Will And Jazzy Jeff Were So Right... But Who's Fault Is It???

In an ever changing world where parents are constantly battling with their kids, we have to look back and find out who's really to blame... Our parents were very free love and fuck Government, just like we're text messages and Starbucks coffee... In most cases, our parents think we're stupid, and that we are the all knowing creatures of the Earth, and they use that against us because "they've been there..." Trust me, I'm a firm believer in the "you learn your entire life, so you never know by 'being there' theory..." When you look at your parents generation, you see car shows at the ole' drive in movie theatre, sitting at the top of hills overlooking the city and making out (gross I know, horrible imagery for your parents, sorry), The Beatles (not knocking them, trust me, I love classic oldies), bell bottom jeans (contrary to popular belief, they're not making a comeback, and they never should), stupid hair-do's (or hair don'ts as we refer to them today), 8 tracks (we don't really have a clue what those really were, but they're called CD's now, time to upgrade dad), listening to stories on the radio (we just go out now, sorry), etc... When you look at our generation, all you see is cell phones, jeans with holes in them, scantly dressed girls, shaggy hair guys, drugs, sex with multiple partners, fast cars (Lakota parents paid for), kids that don't work and have no will or drive to work, living with our parents till we're 30 (which is about the time most people get married now), going out to the bars 8 nights a week (yes, it's an exaggeration, and well placed may I add), tattoo's on every inch of our bodies, piercings (well, you know...), and the Internet (thanks Al Gore)... Look at the complete polar opposites between us... It's no wonder they don't understand us, and we will never understand them. My parents pull out Polaroids of them when they were our age, and I just laugh, because I pull out my digital camera and show them (and I didn't have to wait to get them printed)...

The point is, we're 2 completely different generations... When you look back at things like tattoo's in the past as compared to the present, you see a huge gap in people's methods of thinking. Today, tattoo's are almost a necessity, as opposed to the 50's - 70's, when they were frowned upon. Piercings are the same thing as well... You would never see a girl in the 50's - 70's have more than one piercing in both ears, because anything more made you trashy... Where as today, I've met girls with over 20 in just one ear, and some in places my parents would HIGHLY disapprove of... At the same time, guys have piercings now, and long ago, that wouldn't have slid so well... But that's the difference between us... But is anyone at fault because of that? No, changing times cause changing people... We've evolved just like cave men... I'm not trying to say that parents are extinct or endangered here, but they are unwilling to understand us, they just push us aside and call us "punks..."

Our parents were raised in a time of strict beliefs, beliefs that their parents instilled in them... If they didn't listen to their parents there was heavy consequences, such as what we would call a "Rodney King Beating" where as today, parents are putting their kids in "time out" where you send them to their room (to play xbox online with their friends) to let them "think about what they've done..." Good one parents... Look, we're not trying to revolt here, but if you don't stay with the status quo, you get ousted... Our parents need to understand that we're a different class of people, and we have different beliefs, and college does that to you... College teaches us to question our beliefs and how we were raised, and how things were instilled in our brains. Just the other day, I questioned my religious beliefs, and if there's one thing you don't bring up with your parents, it's religion. Most of our parents went to religious schools and were beaten alive (see above) by nuns if they questioned that belief... With us, we have the freedoms to question it, and think how we want... Our parents don't like to believe that...

Let's take an example that I have in front of me:

Warning: The names in this story have been changed to protect the identity of these people, although the truth lies within the story...

So a person that I work with, we'll call her Shley, is engaged to we'll call him Rad... They've been dating and engaged for quite a bit now, and for some reason Shley's parents don't like Rad for reason's still unexplained, however, from Shley's background, you can tell that Shley's parents don't like Rad because his religious beliefs differ from that of Shley's... Is this illegal? If your belief in your religion is so strong, are you allowed by your God to judge this person, or is that something your God would not approve of? Because to me, God accepts everyone that believes in him... By judging someone else, you're not better than that person in my book (and by the Good book)... Like I stated before, you have to realize that we (us) are different from you (parents), because we've been asked our whole lives to challenge things that we believe differently in, and we are asked to ask questions, and explore other possibilities (I'm not talking about sexuality here folks so calm down), but this is how we were raised, this is what schooling taught us... So don't blame us for being how we are... You can only blame society, and changing times... We're treading water just to survive... We know you've been there, but when you think we're the "know it all's," well guess what, you think you're "the know it all's..." So does that make you better than us??? Look at our generation, we're $80 Lucky Brand Jeans, and you're $20 J.C. Penny jeans... Society and focus groups made us get these products, it wasn't our choice, although there are many choices now and days, but we have a certain class of people that we like to entertain, and that's our group... We aren't trying to impress you here, but we are trying to stay with the times, because that's what society wants...

In this day and age, you have to accept people for their downfalls, not write them off because they have different beliefs, dress differently, act differently, etc... We've been raised to believe that we are no better than anyone around us, and that's how it's going to stay... So I'm just asking you to respect us for what we believe in, although you may not understand it, there's a reason that we do it... It's not our fault, and it's not your fault... It's society as a whole... Start trying to see the world through our eyes, because after all, we are the future Presidents of the United States, Fashion Designers, Business Marketers, and International Travelers... I realize that some of this may be completely off base and off topic, but there's got to be a common ground that we can all stand on, because sooner or later, you're going to sink or swim, so come join us, because I don't know about you, but I'm swimming...

Someone's Gotta Lose, Might As Well Be You...

As per a conversation today with a fellow unnamed coworker, she (yes a woman of course) was trying to covertly get me to watch "the notebook" (yes I realize movie titles are supposed to be capitalized, but trust me, it's not a real movie). During the conversation, she decided to go against my cardinal rule and compare said movie to that of "The Boondock Saints." Now, let's take in for instance, that I said and I quote "I will never see 'the notebook'" This is something that I stand true to and yes, something that will in fact, never happen. After stating that said fact again, she then brought up that I would like 'the notebook' because "It really is a good movie! Almost as good as Boondock Saints…" That right there is a fallacy... (Fallacy (n) - a deceptive, misleading, or false notion, belief, etc. Such as people once believing that the world is flat was a fallacy). To even compare a real movie like The Boondock Saints to a non-movie such as "the notebook" is just vacuous. (Vacuous (v) - inanely foolish).

Here's why these movies are in no way, shape, or form comparable.

the notebook premise - "The movie focuses on an old man reading a story to an old woman in a nursing home. The story he reads follows two young lovers named Allie Hamilton and Noah Calhoun, who meet one evening at a carnival. But they are separated by Allie's parents who disapprove of Noah's unwealthy family, and move Allie away. (ZZZZZzzzz, sorry I fell asleep just reading this). After waiting for Noah to write her for several years, Allie meets and gets engaged to a handsome young soldier named Lon. Allie, then, with her love for Noah still alive, stops by Noah's 200-year-old home that he restored for her, "to see if he's okay". It is evident that they still have feelings for each other, and Allie has to choose between her fiancee and her first love." (according to imdb.com).

Not bad for a movie premise I guess, now I can say that I've seen it before... Basically, here's my interpretation, it's the "Titanic" without a boat... How much more of a chick flick can this be?? Love stories, love triangles, horrible actors, and a stupid background story... SHIT'S WEAK!!! Now lets take a look at the premise of "The Boondock Saints!"

"The Boondock Saints" premise - Irish brothers Connor & Murphy McManus live and work in Boston. Feeling that God's will to rid Earth from all human Evil was given to them as a mission, they set out to do their divine deed. A public outcry is never heard, and even FBI agent Paul Smecker, who follows their trace of bloodshed, admits that the boys are doing exactly what he secretly always has wished to happen. Risking their lives for their beliefs of Veritas (truth) and Aequitas (justice), the Boondock Saints are hyped by the public, for they are doing good, which only few dare to admit. (according to imdb.com)

What? Are you serious?!? Can you even read that paragraph without sporting more wood than a weekend hunting show?!? Let's take a look at why these reviews alone can tell you that they are nothing alike...

"the notebook" - key words to point out gayness: old man, reading, nursing home, young loves, carnival, engaged, old home, love x 100... BORING!!! I literally, LITERALLY fell asleep just reading the stupid 2 second review... It was also funny to see that the only people that commented on it were WOMEN! Trust me, this just sounds like a boring love movie that I couldn't be paid to watch... (sorry Rick, you're right on most things, but this movie is still never going to be viewed by me)...

"The Boondock Saints" - key words to point out it's innate manliness: Irish, Boston, rid Earth, evil, divine deed, bloodshed, risking their lives, etc... I mean, this movie is the very birthplace of badassness... You can't even begin to compare even Rambo (or all 16 of them together) to the very manliness of this movie!

Sappiness take a seat, because "The Boondock Saints" is the clean and clear winner of this movie review, and I didn't even have to waste my time to watch "the notebook" just to know that the review must suck as bad as the movie probably does... Anytime you got Ryan "goose face" Gosling in the movie, it's going to be horrible... Why do you think he's never in any good movies involving guns, or bloodshed? Because he's really a "she!" I bet "she" even wears "vajayjay top" sweaters like this!

Is that your head popping out of your vajayjay or is that a new type of sweater? I can't tell...

Lastly, just look at the movie labels... If you look at "the notebook" you get a crappy picture of 2 girls making out and a boat on a lake... Woopty Doo! Can't wait to see this insomniac medicine of a movie... But when you step back and look at "The Boondock Saints" cover, BAM!!! Guns, insinuating violence, and 2 pissed off Irish brothers with badass tattoo's... You can't get that type of entertainment anymore, anywhere! That's probably because "The Boondock Saints" was SO BADASS that no one would even attempt to make a more manly movie like it! That's all I got for all you tree hugging, love story stricken women out there, here's a hint, GET A BOYFRIEND!!! Hell, I'll take it one stop forward and tell you where to meet a good manly man, IN MOVIES LIKE "THE BOONDOCK SAINTS!!!" We'll see ya!

8,543,111 people just realized that they're going to come to my blog to decide which movies are worth being seen and which ones aren't because I'm that awesome now that they've read this blog...

I'm Passive-Agressive, Ask Anyone, But This Is Ridiculous... Sorry To Have To Come To This...

As anyone that knows me will tell you, I'm probably the most passive-agressive person out there... There's been times I'm sure that have crept up on me that at one point or another, I've had to man up and handle business, but nothing to the point that I would take time out of my day to write about. However, recently (yesterday) I noticed a fellow blogger that read my last blog about "fate and serendipity" and had something to say about it (it wasn't nice to say the least, and since there's only one comment, you can probably find out for yourself but in case you can't, here's a follow up blog that was left on his/her page)

http://typicalsororitygirl.blogspot.com/2009/01/do-you-ever-have-one-of-those-nights.html

I'll be the first to admit that yes, I've had quite an extensive past, and by no means am I trying to portray that in a good manner to which guy's should look at me heroically, but this thing has to come to a close. I thought I was past the "high school" part of my life, but somehow, someway, someone tries to push me back into it. I don't like to dog people, not really, and not at all... And I don't intend on doing it now, but there's some things that need to be said here in my defense...

I found it humorous that I finally found someone in my life that makes me happy, and makes me a happier person, and I did expect some negative feedback, but this person went the extra 5 miles and then some. Most people wouldn't have the balls, nor the high school drama to step to that level and take it there, but this person did it, with a serious lack of class, and a hint of spite. When I first read the comment, I knew there had to be a story to follow it, so after much investigation (2 clicks) I found it. I couldn't help but laugh, because the story is about 99.2 percent not true with a dash of complete and utter bullshit for a 100% taste of distasteful writing... Hell of a dish I must say... I know I'm full... As for the story itself, it talks about how one person doesn't have the guts to just say they're not interested after being friends with this person for so long (since high school which obviously one of us left and one of us apparently didn't) and how much one loves the other and the other doesn't care (her and me)... The fact that you can say that you tell this person that you love them, and they don't say it back, has a very "stalkeresque" tone to it. Trust me, there were never any I Love You's thrown around, EVER! I don't use those for just anything... I say it to my parents, and to Rick and the crew, but that's it... I just find it distasteful that someone would stoop that low to try to ruin something good that I have, when they feel they are down... I wouldn't do that to them, but then again "I don't care at all" apparently. Trust me, I'm trying to be as nice as possible in this story, because I feel bad for what happened, and I didn't know feelings like that existed, but come on, this is life, not high school or "The Real World - Cincinnati." There's a time to grow up and feel heartbreak and there's a time to realize that your "crush" has other things on his mind and doesn't have the telepathic connection to read yours... Sorry about your luck and good luck in the future, but don't try to ruin something good that I have here, because you won't like the consequences of further actions... We'll See Ya

8,504,601 people just realized it's possible to be a complete asshole and be nice at the exact same time after reading this blog...

To Whom It May Concern...

Dear Lakota Schools: (Primarily your new superintendent elect)



I have recently been outraged by the new "policies" if you will that Lakota has taken in regarding the "safety" and "health concerns" of it's students. The "snow day" due to "lower than usual temperatures" is absolute bullshit if you ask me, and many parents of Lakota students. I can only sit back and laugh when they say that they cancelled school because it's "too cold" outside for students... Too cold outside? Are we having classes outside? Because I know these kids aren't waiting outside for the buses these days, and I know this for a fact! Everyday while I drive to work (having to leave 20 minutes early every day because of school bus pickups) I see now that the buses pick up students EVERY HOUSE! When I was going to school, I had to walk to the top of my street, and down to the corner just like everyone else, and we had maybe 5 stops on our ride to school. The bus that I was behind yesterday made 8 stops within 9 houses. (Only because one person wasn't there) and this wasn't the worst part. The kids weren't waiting outside, they were in their houses and came moseying on out once the bus showed up outside their door.




Not to sound like an old person, because I didn't have to walk up 2 hills to school and walk up 2 on the way home or any mumbo jumbo grandpa crap like that, but I was always outside waiting in negative temperatures for the bus, and I had to be at the stop or it left, none of this, "come on outside, we'll be waiting crap for us..." I understand that maybe you had a switch in superintendents or something like that, but really? Shows us that you didn't give a flying rat's ass about us when we were out there in 12 inches of snow and you didn't call off school. I'm sorry that not all of us have Audi TT's that can drive in anything, but some of us have Honda Civic's that can barely manage in 1 inch of snow, I don't know, maybe we don't have the income like that while we're in school... Weird... It seems like now and days, the kids get snow days if there's snow in the grass and the streets might be wet in some area's... It's such crap that this new superintendent thinks that it's literally "too cold" to go to school... I think for every day that it's "too cold" they should have to stay another day in the summer, because IT'S NOT COLD THEN BITCHES!!! But then again, it's probably too hot in the summer, so maybe this is all just worthless, but it's still not right... No wonder these kids aren't ready to do something with their lives when they graduate, they've been babied by their prissy piss poor educational institution... I can't wait to see these kids in college... I've been to BGSU, and trust me, no such thing as a snow day or "too cold" day up there, and you don't have any of that shit here in Cincinnati! Lake effect bitches!!! UC has been called one day since I've attended there, and that my friends, was a rough day...


My proposal, suck it up, grow a pair, and get these morons to school! All they're doing today now that they're off is out driving around, crowding my lunch spots with their bullshit antics on how cool they think they are (they're not at all), and wasting my hour lunch unto which I'm not paid for... Thanks a lot assholes... So here it it kids, for every snow day, for every kid I have to stand behind in line because they're out of school for a stupid reason, I'm going to hit 2 of their friends in the parking lot with my car... Seems about fair... GO TO SCHOOL YOU ASS CLOWNS!!!

Fate And Serendipity... You Know, That Stuff I Never Believed In Before...

So if you've read my blogs before, which I know you have, I've had the FBI track all of my visitors so it's no use hiding... But anyways, this blog is actually a serious (with the exception of a few quick one liners) blog. Let's take a journey shall we??? It all began on New Years Eve. The setting, glorious (shitty) downtown Cincinnati. I was attending a bar crawl downtown at Lodge Bar, Blackfinn, and Suite. While down there, I left the Blackfinn bar to see what was happening at Lodge Bar. When I walked in to Lodge, I was alone, and it was New Years, and seeing everyone with their significant others all having a good time brought up a disheartening feeling. I had this feeling that maybe after so many unsuccessful relationships, I really never would find someone that I enjoy spending all my time with, or having there when I feel like being alone, or just someone I can talk to, etc...

So I walk into Lodge bar, and head to a clear corner spot at the bar. I order my typical Jager Bomb, as it's getting close to midnight. While ordering my drink, I hear "is your name Hoopes?" To which I must reply yes. So I look over and recognize a beautiful girl that I haven't seen in maybe 4 to 5 years. At the moment I saw her, I had iffy feelings, whether it was remembering how I knew her, or if she was an ex girlfriend I didn't remember... This feeling quickly dispersed as I realized it was neither of which... I realized soon after talking to her that that feeling I had was a feeling of serendipity... (the act of good things happening by accident)(That's the abridged version so shut up). At this moment, and for the moment that we kissed at midnight, I knew that this meeting was not just an accident, but mere fate itself. Being the person that I am, for those of you that know me, you know that I have always bounced around in the girlfriend department, and to be honest, Jill may know this too, but if she didn't, she does now (she's reading now, and hopefully found that humorous).

The next day when I was sitting around thinking about what had happened, and how everything had occurred, it came to me that I was a victim of fate itself. Don't get me wrong, I do have a strong belief in God, although I don't follow his guidance and Bible to the "T" but that doesn't mean I don't believe in "everything happens for a reason..." I just knew that deep down there was a reason that I left my friends at Blackfinn and walked to Lodge by myself. There's a reason that I walked to that corner of the bar, and there's a reason she said hi to me, and there's a reason that I ordered a jagerbomb. (The jagerbomb is actually reasonably explained, I just like that drink but you knew that already...) However, the basic point of this is to show that even to someone like myself, something as great as Jill is to me, can happen to truly anyone... I realized that you have to have suffered a lot of pain throughout your life before you can realize how grateful you should be when someone or something like Jill is to me comes along and changes your whole perspective on life.

As for this blog, that's all I really want everyone to know for right now. I want everyone to see that throughout my life of hardships and heartbreaks, something great has finally come along to show me that great, authentic, and all around loving feelings can exist for those that truly doubt them... It's true that only when you hit rock bottom can you move up... I also realized that when you have these feelings, no matter what happens during the course of the day, nothing can stop you from smiling when you think of her (him for you ladies), and when can't spend time with her, just hearing her (his) voice reminds you of the first time you heard a country song (enter the greatest thing that happened in your life)... But yes, it's true... I have an amazing girlfriend that not only made my hectic life that much more clear, but also made me feel feelings that I've never felt about any one person before, and it's only just begun...

We'll See Ya!

10 people just realized that they already met Jill last Saturday night at Village Tavern and had no idea that they did until reading this blog...

Every life is a story... What are you writing about?

Every life tells a story. Every event that happens in our lives is another chapter. I came to thinking today after court about all of the things that I've done through out my life. And thought about all of the good that I've done, and all of the bad that I've done. Once I left the court today, after finding out I'm losing my license for 6 months, and have to pay $1,000 something dollars, and all of the legal issues that come along with that, I realized the good that came out of that ordeal. I realized how thankful that I am that I have friends that still care enough to ask how everything went, and asked if I had the money to cover it, and ask if there's anything else they can do for me, to just let them know. After finally relaying the bad news on my parents, I also realized something else. If I could go back to elementary school, and take the "what do you want to be when you grow up" test, I wouldn't need to take it. All of this time, I always talked about how strict my parents were, and anyone that truly knows me, know that I always talk bad about them, and tell how boring they are. But I came to realize, that more than anything in this world, I want to be just like my parents. (A few things I would obviously change, but that's because I pray to God that my kids are not near as bad as I am). But I realized the importance of my parents and friends today. More than I think I have ever realized it before. When I told them, my mom cried, and my dad just dropped his head. I knew at that point that I had really let them down, and I've been letting them down a lot recently. But I think truly, once I hit rock bottom with this DUI, I really realized something about myself as a person, and the story I'm writing with my life. I realized, who would actually want to read my book? Would I really have people that would want to be like me? Would I want my kids to know these things about me?

I realized today what a waste I have made with my life. I'm 24 years old, and now I have to move back into my parents house because with this new legal trouble, I don't have enough to pay my school bills, my car payment, my new insurance rate, and other minor details that come with food, water and shelter. I had to sit back and ask myself, were those beers and shots that night really worth the rest of my life going down the toilet? The answer is no... I learned, and am in the process of learning the hardest lesson of my life. Finding out who I am. A lot of people want to grow up and be famous. The only thing I was becoming famous in was how much I could drink and party and be destructive. I took a good, long hard look at myself, and for the first time, I was able to tell myself, that I not only let my family down, but I let myself down. I have truly hit rock bottom... It's hard coming to terms with myself, knowing that I have become everything I never wanted to be... My parents asked me how I can sleep every night knowing that I'm a liar, and that what I'm doing is dumb, and honestly, I don't know how... I do know that God always has a plan outlined for us, and although we do stray from that plan, we occasionally fall along the way, but he's always there to let us know we screwed up. But this life I've been living isn't worth that one night of fun. I'm going to have a lot of time with myself, to realize that what I did was dumb, and for the first time in my life, I'm not upset about that. In fact, I'm grateful. I'm glad that I finally let myself down... I was always that quiet guy in high school, that just did what was required of me, because I didn't like the people at my school that were out partying and having fun... I always told myself I never wanted to be like them, because they looked stupid... But all I did was postpone that, and I'm trying to go back to those "glory days." I've never been so ashamed of myself before, but I feel that a greater lesson has been learned. Someone told me that I have a self-destructive behavior about myself, and that it's all going to catch up to me one day, well knock knock, who's there, (it's not Mike Brown, but check that blog out too), it's my life, and it's evicting me, because it can't handle what I'm doing anymore...

2008 has been a year of mistakes for me. One's that I can't necessarily take back, but one's that I can look at, and make better choices for in 2009. I'm just glad to finally have all of this taken control of. I also want to take this time to say to anyone that does read this, that if I've hurt your feelings, offended you, or said anything to make you think negative thoughts of me, I'm sorry... Who I am hates who I've been, and from this point now, I'm going to start making some changes to become what I want to be... A more positive person, that can maybe reach out to those that are confused and help them before they travel down the road that I've been... That's basically the point I want to get to... I want to prevent anyone making the same choices that I've made. But if you have already, it's never too late to make a change. I'm going to need help, this I already know, but there's other's out there that are reaching out for someones help too, so don't be hesitant to reach out and help someone, after all, we all write a story throughout our lives, don't you want yours to be something that somebody would be inspired by??? To all of my friends and family, I love you guys more than anything, and I appreciate all that you have done for me, from this year, through my entire life, thank you, and I love you... We'll See Ya...

1 person actually figured out I wasn't being sarcastic at all during the course of reading this blog...

The Road To Recovery... What A Long Road It Is...

So recently, I decided that I wanted to quit smoking... And when you look at this endeavor, it seems so easy, and people can't believe that you wreck and go back to smoking again. But if you don't smoke, you don't realize how hard it is to quit when you smoke the way that you do. When I first started smoking (thanks to Zeek) it seemed really easy, and it was enjoyable because I was only smoking when I would go out and drink, which was frequent to often. Therefore, I would have some beers, throw back a couple of scoogies, and just relax, and it was wonderful. I remember a pack of cigarettes seemed to last me over a week, and sometimes maybe even 2 weeks. Now, I'll be lucky if I don't have to stop and buy another pack before I go to work the next day... Sometimes I find myself going through 3 packs over a weekend... I have finally come to the conclusion that I do really want to quit smoking, one of many reasons being my health and well being.

As for most of you that actually know me, know that I have tried to quit before, and have failed miserably. But I feel that this time I may be able to make some progress, because as of right now, I'm 29 hours without a cigarette, and although I feel quite antsy, and quite irritable, I still feel that if I'm strong enough, I can conquer this quest. I have had a cough now for some time, and I know it's a result of the smoking, paired with coming down with a cold. I've read many places that smoking can slow your immune system, slowing the progress your body undertakes when fighting off viruses and diseases. I know this is going to be a very difficult task to uphold, because I have almost a set routine, but I have broken this routine already this morning, and did not break in, and decide to stop and buy some more smokes... In a given month consisting of 30 days, I spend approximately $156 dollars on cigarettes. After looking through my finances, that's a savings of $1,872 dollars a year. That almost calculates to almost 4 1/2 car payments on my Civic. After looking at all of the positives, I just have more of a will to quit. This is not to mention the fact that it's just gross and causes cancer and all that cry baby crap they talk about in those dumb commercials. The savings alone are enough to drive me to quit though, and I think that by blogging about it, maybe almost like a journal, I will have somewhat of an easier time quitting.

I'm doing this also in the hopes that people will take notice of how nice and easy it may be to quit, and how rewarding it can be. I plan to blog frequently in some small blogs about behavioral changes, cravings, etc... Therefore, lets begin with Day 1...

Day 1: Started off the same time wise. I had to be at work at 10am. Usually, within my first hour of waking up, before I take my shower and start the daily routine, I would go out and smoke a cigarette, to more or less feed the need. Today was different though. Once I got up, I ate first, trying to get my mind off of wanting to smoke. After I ate, I sat down and started to burn a CD. Once I did that, I still had some extra time, another prime opportunity in which usually I would grab a scoogie... I kept having this anxious feeling that I really needed a cigarette. The feeling was almost like something was very wrong. Once I left the house for work, the time I light up a scoogie before I get to the top of the street, I had this overwhelming feeling that I had forgot something. I kept driving, knowing that had turned everything off, and shut the garage (not that it mattered, because McD was home anyways), but still had that gut feeling. Once I got to West Chester Rd and Route 42, I passed the shell station where I would usually grab a pack or 2 of smokes for the day and the next depending on how I felt. But today, I kept on driving, but feared I would pull in there out of habit. Once I came up to Tylersville and Cox Road intersection that's when I really felt the anxiety... I felt like something terrible was going to happen if I didn't get a cigarette soon. Once I pulled into work however, and walked in, the anxiety went away, because usually I don't smoke again till lunch break, and at that point, I'm pretty stressed just from working, but today seemed different, because I was busy, and wasn't as stressed. I'm starting to think that by keeping busy with something, or keeping my mind focused on something other than my smoking routine, I think less and less about having one. That might be the key, but I hope I can outlast this craving. As of right now, I have a headache, and my hands are shaking a little bit, but nothing too far out of the ordinary.

We'll See Ya

541,205 people decided to quit cold turkey with me, but have already failed after reading this...