So after one of my original posts, I had to do a follow up (especially after I fell witness to another great moment today while at lunch). So as I'm leaving hell to go grab some Wendy's for lunch (certainly the best part of my day) and while I leave the branch, I almost get side-swiped form some dumb broad pulling out of Burger King in yes, her boat... Far be it for me to keep driving on my legal trek when she has screaming kids, a cell phone conversation with something probably completely worthless and other than focused on driving abilities, and a GPS system that tells her to probably stop the car, take the keys out, and give them to a man... I kid you not, this was literally the car model that she was driving that ALMOST pulled out in front of me but due to my "manliness awareness" I was quickly able to defuse:
Now, don't get me wrong, as much as I enjoy a good mid-day crash in my compact, sporty Honda Civic coupe, today wasn't the day to be doing something of that nature... So after avoiding this minor sabotage by some dumb broad trying to multi-task yelling at her kids, talking on the phone, and organizing her 10 kids kids meals, I finally got to the main strip of road to get to Cin-Day road to fulfill my Wendy's needs (in case you were wondering, bacon and Cheddar baked potato and JBC plain: If you don't know what JBC is, you probably can't afford it) but as I pull up to the light on Cin-Day and Yankee to turn onto Cin-Day Road I am stopped by yet another obstacle as pesky as a woman driver, a red light... So at the red light, I'm behind a lady in a Jeep Grand Cherokee... As I'm waiting, I'm focused on the light and realize that there's a woman driving the Jeep, therefore, I decide to run alittle test on reaction time of this broad... Therefore, turn signal initiated, turn light turns green, and instead of acceleration, I get an arm reaching for the GPS in the PASSENGER side of her Jeep! ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE CAR! Upon that, the light has been green for 9 SECONDS before there's any sign of acceleration from her!!! 9 SECONDS!!! The light was yellow when I went through it!!! THEN! YES THEN!!! While turning, she stops while STILL FIXING HER GPS while TURNING! So after the full completion of turn, her GPS I'm sure tells her she's an idiot, and needs to be in the lane over, so instead of speeding up to get ahead of the other person, she stops... Yes my friends, STOPS and waits for the other cars not behind stupid drivers to get over... So as I almost get rear ended by a girl talking on the phone and smoking, I decide to give it hell and get out of the death trap that I was stuck in between... So after I pull these Indiana Jones like moves (the originals, not the new ones), I finally reach my destination of Wendy's... I order my food, and everything seems to be back to normal, and by normal, I mean male drivers, focused on one or two things (driving and thinking of what to eat). So on my way back to the branch, I incur no further problems, great I know! So I get back in the branch, eat my food, and decide with the remaining time I have left on my strict lunch hour clock before Satan calls and tells me to get back to hell, I decide to drive over to Kroger and get some snacks for the mid-day munchies (cheez-it's in case again, you were wondering and a Monster Khaos). Now note, Kroger is exactly less than a quarter mile away from my branch, hell it's probably 100 something feet, but still, it's cold and gives me an opportunity to take a smoke break and stay warm... So the drive over was fine, no broad's pulling out in front of me, etc... However, after I come out of Kroger and initiate the drive sequence, I'm bewildered by my next sight... A lady comes driving in in her Trailblazer, which is a boat for a woman, and cuts the angle too short, and by too short, I don't mean the rapper, I mean TOO SHORT! I mean, my car as small as it is, couldn't have made it and cut it that short, so obviously she's too distracted to know and/or do anything about it, and the next sound I hear is the screech of a Volkswagen SUV's paint meeting the paint of a Trailblazer... Now, this wasn't one of this inopportune "whoops," this I could put into the category of "I'm a horse's ass and wasn't paying attention..." So upon seeing this, I had to laugh, because I am going to include a diagram of where this dumb, impatient lady could have parked and saved herself a trip to the detail shop and insurance company:
As you will see in this diagram, how many open spots that she passed in order to get 2 spots closer to Kroger... Now you have to ask yourself, within the opportunity cost guidelines, is the spot that's closer, worth a new front fender, well according to her statistical answer, yes... Therefore, with my knowledge of car wrecks and such, this spot cost her approximately $500 - $700... Now, my spot, cost me $0. I know, being a guy, that $0 is much better to pay than $500 - $700 when you're talking about paying for a parking spot, and that's not just me being cheap, that's me being, how should I put this kindly, SMART! So after wiping my tears of hilarious laughter, I lit my cigarette and was on my way back to work, praying to the God of traffic law abiders that nothing happened to my car between the parking lot and my work parking lot... Just to kill the suspense now, no, nothing happened, AMEN! However, this is just one 30 minute block of my day, and to most, that's a lot of action in just 30 minutes... Now, because I really don't want to end this blog just yet, I'm going to show you just why women are worse at this whole thing called driving than men are...
Lets just take a quick look at the difference in thoughts between men and women, first we will examine Women:
As you can see, that while driving, she has many different thoughts about stuff that has NOTHING TO DO with focusing on driving AT ALL, and DRIVING ITSELF is not one of the things that she is thinking about... This is very common among women, but if you look at a man:
As you can see, Driving is the main focus, while in the peripheral, he has women and beer on the brain, highly typical of the male species... Now I want to make sure that it is noted that this does not include all women by any means, there's a lot of women that are very skilled at maneuvering their boats, but I'm in full favor of all women having to get a commercial driver's license in order to operate an SUV legally among society. This would cut down on the accidents and "whoops" that seem to occur on an every day basis. I hope this points some insight into the world of women and driving, and gives you some points on what to expect, and what to look out for when driving. We'll See Ya!
8,504,203 males found this information to be correct, and 8,504,202 males only said it was wrong because their girlfriends asked what they thought of it, but I stand alone because I'm a witness to it!
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