This Just In!

In today's news, readers are "shocked" to find out that Adam Lambert is GAY! And in other news, Man has set foot on the moon!!!

The thing about Emo is, if defined by them, they are: individualists that think outside of the box or "norm." They do everything to make themselves happy and don't follow today's "trends" of American pop-culture or teen pop-culture.

As I define it: Homosexuals that run in crowds, dress exactly alike, and listen to stupid suicidal music while having "slit-your-wrists" parties and tell their parents that they hate them.

Back to the story at hand: Anybody that didn't think this character was gay, may just be emo, sorry I mean GAY themselves... Wait a minute, aren't they the same thing? I will explain this further and work from head to toe on how to be an emo. Do not forget the one key element that all emo's share however, and that is THEY'RE GAY!!! Let's discuss:

Emo Hairstyles (I have trouble calling them styles, so we'll go with Hair Plagues)

Wow, could you find anymore ways to look completely homeless and trashy? OF COURSE YOU CAN, YOU'RE AN INDIVIDUAL THAT DOESN'T LIKE TO FOLLOW SOCIAL NORMS!!! Let's throw some kool-aid in our hair to draw attention away from our ugly, pizza puss factory looking faces!

Way to go, you have successfully made yourself less attractive than a skunk! It's more of a mixture with the eye gunk of a raccoon and a skunk! A skunkcoon! Hell, I'll take it one step further, GAY!!! Enough with this hair business. Congratulations, you found that mixing pink lemonade kool-aid into your nappy ass dark hair it makes stupid ass looking streaks! You should be an engineer! Just kidding! You in a professional work environment? I don't think so, you're "too individual" (gay) for that!!! FAGS!!!

Next: Clothing Style (again, style is far from what it really should be called)...

Most kids in their age group, and I say most because that's what I see most wearing, are wearing polo's and Hollister, which I see nothing wrong with it because that lets me know how old you are. But these kids? Black and pink seems to be a popular trend among these "individuals." Wait a minute, didn't I see all of you "individuals" pull up to the "mall" in your "mom's minivan" rocking out to "slit your wrist?" Wait... Yeah, that was you! You all went your individual paths into, what store was that??? OH YEAH!!!

So let me get this straight, you're all trying to "go against the system" more or less, yet you all shop at the trendy emo-like stores? Not very individualistic to me... Maybe I just don't understand... Probably because I'm straight...

Finally, footwear:

So to be an individual that "goes against the system" and "hates your parents" because they "don't understand you," you decide to wear the same shoes that they did when they were your age? That's not even spiting them. That's just dumb... Another obvious point that you're a.) GAY, and b.) dumb...

Basically, the point stands out like a sore thumb. All emo kids are a.) dumb, b.) gay, c.) trend followers alike, and d.) hypocrites. They're dumb because they think that they're individuals yet they all shop at the same trendy emo stores. They're gay because well, they're gay from head to toe. They're trend followers because they all dress and do the hair the same. And they're hypocrites because you don't say you're an individualist if you follow the same trends as OTHER EMO FAGGOTS!!! Do us all a favor and create a spot in Oakland and ship all these faggots there so that they can live in "individual" tent communities and be gay all in one area instead of hoarding at our malls and wasting NORMAL people's air... However, if we do ship all of them out of state, who's going to work at Apple? Damn... Hoopes 5, Emo Douches 1...

10 people agree that I just POWNED Emo kids, and in the 20 minutes it told me to write this blog, 10 more emo kids just arrived at the hospital to get their wrists sewn up. Tragic... Escaped death again...