It works, it's like pilots getting guns on the planes. We can have them for any case. No misfires, clean and clear situations, and not an overuse of power. It's basically just an awesome option, and it also gives us good target practice with real life tactical situations. Therefore, that gets my number 1 vote!!! I don't really know the reason for this blog, but I wanted to write something and give you insight into what these people I work with actually think about during the course of the day... We'll See Ya

54,320 people now understand why I'm crazy, and are officially ok with it now after reading this... Hope it made you chuckle inside at most...

I'M DRUNK, WHAT'S TO EAT!?!?!?

This is a dedication to those that go out, get drunk, and spend the rest of the wee hours of the morning trying to figure out where the heck to go to eat... I understand your pain, so let's examine the different restaurants that are open at these hours of the morning...

If you drink heavily and get the munchies around 1:15am, here's your choices:
-Wendy's
-Burger King
-McDonald's
-White Castle
-Taco Bell

However, if you aren't drunk that early, then you hit the 2 am mark, here's your choices:
-McDonald's (granted you have 24 hour service)
-White Castle
-Taco Bell

Now, lets take a look at the satisfaction level of each of these:

Pro:
Wendy's - Fast service, fresh burgers, great nuggets, great prices.
McDonald's - Fast service, delicious drunk burgers, great drunk nuggets, decent prices.
Taco Bell - Fast service, lots of choices, great prices, filling food.
Burger King - Fast service, great drunk fries, good burgers.
White Castle - Great prices, lots of combinations, open 24 hours, always satisfying, good options.

Con:
Wendy's - Tough to find one that doesn't close a little before 2, hard to find in some places.
McDonald's - tough to find 24 hour drive thru, run out of stuff, can get caught between breakfast and dinner switch if you're too late.
Taco Bell - Tough to catch late, sometimes a little spicier than normal, the next day gives you upset stomach.
Burger King - always closes before they're supposed to, won't make food close to closing.
White Castle - tastes so good you can't stop, and therefore leads you to a lot of runny toilet time which makes the next day or day after that much more terrible.

After reviewing the play, the winner is a draw between Taco Bell and White Castle both scoring an 86% in all categories. This is because sometimes you just don't want a burger, and sometimes you just don't want a taco, so it's much better to switch! We'll See ya


687,543 college kids just woke up from a drunken slumber in a pile of empty white castle burger boxes and now have to drop a heinous deuce...

METROSEXUAL'S ATTACK!!!!! You're just gay and in denial, and that's NOT the river in Egypt...

Today, I was confronted by the heathens that I work with about a paper that one has to write. It's for a class called Men and Masculinity. Where was that class when I was stuck in Women's Studies with all these other heathens talking about how I'm so lucky I can't get raped, and pregnant, and blah blah blah... I would have loved to hear about all the great stuff men do, and actually probably would have payed attention better in that class. But instead, like I said, I was the scum of the earth in the back of the classroom, but oh well, that's done and over. Back to the point here, she has to write a paper, and her topic that she chose is "questioning the masculinity of metrosexuals." Good call, but where do you research something that plainly doesn't exist? Metrosexuals are gays in denial. They just haven't found the right guy yet, or they're not fully out of the closet, etc... First, let's examine what "metrosexuality" is.


Main Entry: metrosexual
Part of Speech: n, adj
Definition: a heterosexual male who has a strong aesthetic sense and inordinate interest in appearance and style, similar to that of homosexual males
Etymology: 1994; blend of metropolitan + heterosexual
Usage: informal


Now that we have accomplished, let's examine further... Look at the definition, it says "heterosexual male" with a "sense in appearance and style..." That right there is a fluke in itself... There's no such thing as a male with style, because a male that does have "style" has that because HIS GIRLFRIEND bought him that stuff! But the end however, where it says "similar to that of homosexual males." Exactly, right there at this point, it shows you the obvious point that metrosexuals and homosexuals are in direct relation of one another. Homosexuals, no doubt, have "a sense of fashion." We've all seen it before, and if you haven't, you might want to get checked out for a serious case of "OH NO, I'M GAY MYSELF!" Therefore, the point I'm trying to push here is that metrosexuals are really just homosexuals in true denial of their feelings...


Ask any real man, any man that doesn't have a sense of style if there's a difference between metrosexuals and homosexuals, and there is, without a doubt, no difference, it's just a euphamism if you must. (euphamism - a word that is more pleasantly put than that of using a more inappropriate word. Example: "I have to take a crap" instead you would say "I have to use the restroom"). Just the use of the word metrosexual just upsets me, because it's just not a true statement. There's no such thing. There's nothing masculine about a guy that has a sense of fashion that slightly resembles a homosexual, because that's like saying a homosexual is still a man... NO HE'S NOT!!! He might be the man in the relationship, but one of the two is the bitch, but he is not considered "still a man," because that's just man law.

Point of today's lesson is that Metrosexuals are just homosexuals in denial. They can be in denial for many reasons, and reasons that of which, I honestly don't care, at all... But regardless, metrosexuals are not masculine, and are not straight. Point in turn, they're gay...

65,504 people just realized that they're gay after reading this and checking their current fashion sense after reading this...