Ryan's Road To Redemption...

So recently, I've had the opportunity to spend a lot of time by myself, in more or less what I call being able to soul search. As we all know, the O.V.I. put a pretty big strangle hold on my life and where it was going. Over the weekend of April 2nd - April 5th, I was on lock down at the Holiday Inn in Sharonville for my Alcohol Diversion program. In what seemed like a pretty scary getaway, if you want to call it that, I learned a lot about the choice of drinking over not drinking, and drinking and driving. After all, I was with 128 other people that made the same mistake that I made. In some of their cases, they did a lot worse than I did: Some had flipped cars, some had accidents, some blew .416's on their BAC, some were on drugs and were not drinking, etc... But all weekend, I heard speeches, and watched video's, and did group work all dealing with the biggest mistake I ever made in my life.


The first of which was a speaker named Jimmy. He was a young man that was severely injured when a truck he was riding in swerved off the road, and he was drug 100 feet by his head and hit a phone poll, and could no longer really walk, talk, and interact again, all when he was 17. Now in his 30's he is unable to get a job, and his goal is to be a Walmart Greeter because he loves people. If not scary enough, a handicap man named Tim came in that lost his brother and 2 other friends when they drove and rode drunk and crushed their car when intoxicated. Their stories alone were enough to make me think about the choices I not only made that night I drove drunk, but the many other times that I thank God, made it home safe.


I got to thinking while at this intervention of sorts, about the night I got pulled over, and what could have happened, and other nights, and got to thinking about what exactly I'm doing with my fucking life... I not only take my life into my own hands, but everyone else on the road, and if any one is riding with me, etc. On the last night, Saturday, they had 2 ex-alcoholics come in and speak to us about the choices they made in life, and in a way, the guys story kind of made me think. Although I think I was never an alcoholic, I think I did in some ways have alcoholic tendencies, like going out all the time, just drinking and drinking and drinking until the bar shut down and not limiting myself to 2 or 3 in a couple of hours and being responsible. I regret that now, but at the same time, I'm still glad that I got caught with my O.V.I. when I did, because recently I have learned a lot more about myself and my attitude is changing toward drinking as a whole.



After an entire weekend of scare tactics, I think more or less that I am cured in my world of drinking. I learned the rule that when you go out and drink, allow 1 hour for every beer that you have, and that seems simple enough, because I don't plan on going out much anyways, but at the same time, 2 or 3 beers is cheap, and it's enough for me. I finally realize my focuses on life have to be work, and school once I'm back in. I know a lot of my friends are going to forget about me along the way, because I was always the one mounting the regulators up, so to speak, but I'm sorry, but that part of my life was behind me... I can say that I did have one hell of a run, and I will have some stories to tell my kids someday. That is in the hopes that they don't make the same mistakes that I've made throughout my life... There's a lot of people in my life that I will keep in contact with, but some, those that go out all the time and drink, I'm sorry to have to say that I can't keep that up anymore, as much as I want to, because I've made an agreement with myself that I will discontinue that part of my life. It was fun while it lasted, but it's just not for me anymore.



I can honestly say that after returning home to the "criminals" and "failures" that I am still not happy about being here, but in all seriousness, I did do it to myself, and all I can do is go up from here. I'm excited to do it on my own however, because I feel that you learn a lot more about yourself through working through the troubled times, but it seems like it will be different for me, but different doesn't always mean bad, so... There will be a lot of changes coming soon, so if things seem different, I'm sorry if you dont agree with the changes, but some things in life have become more important to me than others... And becoming a much better person physically, mentally, and emotionally is much more important to me than it ever was before... We'll See Ya



1 person said "fuck people" and I thought, that's funny, because that's exactly how I feel about some people I see at work on a daily basis... But at the same time, she's funnier when she says it, and they also shit all over her, so I understand her frustrations...